DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was checking out at my local supermarket when the woman behind me noticed the price tag on the wine I was buying.

“I’m sure it’s worth $4.99!” she exclaimed. When I turned to look at her, she explained, “I’ve studied wine for 40 years.” She added, by way of consolation, “I’m sure it has alcohol in it.”

I said nothing, but tried to exchange looks with the checkout attendant, thinking the rudeness of the remarks was self-evident. Might something have been said? If so, what?

GENTLE READER: The rudeness was indeed self-evident, as would have been the urge to respond “Please mind your own business.”

Miss Manners prefers a less direct (and more mannerly) approach: An appreciative laugh would have deflated the woman by demonstrating an indifference to the criticism. But if you lack the energy, or the acting ability, aloofness will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My soon-to-be ex-wife and I separated a little over a year ago, and are still in the middle of what has turned out to be a messy divorce from a 25-year marriage. Both she and I now have live-in significant others.

She has severed ties with my family completely, but I have remained in contact with her brother and sister-in-law and their grown children. My nephew and his fiancee visited with my girlfriend and me at our home and things were pleasant. We’ve been close for 30 years.

I’ve recently received an invitation to my nephew’s destination wedding addressed to me only. It was stated that it was OK if my girlfriend came to the destination, just not to the ceremony or reception. I’ve learned that my soon-to-be ex received a similar invitation.

While I am honored that I am being asked to attend the ceremony, I am also hurt that I am being asked to leave my girlfriend out. I am conflicted about whether or not to attend. My girlfriend is offended, can’t see how I would consider going, and thinks I should sever relationship ties altogether.

But there is a lot of history between us, and I would like to continue a relationship with my nephew regardless of my ex’s involvement. What do I do?

GENTLE READER: Your nephew’s invitation reminds Miss Manners of King Solomon’s ruling on a certain baby. That judgment was not deemed Solomonic because it was, in itself, a good solution, but because it was a bad one -- the self-evidence of which forced the petitioners into revealing hidden truths.

Your nephew has captured the unpleasant aspect of this famous case. Let us hope it was not his intention to ensure that no one attended. You, your girlfriend, your soon-to-be ex-wife and her boyfriend have all been offended by the assumption that you cannot be counted upon to behave yourselves. The slight of inviting you without your partner is not mitigated by the suggestion that she might be allowed to look in the window as long as she does not actually eat.

If you can merely decline without addressing the issue, perhaps your nephew will acquire wisdom before it is necessary to sever relations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like your opinion on the proper etiquette for when a car stops to allow a pedestrian to cross the street. I believe the polite thing to do is to give the motorist some signal of gratitude and walk quickly across the street. Some feel no need to rush.

GENTLE READER: In the ancient world -- by which Miss Manners means the days before Same-Day Shipping -- there was an understanding that most accounts did not need to be settled on a daily basis.

Dinner guests issued reciprocal invitations at a later date rather than paying for dinner with a present, food or even cash. Friends repaid favors as opportunities arose.

In the case you mention, your haste is understandable, since you are unlikely to encounter this motorist again. But this does not modify the rules. Acknowledge the kindness with a gesture, as you suggest. While there is no necessity to speed up your crossing, there is also no prohibition. There is, however, a prohibition against reciprocating with a rudeness -- stopping mid-street, for example, to check your emails.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 8-year-old daughter, Lily, was invited to an informal family gathering at her cousin Edna’s paternal grandfather’s home. Lily is Edna’s cousin on her mother’s side (my sister-in-law), and this was a gathering of cousins on Edna’s father’s side.

But since both sides of this family are quite large, we have never made a distinction in such gatherings. For example, we host an Easter egg hunt where both sides are invited, though we have no relation to her father’s nieces and nephews.

At the recent event, when lining up roughly 20 cousins for informal snapshots, one of Edna’s aunts physically pulled Lily out of the group and said the photos were “only for the cousins.”

I was speechless, but later thought I should have spoken up, saying, “Well, Lily is EDNA’s cousin.” It made my daughter feel extremely unwelcome and I doubt we will accept another invitation from this family. How could I have better handled the situation?

GENTLE READER: Edna’s aunt could have handled the situation better by allowing for different family groupings, none more or less important. The cousins on one side. The cousins on the other side. The parents. The relatives wearing red, yellow and blue.

Absent that, Miss Manners would have suggested you invent your own groupings while extricating your daughter both from the situation and the photograph: “This one is the paternal kids, sweetie. I suppose we’re going to do the maternal side next.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several friends and I have had an ongoing discussion about what to do with silverware placed on the table, but not used during the course of the meal. Does it go into the dishwasher or back in the drawer? Is some rule of etiquette or personal preference the deciding factor? Please provide the tie-breaker answer.

GENTLE READER: It goes back into the kitchen, where a panel from the Health Department inspects it and decides whether or not it is sterile enough for human use. So your curious friends will never know where it goes from there. Sorry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does the general opprobrium against women wearing white to someone else’s wedding also apply if it is a wedding between two men?

I have a white cocktail dress with a significant amount of black detailing along its sides. It would never be confused for a wedding dress, but I have refrained from wearing it to weddings and rehearsal dinners to avoid any risk of offense. As a result, it doesn’t leave my closet very often.

I am attending a wedding between two men. I am absolutely certain neither will be in a dress. May I wear mine?

GENTLE READER: Might there be an additional reason that you should not wear this dress to that wedding? Is it possible that the attending staff, and perhaps even uninformed guests, might mistake you for the bride?

Miss Manners supposes not. But if the bridal couple favors the tradition that deems both white and black unsuitable in a guest’s dress, that would be a good reason. She will refrain from asking why you bought a dress that you have no occasion to wear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a public dance event. My friend had mentioned that a particular dancer was very good, and that she, like me, was widowed. I later saw an opportunity to ask said dancer to dance, and she politely declined.

Afterward, my friend’s boyfriend chastised me for asking the widow to dance because “her husband died only three months ago.”

Is it inappropriate, at a public dance, to ask someone to dance who is known to be widowed?

GENTLE READER: Why does that unauthorized etiquetteer think that it is up to you, and not to the widow herself, to set the terms of her mourning?

It would be indelicate to invite a newly bereaved lady to attend a dance. But Miss Manners notes that this lady has already decided to go, and to dance. Therefore, that is not an issue. She is free to decline your request, as she did, but not to take it as an etiquette violation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son works at the local ice cream shop. When I dropped him off recently, I asked him to bring me something home. When he got home, he had ice cream with him but didn’t have any for me. He proceeded to sit down and eat it in front of me.

When I asked him the next day why he didn’t offer to share, he said it was because he knew I was on a diet. My daughter then proceeded to tell me it’s OK to eat in front of others without offering to share, to get something else or to just plain wait.

Am I not right? Should people be allowed to eat in front of others?

GENTLE READER: It would appear that you have two children who are innocent of manners. Miss Manners will not inquire why this is the case. But at least let her relieve you of your apparent doubt about whether you should accept etiquette advice from them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)