DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two friends go out for breakfast, each ordering eggs, toast and coffee. The total bill is $20. They agree to leave a 20 percent tip ($4) for the fast and friendly service.

The following week, the same two friends go across the street to a comparable restaurant and again order eggs, toast and coffee for breakfast. This time, the total bill is $22.

When it comes to deciding the tip, one friend suggests that the tip should be the same as last week, 20 percent ($4.40). The other friend reasons that because the food, the service and the dining experience were essentially the same, the total amount paid, $24, should be the same, meaning a $2 tip. This friend further reasons that if the restaurant owner is charging 10 percent more for the same meal, the staff should be compensated accordingly higher.

When all other factors are essentially equal, should comparative meal costs factor into tip consideration?

GENTLE READER: Although she dislikes any business system that makes tipping necessary by underpaying staff, Miss Manners recognizes that tips are, by custom, based on a fraction of the bill. They therefore rise in step with the price of the meal.

This is not, however, your problem. Your problem is that the fraction to be paid is not fixed, and your friend and you disagree on how strictly to apply the percentage you nominally agree upon.

The simple answer is for each of you to exercise your own judgment in setting your portion of the tip, which, if Miss Manners’ math is correct, would have been $1 plus $2.20, which she is reasonably confident comes to $3.20.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m not wealthy, but I’m quite well off and need nothing. Rather than give me gifts, several members of my family observe milestones in my life by donating to charities of their choice in my name.

I appreciate the thoughts and always thank them appropriately. In recent years, however, one couple has begun donating to charities that are anti-gay, to say the least, and they know that I am gay.

Am I under any obligation to thank them? Would it be considered rude to tell them I find such a donation in my name to be very inconsiderate?

GENTLE READER: Although she has always disliked substituting cash or donations for genuine gift-giving, Miss Manners is growing especially weary of the recent rash of criticism-disguised-as—a-present.

Whether her weariness manifests as hostility or irritation -- and what response she recommends to you, the recipient -- depends on the giver’s intent. Was it to insult? Or were they unaware of, or indifferent to, yet one more company that pairs a good product with bad corporate citizenship?

The former may deserve the note you suggest; but the latter requires a more moderate tone, tempering thanks for the (good) intention with a compassionate explanation of your concern.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it all right if my husband takes responsibility for sending out our handwritten thank-you notes, and uses the opportunity to practice his handwriting (which may shock some recipients)?

When he must hand-write formal or business notes, I pen them for him because it would obviously be improper if he wrote in his own script, which looks like it was written by a kindergartner. But is it all right to subject recipients of personal thank-you notes to his atrocious, but legible, handwriting?

He knows he needs practice and has no objection to writing them. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about these notes, right? Using them for him to practice something he’s wobbly at, but I could do properly, doesn’t devalue them in any way? I’m proud of him for trying to better himself.

GENTLE READER: That’s good, because it will help soothe you when you find that your husband’s scribbles are received with more praise than are your own beautifully written efforts.

This is because of the outrageous, but unfortunately not fully outdated, notion that married gentlemen are not responsible for any social correspondence, not even to thank people for shared presents. Your husband’s awkward handwriting will be considered touching, whereas if you wrote like that, it would be seen as a sign of ignorance.

Miss Manners trusts that his writing will improve. She wishes that she could say the same of social attitudes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it begin to be acceptable to go stockingless? Unless they work in a professional office that requires women to wear stockings, some women wear their dresses without stockings. Even the women newscasters. Not all have such pretty, flawless legs! This is mostly done by older women. I am an older lady and my peers’ legs look awful; therefore, I no longer wear dresses in the summer. Even some of the younger ladies (20s-40s) should not be going without!

In my job as a receptionist, I see so many walk by, and some of their legs would look so much better with stockings covering them. There are very nice sheer stockings that can be purchased, and I’ve seen toeless stockings for women to wear with sandals. I realize that during the summer it is too hot to be wearing them, but going without is not very professional!

GENTLE READER: You should cultivate the habit of looking up, not down, because Miss Manners assures you that you are not going to win this one.

Besides, she finds your requirement that legs be young, flawless or hidden to be -- well, unseemly. Going stockingless is hardly the worst of the transgressions resulting from the desire for comfort over formality.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate response when a stranger tells me to smile? A man at the gym has done this twice. I don’t want to be rude, but I would like him to stop.

GENTLE READER: “Then say something witty.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received a wedding invitation from my niece’s son addressed “to whom it may concern.”

We met him only once, several years ago, and have never heard from him. We have not heard from his mother, my niece, in about two years. We will not be attending the wedding, as they live in California and we live in Ohio.

Would a card sent with our regrets and best wishes be appropriate to send, without a gift?

GENTLE READER: “To whom it may concern”?

You have no idea how sorely Miss Manners is tempted to say it is no concern of yours. She humbly acknowledges that your solution is the gracious one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I very much enjoy hosting small dinner parties in our home. Good company is, of course, the reason for these get-togethers, but I also really enjoy making a lovely and creative meal and setting a beautiful table for the people I care about.

I am known as a very good cook and baker, and I am as certain as one can be that it is not false flattery, based both on how quickly invitations are accepted and how often I am begged to cater important events in friends’ lives.

We are frequently asked to join friends at restaurants, but hospitality is never reciprocated. I was told by a frequent guest that she and others in our group feel so guilty about not offering us hospitality, but it is just too intimidating to try to cook for me, after the elegant meals I have been providing for so long.

I was shocked, and felt absolutely terrible! Where on earth did they get the idea that this was a competition? Or that hot dogs on paper plates would not be lovely, combined with good company and lively conversation?

I cook for the love of cooking, and above all for the love of my friends and family! How do I make this right?

GENTLE READER: If they are inviting you to restaurants as their guests, they are reciprocating. But they are not going to realize how offensive their explanation is unless you tell them. They actually think that they are offering you a compliment.

As they seem to be good friends, you should be able to say gently, “You know, it’s not a competition. I enjoy many styles of food, and would be honored to be invited to your house.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems I can hardly open my mouth these days before the person I am talking with says “Got it!” or words to that effect.

I am careful about not telling long and/or boring stories, and I don’t think I drag out my speech, but very often I am being cut short. Is communication only about getting quickly to the point?

I am tired of saying, “Please let me finish.”

GENTLE READER: Then don’t. In fact, don’t say anything.

Miss Manners has found that the best way to deal with people who anticipate what one is going to say is to let them say it and then to refrain from speaking at all, as they seem to want to handle both sides of the conversation. Eventually, they do notice the silence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)