DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a bartender at a small neighborhood bar. I have a great rapport with many customers, who have told me they come in specifically on my shifts for the good conversations. I am grateful for such comments, and also for my patrons’ generosity.

Most of my customers, while friendly, do understand that there’s a line between us, and don’t try to extend our good relationships outside of the bar. But lately, I’ve been struggling with a patron who very much wants a friendship outside the bar.

I do not, under any circumstances, want to be friends with this man. He’s never said or done anything terrible; I just simply don’t find his company very interesting and I don’t want to feel like I’m at work during my free time.

I’ve tried a number of polite responses in an attempt to defray the conversation. He does not take the hint. I’m at a loss as to how to communicate that I don’t want to hang out with him while also maintaining his patronage. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me so much if he stopped coming on my shifts, but I don’t want the bar to lose a valued customer because I’ve offended him.

GENTLE READER: Some professions, by their nature, risk blurring the distinction between the professional and the personal.

It is natural to think that your doctor’s interest in your health is greater than that a scientist feels for a lab rat. And the teacher who spends extra time to make sure you understand the subject can be forgiven for developing a more than professional pride in your accomplishments.

But everyone needs time off, for which reason those professions cultivate distancing mechanisms, from the doctor’s lab coat to the now-disappearing habit of referring to the teacher by last name.

Such professionals, when approached outside the office and the classroom, are trained to refer the client to a colleague who is on duty. While this might work in your case, Miss Manners has her doubts. Your problem is, she cannot help noticing, at least partly self-created.

Bartenders in general, if not you in particular, increase their business by intentionally posing as pseudo-friends. That makes it easy to understand customers’ confusion. You can clarify the situation by saying, “I’m always happy to chat with you here, but I have a strict policy of separating my work from my private life.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend and I were at a comedy show with another friend. At one point during the performance, both my girlfriend and I got up to go to the bathroom, which was just outside in the hallway. When I came out of the bathroom, I went back inside to our table. My girlfriend said I was supposed to wait for her by the ladies’ bathroom. Am I in the wrong?

GENTLE READER: The only applicable rule is one you both broke, namely, agreeing in advance on what to do. Miss Manners will accept any decision that does not involve one party forlornly standing outside a bathroom waiting for someone who is back at the table laughing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For nine years, my husband has worked for a company, part of a large nationwide corporation, where everyone is an “at will” employee. His former boss was compassionate and protective of those he supervised.

Upon that person’s retirement, a younger woman was brought in with almost no experience, and apparently given free reign/total power. This new general manager rules by fear and intimidation (and I surmise that this may stem from a lack of confidence).

Over the past year and a half, she has told most everyone, at every level, that they are “terrible” at their work, even though many have awards from the company that would easily counter that impression. She has fired some, and is in the process of demoting the rest -- placing herself basically in charge of everything. Many have chosen to quit in the midst of this chaos, and ultimately, the clients of the business will stand to suffer the most.

This woman has made it clear that no negative comments about her will be tolerated, even though they may indeed be true. Job loss will be the result, it seems, and she sends spies out to enforce this rule. The similarities to Hitler are uncanny.

I am a highly trained professional in another field, out of this person’s reach. I want to somehow intervene on behalf of those who have been suffering at the hands of this injustice, without putting my own spouse’s job on the line.

GENTLE READER: Even if your contemplated advice related to an area in which you are a publicly recognized expert, even if it did not compare the new management to mass murderers, and even if it is accurate, Miss Manners can say with confidence that it will not be welcome.

The bigger problem is that management will be correct in saying that you have no right to be heard on this particular subject. You lack what the courts call “standing,” by which they mean a direct stake in the situation.

Your husband, by contrast, is free to speak up. This may indeed have consequences for his employment, but at least it will spare him the embarrassment of having to hear what management thinks about any intervention by you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 83-year-old father has advanced Alzheimer’s, and we are planning his final arrangements. I am charged with his finances and handling all of his affairs.

My ex-stepmother (they were married 25 years) divorced my dad right after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis as she just “couldn’t deal with it” -- leaving his care to me and my siblings. The family does not maintain contact with her. She also took all of their possessions when they split up, and left us to find an assisted-living care facility for Dad.

I do NOT want her at his funeral, nor do any of my family; however, my mother -- they were divorced 46 years ago, but are on good terms -- says I should invite her.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette respects the final resting place of the deceased -- and of relationships that were terminated by vile behavior. As no one is on speaking terms with the ex-wife now, Miss Manners sees no obvious (or etiquette) reason to modify that at your father’s death.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a large department store, I noticed a woman wearing a particularly attractive blouse. As I walked by, I said, “Nice blouse” and walked on. She immediately caught up to me and said, “That was a VERY personal remark.”

I told her that I was sorry she was offended, but she continued on about how inappropriate the remark was. I didn’t apologize for the remark, but truly was sorry she was offended by it. Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Any suggestion that you were wrong would bring on the defense that you meant your remark kindly, that the recipient of it was rude, and that the world would be a better place if we occasionally said pleasant things to one another. And Miss Manners acknowledges all that to be true.

Nevertheless, she believes that you should be aware of the discomfort that this might cause to some people. A man making such a remark to a strange woman might seem lewd, and anyone commenting on someone in professional circumstances would seem to be valuing her appearance above her work.

Nor is it necessarily pleasant to think that one’s looks are being evaluated, even favorably, when going about one’s business in public. We have the fiction that we can move about anonymously.

Miss Manners hopes that this does not discourage you from spreading goodwill, only perhaps you might do it a bit more selectively.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it good manners to refer to oneself in the third person? It makes most people uncomfortable, which seems to be the best way to judge whether a particular behavior is proper etiquette.

GENTLE READER: You talkin’ to HER?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a seasonal intern for a company at which I would like to have a career. I get complimented all the time, with people saying, “You do such a good job,” and “You’re the best intern we have.”

My go-to response is, “I’m just doing my job,” to which they respond, “But you do a great job.”

I feel as if my response is worn out and meaningless. How do you recommend I respond to these compliments?

GENTLE READER: You have the perfect answer, should you be acclaimed for doing something truly heroic and which is not absolutely required of you. For example, should you come up with a way to placate a client who is threatening a million-dollar lawsuit, that is what you should say.

But in fact, you are simply doing your expected job, Miss Manners gathers, although doing it exceptionally well. You should therefore accept the compliment with gracious thanks. And it wouldn’t hurt to add that you love doing it and feel lucky to work with such fine people.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is appropriate for ex-spouses at funerals?

GENTLE READER: Refraining from any behavior that could lead to another funeral, or the hope for one.

Whether that means the former spouse should keep in the background when paying respects, or that making oneself known would be comforting, is probably best known to the former partners themselves, Miss Manners would think.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)