DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman of my acquaintance has a strange habit at funerals: She asks when the reading of the will is to take place.

I think it is vulgar, but perhaps I am mistaken. Is it OK to ask, or should one wait to be contacted by the executor or legal professional involved?

GENTLE READER: From how many deceased is this woman expecting money?

She should be told that you are sure “the pertinent parties will contact you if your presence is required.” Then Miss Manners suggests you place yourself between this woman and any open caskets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My teenage son left his driver’s license at an airport restaurant. A worker there returned it to him in the mail. My son did not even realize it was missing, as he had other forms of ID.

I have asked him to write the sender a thank-you note, but he does not seem to think it is necessary. I have advised him that this person did a kind thing, and it would be nice for the sender to know the license was actually returned. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: Surely your son’s flippancy about having other forms of ID would have turned to panic the next time he got pulled over for speeding.

It is a simple enough gesture to write a thank-you letter for an act of kindness, especially one without which he could have found himself in much deeper trouble. Miss Manners acknowledges that this is not the point, but if the principle of kindness and reciprocal gestures does not resonate, abject fear might.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We often have friends over for casual dinners and they reciprocate regularly, which is very nice. When setting the table, we put out what most people will normally use for a meal: utensils, napkins, serving implements, salt and pepper shakers, and glassware for whatever beverage is being served (usually water, iced tea or wine).

Often we are told, “That’s too much stuff on the table,” and we politely ignore such remarks. When we go to the homes of others, we regularly find absolutely nothing on the table other than a single fork at each place. Platters of food are presented with no serving utensils.

Invariably, someone will ask for a knife, a napkin, butter, a glass of water, etc., and then there is another frantic search of the kitchen for the requested item, with the hosts having to jump up and down frequently.

Whatever happened to “setting the table” -- a very basic household chore that most of us learned at an early age?

GENTLE READER: What, indeed -- especially since Miss Manners has no doubt that these same people registered at their weddings, birthdays and housewarmings for all that stuff they now deem excessive.

Rude observations of your correctly appointed table may be greeted with, “Maybe it’s strange, but we like to have all the eating implements we will need at the table so that we can fully enjoy your company.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This left me stunned: My sister sent out text invitations for her older son’s eighth birthday party. Included was a note requesting that all presents be delivered, unwrapped, at least two days before the party. (The note further explained that she had a huge pile of leftover wrapping paper and wanted to save everyone the trouble and expense.)

I purchased a building set that my nephew had mentioned and, though I thought the request was bizarre and crude, dropped the toy off the day before the party. My sister was annoyed that the present was “late,” but accepted it.

On the day of the party, the boy sat down to open his gifts and, much to my surprise, the gift from me was not the one I purchased. Apparently, that was the case for a good number of the gifts.

Yes, my sister requested the presents early to “pre-return them for something more appropriate” (her words). In some cases, the gifts were “too cheap.” Other gifts, mine included, were returned for something “more suitable.” In my case, she thought her “talented boy would do better” with a more complicated building set, even though I bought the one that he requested. My sister is in utter disbelief that anyone was offended, since she considers that she did us all a favor.

It seems a shame to punish the kids because their mother has lost her mind, but I have very little inclination to go to the trouble of purchasing gifts for anyone in that family again, and I am not a fan of gift cards (which would probably be to the wrong store, anyway).

May I have a polite response, please, from Miss Manners to give when my sister next demands gifts? At the moment, the only reply I can think of involves four-letter words, which I should very probably keep to myself.

GENTLE READER: Rather than waiting for an opportunity to issue those four-letter words, Miss Manners proposes that you initiate the present-giving before your sister gets the chance to put restrictions on it.

“This year, my present will be to take Bennett shopping for it himself.” This reinforces the idea that you and your nephew have your own relationship -- and other ideas about what he might like to receive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Soon after my daughter’s wedding “Save the Date” cards were sent, a guest called to say his family will be on a safari that day and cannot attend. Do we still send an invitation? While he effectively gave his RSVP, it seems harsh to drop him from the guest list.

GENTLE READER: And yet equally awkward for him to feel that he must respond to it, when he thinks he already has (although that card did not require any response). However, in case his plans change, Miss Manners suggests you send an invitation, scribbling on it by hand, “Bon voyage! We’ll miss you at the wedding. Let’s get together afterwards and exchange photos -- where we promise to admire your giraffes, if you admire our bride.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response when you have been disinvited to a girls’ weekend after being one of the first “yes” responders?

I am part of a group of college friends who try to get together on long weekend getaways. We are dispersed throughout the U.S., so it is difficult to solidify dates and commitments.

One friend offered heading down south for a girls’ weekend at her mother’s place and I stated that I was “in.” I am probably the most flexible one in the group, since I am single and do not have kids.

Two months later, with no word of this invite coming to fruition, I did not think it was going to happen.

Now I get a call from the hostess, telling me that she and two other friends are heading to her mom’s place, but that I am no longer part of this trip. This is due to the fact that the weekend was going to be an “intervention” for one of our friends who is going through a rough patch in life with work, finances, husband, etc. (Nothing related to alcohol or drug addiction.) The hostess thought that adding more friends would intimidate her from “opening up.”

This friend with “issues” has been a frequent communicator with me, so I am totally up to speed with her trials and tribulations. The other friend who was invited to the trip went to high school with the friend with the issues, so she was allowed to take part.

Needless to say, I was hurt and disappointed that I was excluded, which I expressed. Should I be seeking other, more reliable friends, or actually be relieved that since this girls’ weekend would be focused on one person’s woes, it would not be a chance to truly enjoy a weekend getaway?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners objects vehemently to hosts’ rescinding invitations without overwhelming and unavoidable cause, she does not agree that this is what happened.

To invent an extreme example, the list of attendees at the funeral that required cancellation of the wedding need not be the same. (The list is the same in “Romeo and Juliet” productions because the theater already paid for the costumes -- not to mention the actors -- not because of any dictate of etiquette.)

Your weekend getaway and the trip that actually occurred are very different events. As you recognize, “focusing on one person’s woes” is unlikely to be an enjoyable weekend getaway. The proper responses to what occurred are, in descending order of importance: concern for your unhappy friend, tolerance for the friend who was unable to pull off the hoped-for getaway, and relief that you were excused from an unpleasant trip.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was served a meal that included fork-tender meat. Does this mean knives were optional?

GENTLE READER: Yes, although Miss Manners is unclear why, as the guest, you are concerned -- unless you were planning to stay after dinner and help wash up.

Were you the host, she would recommend providing knives. She promises not to inquire whether unused knives are returned to the drawer or put in the dishwasher after everyone leaves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)