DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a casual restaurant dinner, the teen relative of one of our friends became ill. He arrived well, but unfortunately later took a turn for the worse and discreetly left the room.

When he returned, he sat down across from me and muttered how nothing was left in his stomach. He then said quietly but audibly to another relative that it was unpleasant to vomit in a public toilet, adding other unappetizing details, which I need not detail further.

His mother gathered up their things and took him home, but our food was delivered to us around the time he made the comments.

Although I work with numerous medical professionals and am not squeamish, I had to concentrate hard to continue to eat my (otherwise delicious) meal! Others may complain that this or that minor thing “ruined their meal,” but this -- a situation where someone inches away from our dinner food was looking horrible and sharing stomach-churning details -- truly, I think, fits the figurative phrase.

It would not have been helpful or supportive to say “hurry up and go home!” and heartless to say “please don’t sit here,” but that’s what I wished! What could I have said or done that could have mitigated the unpleasantness of what I observed and heard (after all, one cannot un-hear things), without causing more grief or sadness to our friend or her emotionally sensitive son dealing with a challenging medical condition? Since we will be having these dinner meetings monthly, it is likely to occur again.

GENTLE READER: Then you should probably change restaurants.

Grateful as she is for your high estimation of what good manners can achieve, Miss Manners must nevertheless confess that life contains unpleasant moments even for those with impeccable manners.

The teenage relative did not have unimpeachable manners. It would have been far better had he not provided details, even in an undertone. But he did excuse himself for the main event, and leave shortly thereafter.

Taxing him with ruining your evening by looking ill is ungentlemanly. You did not deserve to have your meal ruined, but then neither did the teenage relative. Even in civilized society, unpleasant things that happen to one person can be unavoidably unpleasant for others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who augments her income by purchasing homes in need of TLC, moving in, renovating and reselling. After each home is completed, she hosts a party to show friends her handiwork, and within a year or two sells the home and moves into her next project.

I enjoy her parties as a chance to see acquaintances I don’t run into often, and I have always brought a housewarming gift. I have now been invited to my fifth such event and am wondering: Is it necessary to bring a housewarming gift every time she moves, given that it’s a frequent event and a source of income for her?

GENTLE READER: As presents are not required, Miss Manners has no objection to neglecting to bring one in recognition of a friend’s fifth house. The same rule can be applied if a friend were to acquire a fifth husband or child -- but should not be applied to a fifth birthday.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a friend to lunch to celebrate her birthday, and received an email thanking me even though “the food wasn’t very good.”

As an anniversary gift, I gave a couple theater tickets for a play I know they very much wanted to see. They sent a note saying how much they appreciated the gesture, even though they “wished the seats had been closer to the stage.”

How would you respond to such critiques?

GENTLE READER: “I’m so sorry you were disappointed. I will not be running the risk of disappointing you again.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It used to be that a wedding was a simple event. The bride had a shower, which the maid of honor hostessed. And then there was the wedding.

Now, there is an engagement party, the bachelorette party, the shower, the bridal luncheon and the wedding -- also spa day, professional hair and makeup, etc.

My daughter is getting married and it feels like a nine-month event. Her plans are to have a bachelorette party in a city seven hours away.

When I suggested that the bridesmaids be given an idea of the cost, she became high-handed and told me that the party is about her and that I am trying to “nickel and dime” her wedding -- which is swiftly following her graduation -- five years of tuition not yet repaid.

I consider that letting bridesmaids know the approximate cost of the party prior to making definitive plans would be common courtesy. I am concerned how much brides now carry an attitude of entitlement for what has become “The Wedding Show,” possibly losing the honor of the actual marriage. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: To take into consideration the feelings and practical circumstances of those who were supposedly chosen for their friendship?

You are at least unusual, by your own account and that of exploited bridesmaids, many of whom have complained to Miss Manners.

And then there is the poor bridegroom. Has anyone warned him what to expect of life with someone with elaborate plans to honor herself at others’ expense?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a concert that started with our national anthem, everyone stood (and sang, if they cared to, with the orchestra). But in the row in front of me sat three people, an older woman and two 20-something adults, who did not stand. Upon observing them, I came to the conclusion that they were visitors from another country.

Is it polite for foreigners visiting our country to sit when our national anthem is being played? It annoyed me a bit, and I know if I were in similar circumstances, I would stand out of respect for their country and its national anthem. Am I being too sensitive in this situation?

GENTLE READER: You are correct that standing in silence is the respectful attitude for a foreigner to maintain during the rendition of another country’s anthem. But Miss Manners trusts that you will also observe respect for other people.

That requires presuming that others’ such errors are made from ignorance, not malice, and (although admittedly, the custom of silent standing respect is known around the world) making special allowances for uninformed foreigners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, who have lived in our tight-knit neighborhood for more than 25 years, have just become the first to take down our old house and build a new, larger one in its place. We wanted to stay in the neighborhood we loved, with old friends nearby.

We will be inviting many friends and neighbors to see the house before we move in, as there has naturally been a lot of curiosity and we want to get the “tours” over with all at once.

I have always been taught that “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all,” but I find this is not always the case with others. I don’t know how to handle criticisms of our taste or what we did or did not choose to spend money on.

Already, a woman has asked the size of the house and number of bathrooms, and immediately told me that her son’s house is twice the size with en-suite bathrooms for all the bedrooms (which we do not have).

I feel this is very rude, but do not know if I should say so to her face or try to brush it off. I’m afraid such remarks do cause me stress, and more than a couple like this are likely to make me ill and spoil the event. Even thinking about it is giving me a headache.

GENTLE READER: What are you fantasizing that you would say to your neighbor’s face? “Oh, good for him”?

All right. Miss Manners simply wants to work on the diction, and perhaps a bit on the wording. Practice saying, “How nice! I’m sure he must be very happy with his house, and you must be very proud of him.” In order to make this a conversation, rather than a competition, you must say it with cheerful enthusiasm.

But do you really want to invite people whom you apparently know to be tactless and critical? Couldn’t you let them suffer with curiosity by saying, “Oh, really, there’s nothing much to see. It’s just an ordinary house with a bit more room than we had before”?

If you must let them in, you could respond to any such unpleasant remarks by saying, “Perhaps you would do it differently, but this is what suits us.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that one must never wear clothing which bears a likeness or replica of the flag of the U.S.A. -- that the “flag should never be used as decoration for civilian clothing, pillows, furniture or athletic uniforms.”

I see violations of this admonition more frequently as time passes. Has the rule changed, or is it simply now more often ignored by our manufacturers and consumers?

GENTLE READER: Oddly, the rule is being ignored primarily by people who consider themselves patriots. What puzzles Miss Manners is that such violators seem to feel that they are somehow honoring the flag by strewing it all over themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)