DEAR MISS MANNERS: At this time of year many of my friends, acquaintances and employees have children graduating from high school or college. Since I know many of them are having difficulty raising funds for further education, it seems to me that cash might be welcome, but I don’t wish to insult them. Could cash be considered an insult?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but an amazing number of people are now eager to be so insulted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 50-something stepson-in-law, although successful in the business world, cannot or does not translate his bone-crushing handshake from his efforts to “impress” business clients into the social world of family gatherings.

At 80 years of age, I have a nice, firm handshake, but with concerted effort, as I am missing the ring finger of my right hand due to a childhood accident.

The last time my wife’s daughter and son-in-law came over to celebrate a birthday, my fighting a recent cancer diagnosis with chemotherapy apparently had no influence on his “business” handshake. He actually hurt my hand, it was so forceful.

He has a delicate ego, and I make every effort to never offer any constructive comments regarding anything about him, for fear of a petulant and sour attitude the remainder of the visit.

Any suggestions, dear lady? I would like to know how to tell him he doesn’t need to try to break my hand when he offers his in a warm and casual greeting. Unless he comes to the realization he is hurting me, I will have to stop accepting his offer to shake hands, and bear the consequences of his delicate ego.

GENTLE READER: Although she never thought she would live to say this, Miss Manners advises you to offer him a hug. It is true that she has been campaigning against promiscuous hugging, but that is among co-workers, strangers and acquaintances. This is within the family, where it might be easier for you to open your arms safely wide than to plead the various legitimate physical excuses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that mere sympathy cards are not the proper way to express condolences. I have written condolence letters to friends whose loved ones I had some relationship with, and could discuss. But what do I say when I only know my friend and didn’t know their loved one?

I have a friend who is caring for her terminally ill brother. They have had a difficult and distant relationship. I have never met her brother and know nothing else about him.

I will certainly be able to offer condolences to my friend on her loss, but can think of little else to say. It seems to me that a blank page of stationery with a few sentences on it looks more depressing than a beautiful card with those sentences written at the bottom of the preprinted wording.

GENTLE READER: You have already told Miss Manners enough to fill a page: that you care for your friend and sympathize with her bereavement, that you know what good care she took of her brother, and that you are thinking of her at this difficult time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was out with a lady friend of mine when my nose started to run. I pulled out my handkerchief and blew my nose. She then told me that it is rude to do so at the table.

This is the first time in my 59 years of living that I ever heard such a thing. Is she right? I would not ever mean to be rude.

GENTLE READER: And you have doubts about how polite it would be to sit there letting your nose drip?

Miss Manners receives lots of complaints about nose-blowing, but such denunciations are never accompanied by alternative suggestions.

It is true that if there is a serious nasal problem, the offender might be better off home in bed. But for lesser problems, even if they are chronic, it is not so easy to keep leaving the table.

She presumes that it is when the blowing is accompanied by unattractive honking that it offends. Perhaps you can learn to blow discreetly and quietly, unless the situation is indeed serious enough to make you leave the table.

But unpleasant noises that have no place at the table include accusations of rudeness lobbed at one’s fellow diners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a physician, I recommend strongly against allowing others to try on one’s rings.

One evening, two distraught young women came into the emergency room where I was working. One, newly engaged, had allowed the other to try on her ring. The ring became stuck and could not be removed. The finger was beginning to swell.

Fortunately, using a stout thread and a great quantity of soap, I was able to remove the ring without cutting off either the ring or the finger. An event such as this would cast quite a pall over an engagement party.

GENTLE READER: Yes, indeed. Even without the appalling threat of losing a finger or smashing a ring, Miss Manners considers this a bad idea.

She presumes that the newly engaged lady was not offering to toss her ring around, although you never know. It is more plausible, although still rude, that a guest had asked to try it on. The response, then, should be, “Oh, I don’t like to take it off,” with a blushing smile.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m seeing restaurants place napkins to the right side of where a plate will go, instead of to the left. Sometimes all the silverware, including the fork, will be on the napkin to the right side. In a major home design magazine, the photo stylist placed napkins under the knife on the right side.

Have I missed something? I thought napkins were placed on the left side of the plate. You will see tables set with napkins laid vertically on the plate also, which I assume is correct and something fancy to do on occasion.

What’s going on? What should I do at home, when placing the napkin?

GENTLE READER: Napkins do belong to the left of the forks or centered on the service plate. Restaurants and stylists may have nothing better to do than to mess around with the correct placement, but Miss Manners does, so there has been no change since you learned to set the table correctly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a family quandary as to how to best address a situation with our nephew, Chet. Chet was always a very loud boy with some lack of social graces. We always thought he would grow out of it and grow up, like the rest of his cousins.

Unfortunately, at age 17, Chet still continues to dominate every family gathering. He constantly talks over and interrupts everyone. His father (my brother, divorced and now remarried) says nothing about it. It has always been this way; even when his parents were together, there was no telling this boy to let others speak.

In addition, Chet has become more annoying due to his constant need to talk about how expensive his shoes, computer, TV, etc. are, and how much better they are than what someone else may have. It’s not just my husband and me who are bothered by this. Our parents (Chet’s grandparents) can’t stand it, either.

I have made an occasional comment about his remarks about how much everything costs -- or the occasional “I am speaking, can I finish, please?” -- but it seems to only help for about three minutes.

Now that Chet is approaching adulthood, I would love his father to sit down with him and have a discussion about this, but it’s not likely to happen. What is the best way for the family to deal with it next time we are together? Chet tends to make us all dread the next family celebration or holiday.

GENTLE READER: If only the problem of constant interruption and material obsessions were unique to 17-year-old boys.

With your help, at least your nephew may still have a chance of becoming a considerate conversationalist -- a skill he will need to cultivate if he hopes to keep himself surrounded by expensive things.

At 17, he is presumably on the verge of attending college or joining the workforce. Miss Manners recommends you point this out and offer to practice his interview skills with him, giving him constructive feedback as you go. If you pose it like a funny role-playing exercise, he may never catch on that he is learning a lesson -- while he tries out his newfound skills on his family.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I are animal lovers, and have a pet lizard and ferret in addition to our dog. Often in social situations, when we tell people about our ferret, they say, “Oh, I don’t like ferrets.”

I find this to be very rude and hurtful. What do I say to those people?

I usually just say, “Well, we really love ferrets, and ours is the center of our world” or something equally gushy, because my partner and I really are enamored of her. I just don’t understand why someone would feel it’s appropriate to express disgust over a member of our family.

GENTLE READER: As with wayward family members, your ferret is likely only known by reputation. You might respond, “Scarlet is a sweetheart, but if she makes you uncomfortable, we can keep you two apart. We do not wish to hurt her feelings.” Miss Manners then dearly hopes that Scarlet does not go on to betray your high esteem.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)