DEAR MISS MANNERS: Unexpectedly, in a rushed public place, I met my son’s girlfriend’s mother for the first time. During the introductions and short conversation, the mother complimented our son, saying she liked him very much and thought he was a nice boy.

When I did not reply with a compliment about her daughter, the woman said, “At this point, you should say something nice about my daughter.”

I indicated that I thought her daughter was very nice and we thought a lot of her. I then made my way out of the conversation, because we were in a bit of a rush and I was a bit put off.

My son came to our house and perpetuated the situation, telling me they thought I was rude not to have immediately reciprocated but had to be asked to do so. Should I apologize to his girlfriend, whom we really do like, or leave it alone? I don’t want to cause any hurt feelings.

GENTLE READER: Like dirty dishes, etiquette infractions become less appealing, and more work to clean up, as time goes by.

Miss Manners understands from your description that your failure to reciprocate was not a lack of goodwill toward the daughter -- or even a disagreement that returning the compliment was the right thing to do -- but rather a side effect of your being surprised by the meeting and distracted by the time.

Irrespective of whether the mother’s comment was meant to be humorous or rude, it provided you with an easy way to repair the damage: Compliment her daughter emphatically -- so emphatically that no one could miss your surprise at the merest suggestion that you are not enamored of her.

This is a good reflex to develop, particularly for people who find they do not always say the right thing instinctively. Not having done that, a bit more soap will be required. Explain to the girlfriend what happened, apologize profusely, and tell her how much you like her. She will report this back to her mother, and since it was the daughter who, in theory, was insulted, the mother will have no further justification for being upset. And if the mother does a hold a grudge, at least you will have the daughter on your side.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A neighbor who is a dear, helpful man helps cut down trees and even occasionally cuts the lawn, but ... he has the habit of coming over during dinner. We offer him food, but he does not want to eat with us.

Is it rude to continue eating in front of him, or do we let the food get cold and reheat it after he has left? He just comes to chat, but at an inconvenient time.

GENTLE READER: Explain that you were just eating dinner, invite him in, and ask him to sit down with you at an empty place at the table.

Miss Manners is not suggesting force-feeding your inconvenient guest, only maneuvering him into a position in which you and your family will be free to continue eating while the food is hot. If he refuses to sit down, say how sorry you are that he is unable to stay and how much you look forward to seeing him again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to leave food getting cold when someone cooks for you?

This is a point of contention between my boyfriend and me. It irritates me to no end when I take the time to make a meal for him, and he lets it sit there getting cold while he does stupid things.

GENTLE READER: Letting one’s food get cold is not, in itself, an etiquette violation. The “stupid things” may be.

Examples include leaving the table during a meal without a good excuse, answering emails instead of engaging in conversation, and arranging stick-figure scenes with your green beans.

Miss Manners notes that the reward for changing those behaviors will be lively conversation that will bring you closer together. Assuming the conversation was not the stupid thing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a death in my family, I appreciated that friends of mine attended the funeral. But I was surprised when one friend questioned me -- twice -- on whether a lunch would be provided.

I told her beforehand, and again the day of, that it would not be, but that she could stop by the family house for a snack and a chat if she’d like.

She seemed to find it rude that we had not arranged for the entire group to have lunch together. I did not return any argument. I just reissued the offer to stop at my house. I was raised that people brought food for the bereaved because they were too upset to cook, and that the food was for the family and out-of-towners, not a catered buffet.

Fast-forward two weeks. The same friend had a parent die. She went out of her way to tell me that she was welcoming everyone to a local restaurant. I thanked her, but said I couldn’t come that afternoon. I would see her at calling hours and the funeral.

I went to calling hours and to the funeral, got flowers, and sent a small deli assortment to her house. She was not satisfied that I didn’t come to the buffet. Again, I didn’t return arguments, just said I was sorry that I had other plans (like still mourning my own relative).

Did I behave as poorly, as she seems to think? I didn’t in any way criticize her mourning ritual, and I tried to be thoughtful, but I didn’t go to the luncheon. Is a luncheon for all of the guests at the funeral (even in-town folks) now assumed to be a regular function that mourners should assume? If that’s the case, I’ll save up and make myself do it the next time.

GENTLE READER: Multiple and complex cultural customs -- as well as an unseemly societal haste to get funerals over with so people can proceed to something more fun -- confound expectations surrounding internment. The tradition you describe is that associated with the home visit.

Miss Manners makes allowances for different forms of observance. She would expect friends to do no less -- and scrupulously to observe the normal ban on correcting another person’s manners -- at such a time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of the practice of service people, teachers, instructors, etc. who take care of one’s children calling the mother “Mom”?

For example, I take my child to the doctor’s office and when the nurse calls my child to the room, she addresses me like this: “Mom, we are going to Room 3, do you have any questions today?”

I find this happens all the time, and I’m guessing that people don’t feel like introducing themselves and finding out the mother’s name. Personally, I think my children should be the only ones to address me as “Mom,” but perhaps I should get over it.

But then again, maybe they wouldn’t mind if I addressed them as “Nurse Person” or “Instructor.”

I make an effort to know these people who are taking care of my children. Why can’t service people return the courtesy by introducing themselves?

GENTLE READER: The receptionist has your name; it is right there on the forms you filled out as the adult accompanying your child. And if his or her name is on a badge, you can use that.

But there is no absolute need for introductions. You could have been addressed as “ma’am” (presuming you do not object on the grounds that you are not really a grown-up), or even “Oliver’s mother.”

But “Mom” is indeed cheeky. Miss Manners’ dear mother’s response to such impudence was a gentle, “But surely if I were your mother, I would remember you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are hosting a party for 40 people at a local restaurant in honor of my birthday. We will serve wine with the meal and champagne with dessert, but our budget precludes offering cocktails. What is the etiquette regarding cash bars? Would it be tacky to include a cash bar?

GENTLE READER: Yes. You may be sure that guests who are desperate for a drink will find their way to a bar on their own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A so-called friend of 30 years sent me an insulting email. When I responded in anger, he sent me an email apology.

That’s just not good enough for me. I expected a face-to-face apology. He’s quick to remark about others’ actions, but when it comes to his own, he thinks he did the right thing.

His wife, who is a very old friend, has tried to defend him. My wife has explained my stance. He’s made no attempt to reconcile. They have now invited us to a party as if nothing happened. Should we attend?

GENTLE READER: Not if you wish to continue what is now a four-way feud and end a 30-year friendship. Or, as you would put it, a so-called friendship.

Otherwise, the invitation should be considered as a peace overture, and either accepted or declined with clear regret.

Not having seen the offensive email, Miss Manners does not know whether it expressed mere peevishness, which should be covered by an apology, or something heinous, which would require serious groveling.

But she does know that if there were a time-delay built into the Send button, her load would be lighter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)