DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of the practice of service people, teachers, instructors, etc. who take care of one’s children calling the mother “Mom”?

For example, I take my child to the doctor’s office and when the nurse calls my child to the room, she addresses me like this: “Mom, we are going to Room 3, do you have any questions today?”

I find this happens all the time, and I’m guessing that people don’t feel like introducing themselves and finding out the mother’s name. Personally, I think my children should be the only ones to address me as “Mom,” but perhaps I should get over it.

But then again, maybe they wouldn’t mind if I addressed them as “Nurse Person” or “Instructor.”

I make an effort to know these people who are taking care of my children. Why can’t service people return the courtesy by introducing themselves?

GENTLE READER: The receptionist has your name; it is right there on the forms you filled out as the adult accompanying your child. And if his or her name is on a badge, you can use that.

But there is no absolute need for introductions. You could have been addressed as “ma’am” (presuming you do not object on the grounds that you are not really a grown-up), or even “Oliver’s mother.”

But “Mom” is indeed cheeky. Miss Manners’ dear mother’s response to such impudence was a gentle, “But surely if I were your mother, I would remember you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are hosting a party for 40 people at a local restaurant in honor of my birthday. We will serve wine with the meal and champagne with dessert, but our budget precludes offering cocktails. What is the etiquette regarding cash bars? Would it be tacky to include a cash bar?

GENTLE READER: Yes. You may be sure that guests who are desperate for a drink will find their way to a bar on their own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A so-called friend of 30 years sent me an insulting email. When I responded in anger, he sent me an email apology.

That’s just not good enough for me. I expected a face-to-face apology. He’s quick to remark about others’ actions, but when it comes to his own, he thinks he did the right thing.

His wife, who is a very old friend, has tried to defend him. My wife has explained my stance. He’s made no attempt to reconcile. They have now invited us to a party as if nothing happened. Should we attend?

GENTLE READER: Not if you wish to continue what is now a four-way feud and end a 30-year friendship. Or, as you would put it, a so-called friendship.

Otherwise, the invitation should be considered as a peace overture, and either accepted or declined with clear regret.

Not having seen the offensive email, Miss Manners does not know whether it expressed mere peevishness, which should be covered by an apology, or something heinous, which would require serious groveling.

But she does know that if there were a time-delay built into the Send button, her load would be lighter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: More and more frequently, one is at a social gathering or at work and someone approaches with their latest DNA results on their phone. They then proceed to give you all the details of what percent they or their relatives are, in various ethnic categories, as revealed to them by an online company.

Given the ethnicity of the person I am talking to, I am usually not all that amazed at their results, due to knowing something about past European/Asian/African history and the shifting of populations through the ages for multiple reasons.

How can one politely inform these new recipients of DNA information that their findings are not all that amazing? I try to shift topics, but they seem intent on sharing their DNA backgrounds. Am I compelled by social etiquette to respond to their statement that they are less than .1 percent of a certain ethnicity, or whatever?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but fortunately not for long. You are obliged to say “How interesting!” before turning the conversation to something relevant, but still of general interest. And in this case, the subject could be human migration patterns.

Time was, when people were eager to bore others with details of their personal lives, they had to lure them home and feed them before showing movies of vacations or grandchildren. Now everyone can whip out a cellphone full of personal material. And you have identified a whole new topic. It was always possible to speak of one’s ancestors -- once considered a classical sign of a bore -- but then it rarely meant going back many centuries.

Anyway, Miss Manners reminds you of the all-purpose defense against being handed someone else’s device: Refuse it with the regretful statement, “No, no -- I’m so clumsy, I may drop it.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not in the best financial position, making hourly wages and being 63 years old. My daughter invited me to Mother’s Day lunch, and my son invited me for Mother’s Day dinner. Am I supposed to bring presents to both my daughter and my daughter-in-law???

GENTLE READER: Surely it is only that they wish to honor you.

Well, maybe. The sweet concept of honoring one’s mother keeps spreading. Many husbands have adopted the habit of honoring their wives as mothers of their children, which seems not unreasonable as they have to help young children do this anyway.

But some mothers expect a bizarre U-turn, in which their mothers and mothers-in-law should honor them. And eventually, the concept became so diffused as to be applied to nearly everyone who is, or could be, a mother. Any female will do; those who are childless or bereaved complain of strangers presuming their maternal happiness.

Leaving aside the disdain that Miss Manners’ own dear mother had for Mother’s Day (on the grounds that there existed no day on which mothers should NOT be honored), things have gone too far.

You need only enjoy the arrangements that your children have made in your honor. No presents are necessary. But it would be gracious of you to take the opportunity to say some admiring words about the mothers of your grandchildren.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my wife and I visited our son and his girlfriend for a weekend, we stayed with them in their two-bedroom apartment and had a good time. During the weekend, we enjoyed two dinners and one nice breakfast at smart, trendy restaurants, paid for by myself.

After the last dinner was over, my son’s girlfriend said, “Let’s get ice cream. It’s on me.” We all said “Sure,” and headed off.

After standing in line and deciding what to get, I was last to order. As I looked around, my son’s girlfriend was busy in conversation several feet away with the rest of our party. I did not want to get out of line and cause a disturbance, so I paid.

I did not express my displeasure to anyone till after the weekend was over. My wife says to let it go, but it leaves a bad feeling toward a very nice girl who may be my future daughter-in-law. I was wondering how I could clear up these negative feelings without tainting relationships with all involved.

GENTLE READER: If your son’s girlfriend pulls this trick repeatedly, then Miss Manners will condone your harboring negative feelings and expressing them discreetly and tactfully to your son. But in this case, it seems as if it was a genuine error in timing.

Your anger would be better stored up for any future transgressions when -- if she becomes your daughter-in-law and is safely within the confines of the family -- you can practice suppressing it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece is getting married. I have been to four showers, and taken gifts to each. I am hosting the bridesmaid luncheon, along with two other ladies. Should I give the new couple a wedding gift, too?

GENTLE READER: It will unfortunately be expected, but Miss Manners understands your reluctance, likely emerging after shower number three.

Enough is enough. No one should be required to attend more than one bridal shower, and any presents for these should be merely tokens. Give the couple a nice, but nominal, wedding gift. And then feel free to skip their second and third baby showers that will likely come your way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Six weeks ago, my partner and I, who are both 60 years old, eloped. In a couple weeks, we are hosting a dinner party for our immediate family, and plan on telling them that we got married.

We are worried it may become awkward, because we didn’t tell anybody, and also because the two families have not met previously. We weren’t being secretive; we just wanted to tell everyone in person and at the same time, and this dinner party is our first opportunity to do that. Can you help us with advice on the best way to break this news to them?

GENTLE READER: “This probably comes as no great surprise, but Cynthia and I have some news. We just eloped and wanted you all to be the first to know. Please have some champagne.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)