DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a strange phenomenon that occurs with my wife, mother-in-law and sister-in-law: When we go out for meals together, my father-in-law, brother-in-law or I will hold the door of the restaurant open to allow the ladies to enter the building ahead of us. Inevitably --and it happens no matter the combination of couples -- the ladies will come to a complete stop immediately upon crossing the threshold, rather than moving to either side.

This prevents us from moving around them in order to get in front of them. I am assuming they stop because they want us to lead them. In reality, this makes us try to squeeze around them somehow. Quite often it creates a backup of other patrons, who are also trying to enter the building.

These scenes can sometimes be frustrating and embarrassing, as if this is our first time out in public. How can I address this with the most important women in my life without being insulting?

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, Miss Manners has met these ladies. They are the ones who stand at the top or bottom of the escalator after they get off. They don’t realize what they are doing until the bodies pile up behind them.

But they are your relatives, and should not take it amiss if you gently take their elbows and steer them clear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Perhaps you could outline the proper procedures and reasons for a “Prom Champagne Party.”

I agreed to help a friend, who is planning this event for her 17-year-old daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend. It seems to me something of a coming-out party for the girl, who didn’t participate in a debutante ball.

I can tell that my friend has definite ideas about what she wants, and it seems now that the boy’s parents (a single mother, and a re-married father) are retreating quickly. Where they once were agreeable to splitting costs of food, rentals and limos, they now seem more interested in cutting costs and doing everything on the cheap, or so my friend says.

She doesn’t have much experience doing this sort of thing. My issue is that I don’t want to have to listen to her complain about how cheap the boy’s parents are and how the stepmother is probably influencing how much the father will pay.

I thought the rules were like a wedding: The girl’s family gets to absorb the costs. I don’t want this to end in sour grapes.

GENTLE READER: Grapes should not be involved. A champagne party for a 17-year-old girl is dangerous, if not also illegal.

There are no rules about splitting the cost of a lavish party for a couple who are merely prom dates, because the whole idea is outlandish. But if people agree to entertain together, then both must approve the plans and the expenses.

You have already seen how distasteful it is of your friend to dictate the arrangements and squeeze the other couple to pay. If Miss Manners were you, she would be looking for a way to back out of this unfortunate situation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I, as a female, walk out the door first, am I supposed to hold it for the male following me?

GENTLE READER: Yes. We have revoked the custom by which a lady could let it slam in a gentleman’s face.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My late mother rescued a lot of family things as elderly relatives died off. I have inherited her hodgepodge collection of family silver, stretching from the mid-1800s to the 1940s.

There’s quite a bit -- mostly sterling -- but to make complete place settings, I have to pull from the sets of different (but related) households, each of which had its own pattern. Most of it is monogrammed, so I’m able to tell that the dinner forks came from my great-great-grandparents, while the spoons came from a great-aunt.

Luckily, some of the younger generation would like to have it, and actually prefer a mixture of patterns. As I sort through it all, it makes me wonder what the thought process was: What was supposed to happen to the previous generation’s silver and china, especially if it’s monogrammed, if each child acquired their own sets and patterns when their household was established?

For instance, I have pieces from my great-great-grandparents and three of their six children -- all different. Planned obsolescence doesn’t seem right, considering how much it cost. Truly, if I had inherited the complete silver service for each household, I’m pretty sure I could host a state dinner and still have forks left over to replace the ones that dropped on the floor.

When this tradition began, did they not foresee a tsunami of silver a few generations down the road, or was it planned to be sold when the original owners died? And who would buy it, if it’s not their initials? If my small-town, modestly wealthy family had this much silver, I can only imagine how much must be sloshing around the attics of the really well-to-do.

GENTLE READER: You are fortunate to have not only ancestors, but also descendants who appreciate table silver. The latter are especially rare these days.

As British snobs would say, “You are not the sort of people who (sneer) buy their silver.” Mixed monograms were valued as evidence of that.

Some in the family obviously did buy, because one set of parents could produce more than one child, and every household needs to eat. The problem then would not have been a surplus, but supplying the new couples: If three of your great-great-grandparents’ children inherited silver (and grandchildren were more likely to inherit than children, whose parents might still be using theirs), new sets were needed for the other three.

Miss Manners suspects that your accumulation of orphaned silver may have less to do with a shortage of heirs than with a shortage of people to polish silver. It is probably not a coincidence that your silver was not increased after 1940, under wartime austerity and subsequent informality.

In any case, she is delighted to hear that you and your younger relatives appreciate the charm of that hodgepodge.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was engaged to a young man who wanted a big wedding. They both saved to pay for it, but in practice, the burden of organizing and paying deposits fell on my daughter, with the expectation that later they would either join their finances or he would reimburse her.

Well, two months before the wedding, he ran off with a pregnant girlfriend. My daughter is overwhelmed by the emotional fallout and the financial obligations. I volunteered to notify the guests about the cancellation.

Some guests, especially on our side of the family, complained about their nonrefundable plane tickets and demanded that we reimburse them. What is our obligation to these people? We are not in dire financial straits, but neither are they, and I feel that all financial support I can muster should be going to my daughter.

Emotionally, I am appalled that so many relatives and friends saw fit to complain and demand more from us instead of offering any words of support to my daughter. The only words that were offered were along the lines of, “I am sorry about your wedding, but can I have a few hundred dollars to cover my canceled plane ticket and my new dress?”

I cannot see this situation as anything other than them showing their true colors, and I don’t want to have any relationship with them anymore.

GENTLE READER: It never ceases to amaze Miss Manners how, even under the best circumstances, weddings -- a time for joy and warm family feelings -- consistently bring out the worst in people.

While your relatives have behaved abhorrently, they may well be rebelling against the circuslike atmosphere and financial outpouring that weddings typically incur. And now they feel that it was all for naught.

That does not condone their callous behavior; it just produces in Miss Manners a shred of sympathy for most modern wedding guests.

You have no financial obligation to these people other than returning any presents your daughter may have received. If you wanted to address your family and friends’ travel concerns, you could have hosted a gathering in the wedding’s stead -- presumably excusing your hapless daughter from attendance. But there is no reason to do so for such unfeeling people.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a large store, and this happens fairly often:

A customer’s child will misbehave: running around, grabbing and throwing items, knocking items from shelves. The customer will then point to me and tell the child that they need to stop, because “the employee will get mad at you!”

Instead of teaching the child to respect items and other shoppers at all times, the message is that a child should just be careful not to get caught. The parent also expects me to be the one who scolds the child and teaches a lesson, instead of them. What should I do or say in this situation?

GENTLE READER: “Oh I won’t get mad at you, but I’m afraid your mommy might be sad if she has to pay for broken merchandise or hospital bills.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)