DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a stay-at-home mother, and I also care for my aging mom. I consider it a great blessing to be able to do this.

Why is it anyone else’s business, other than my husband’s, about when I sleep or don’t sleep?

I am awake at 6 a.m. to get breakfast ready for my husband and daughter. I get them off to work/school, then I walk down the street to check on my mom. Then, sometimes, I go back to sleep till late morning.

I am very organized, so my day runs smoothly. Chores, housework and dinner are always done. Yet when I turn my phone on silent to nap, between 8-11 a.m., I will miss calls from different family and friends. These are always met later with, “Wow, I can’t believe you slept so late! Why do you sleep so much?”

Why is it their business when I sleep? How do I respond to this without being rude, or going into detail that everything is getting done -- I just choose to nap?

GENTLE READER: For some years now, young people have been using their telephones for just about every activity in their lives except one: the one for which this handy instrument is named. They don’t use it to talk, in real time, to real people.

Miss Manners may not be quite used to this, but she understands it. As she has long noted, the telephone is inherently rude. It demands that you stop whatever you are doing and respond instantly to its demands. And robocalling is rampant, despite government attempts to stop it, which makes the telephone even more of a nuisance.

But your callers are used to being able to reach people by telephone, and their comments sound less like worry about your well-being than peevishness at your temporary unavailability. You must wean them from that expectation by announcing that you often don’t answer the telephone -- do not specify the time, as this should apply to any uninterrupted time you may want -- but that they can reach you by text or voice message. Explain that you will eventually get back to them, by calling if they prefer, or by texting.

Of course, they will declare this to be dangerous in case of emergency. People always do, as if we all lived on red alert, expecting catastrophe. But if you will also turn off your telephone when you are with your children, your husband or your mother, and when you are cooking, eating or driving, they will eventually get used to it.

Should they continue to ask what you are doing with your unplugged time, Miss Manners suggests, “I was in the hammock, eating chocolates and reading a racy French novel, and I couldn’t tear myself away.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are the rules of etiquette the same for invited houseguests vs. self-invited houseguests?

GENTLE READER: The only difference is that you needn’t let self-invited guests cross your threshold. However, once you have let them in, Miss Manners will not allow you to classify first- and second-class guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m usually adept and at ease when entertaining or being entertained, but for some time I’ve noticed a perplexing problem when dining at friends’ homes.

I’m often offered whipped cream, butter, a Coke, etc., only to be served fake “whipped cream” and “butter” right out of a plastic tub! (The containers are the least of it.) The “Coke” has occasionally been a no-calorie, store-brand carbonated beverage that in no way could be mistaken for a “Coke.”

The worst was when a friend suddenly went on a low-sodium diet and didn’t salt ANY of the dishes she cooked for a dinner party. The entire table was surreptitiously looking around, trying to see if anyone else noticed the food had no taste at all. When someone timidly asked for salt, a shaker was produced that contained a bitter salt substitute. Ugh.

My friends are educated, reasonable people. Shouldn’t they be honest about what they are actually offering? Doesn’t a hostess have a responsibility to have on hand things that people actually like, even if she doesn’t?

And what is the correct thing to do when the misnamed item is in front of you and you know it will ruin whatever you’re about to eat? (I’m not a food snob, but let’s call a spade a spade. A tub of “yellow something” isn’t butter!)

GENTLE READER: How was the company? Or did you not look up from your disappointing plate?

These are your friends, not your chefs. If they were selling that food, you would be justified in criticizing the ingredients. But they invited you into their homes at a time when few people entertain, partly because of the problem of dealing with food fussing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had lunch with an old college friend. We are not super close, but always find time to meet up if we happen to be in the same neck of the woods.

After lunch (we each paid), we took a stroll through a shopping center. When we came across a store selling Easter gifts -- candy, baskets, soft toys, etc. -- he decided to pick up some gifts for his mother, grandmother, sister, ex-girlfriend and his secretary.

I kind of felt left out. I do not think he should have purchased me an extravagant gift like the one he bought for his mother, but I do think it would have been polite of him to have purchased a token gift for me. Was I wrong to feel this way?

GENTLE READER: Why accompanying someone who is shopping should entitle you to part of the take, Miss Manners fails to understand. She is unfamiliar with the notion that having lunch with a not-super-close friend -- or even a close one -- is a promotion to family, worthy of commemoration. But if it is, you were in the same stores. Did it occur to you to buy him a present?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone asks you to dance, is it impolite to say no?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it is not rude to say “I’m sitting this one out” or “I promised this dance to someone, and he should be here momentarily.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My closest friend, who is 23 years my senior and does not have children of her own, has shared with me on my recent birthday that she and her second husband have included me in their will. I’ve been told that I will be receiving one-fourth of their estate -- an equal share to her husband’s three children.

Firstly, I have discovered with this announcement that the thought of losing my best friend is utterly heartbreaking. Wrapping my creative mind around her not being in my life has been a journey in itself.

I have already begun a small grieving process, as well as shoring my strength for speaking at her funeral. Preparation, I know, is healthy, builds character, and will allow me to discuss different aspects of her passing while she is still vibrant.

The announcement has now had almost four weeks to settle in, and I feel I must write a letter of thanks or acknowledgment. But I do not want to insult her generosity. I feel I cannot discuss this with anyone close, for the knowledge of wealth transference seems to bring out the worst in people. I’m looking for honest advisement on how to proceed.

GENTLE READER: Is your friend’s death imminent? Or is she merely steeling you for the inevitable?

It seems to Miss Manners that you have indicated the latter -- and that you need not work yourself up quite so intensely, quite so soon. With any luck, it will be a long journey -- and yours is a difficult momentum to keep up.

However, since you are so moved, you may certainly write a letter telling your friend how much she means to you, and that while you do not like to think about losing her, her announcement has touched you deeply.

And then let it go. Surely, neither you nor your friend want to spend the duration of your relationship fretting about its demise.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker from another country visited our location in the U.S. for several weeks. When he first came here, his command of English was somewhat limited. His English improved significantly during his stay.

On his last day, when he came by my office to say goodbye, I found myself tempted to mention how much his English usage had improved. I bit my tongue, since I’d heard that it’s not proper to make personal observations of this type, even though it’s complimentary, since it could be taken the wrong way. Was this the right thing to do, or would it have been OK to say something?

GENTLE READER: Personal comments, even complimentary ones, on someone’s body or hygienic habits are not proper in the workplace.

But observations and compliments on personal achievements are -- especially, Miss Manners cautions, when they directly relate to the job being done. Just be sure that they are not prefaced by pointing out how terrible the person was at that skill in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)