DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I respond to co-workers who wear earbuds?

I start talking to them without realizing they have these gadgets plugged into their ears. They miss half of what I am saying, and then I have to repeat myself. I find this very frustrating.

GENTLE READER: These co-workers should convey a signal (pointing to their ears, half-embarrassed, half-apologetic) so that unsuspecting conversationalists are forewarned.

In lieu of that, Miss Manners suggests that you make up your own system of sign language as you approach them (one arm outstretched in questioning mode, one finger pointing to your mouth) so that you are not continually forced to repeat yourself. It would also not be remiss for you to start going to someone else with any important issues, so as to discourage any non-work-related earbud activity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a freelance singer/stage director and music activist. I also do some voice coaching. People will introduce me as “a voice teacher,” or even worse, as “a music teacher.” How can I avoid these embarrassing situations without seeming ungracious? Should I just tell them in advance what to say? Seems kind of egotistical!

GENTLE READER: Your accurate title is quite a mouthful -- and Miss Manners confesses that she is not entirely sure of its meaning. Others, no doubt, feel similarly. That you find the title of “music/vocal teacher” to be embarrassing is ungracious, but not for the reasons you state. Miss Manners suggest that you come up with a succinct way of describing your professions that satisfies you. But she permits you no more than three words to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. In addition to his life-threatening situation, we are dealing with an etiquette dilemma.

A woman from our church keeps bringing us casseroles, which are always very large and very terrible. None of us can eat them, so we end up throwing them out.

The problem is, this lady thinks of herself as a good cook and always asks how we liked her casseroles.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and have told her how nice she is to bring them (true). I have finally settled on saying, “There’s nothing like a good home-cooked meal.”

But what I really want is for her to stop bringing them. This is not a close friend, just a casual acquaintance, and I don’t know why she has made our family the focus of her charitable contributions. But she is adding stress to our already stressful situation. Is there any nice way to discourage her?

GENTLE READER: “You are so thoughtful to cook for us, but Herbert has such a limited appetite. Since it is only the two of us, I’m afraid we are still eating the previous casseroles you so kindly made for us.” While Miss Manners fears that this may not discourage the woman completely, with any luck, it will at least temporarily delay her production.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As people are now telecommuting to work, as I do, how does one avoid unwanted people at one’s door?

In my job, I have to use extreme concentration and I feel that I should not be interrupted in the privacy of my own home. I had a custom sign made and posted on my door that says, “By Appointment Only; Absolutely No Soliciting.” That was the most polite thing I could come up with.

However, I find that people still ring my doorbell asking things like, “Would you like to sell your car?” (If I did, there would have been a “For Sale” sign on it.)

In my job, I can lose many thousands of dollars if an important call is interrupted by the door, so I get quite stressed. “No trespassing” signs don’t help, either. I can’t ignore the doorbell for wondering if it’s an emergency. I would enclose the entire yard with a locked fence, except I have to have deliveries made, and I could not carry them up my steps. How would you handle this?

GENTLE READER: By first taking a deep breath.

As a longtime telecommuter (so long that the term did not exist when she began), Miss Manners is sympathetic to your problem. But if you commonly have emergencies that show up at your doorstep, she wonders what you did before you worked at home.

Now, at least, you can smell or hear when the house catches fire, something that was probably not possible in the office. A workspace out of visual sight of the front door, and a quiet doorbell, should solve your problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An organization that I am part of raises funds for scholarships and awards for students in the local school district. In 32 years, we have given over $500,000 to students.

About six years ago, I noticed that the organization no longer received a thank-you in any form -- written, emailed or text -- for the scholarships or awards from any student. Many members of my committee tell me that thanking anyone for a gift is no longer something students do. I have said that a thank-you for a gift is still the proper way to go.

I am seriously wondering if it would be proper to remind the students that thanking people for their gifts is still in vogue. Or would that be considered tacky in today’s society?

GENTLE READER: Expecting thanks for a favor bestowed is never unreasonable, or subject to fashion, whether or not it is commonly given.

The questions, then, Miss Manners thinks, are: 1. To whom thanks should be addressed, and 2. How to change students’ behavior without being rude.

One thanks a person, which in a corporate setting would generally mean the boss. But charities have donors, to whom the students can be asked to write. By giving the students a specific donor to thank, you will benefit the institution (whose donors will be pleased), improve the recipients’ manners -- and avoid the ban against demanding your own thanks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I started a new job, and they want me to fill out an emergency contact form. But I am in a nuclear family with a bunch of people who can’t even help themselves. My friends have their own problems.

I always chuckle when I have to fill out this sort of form, because I’m usually the one who helps everyone else. Who on earth am I supposed to pick for an emergency contact for me?!

GENTLE READER: Not being able to serve as your emergency contact herself -- and not knowing your friends or relatives -- Miss Manners cannot solve your immediate problem.

But she does have thoughts about the larger question of how such requests -- which are now made not just by preschools and employers, but also by social clubs, alarm system companies, gyms and even the occasional website -- are to be treated.

She appreciates the implication that, in an emergency, the form-holder has either the desire or the ability to contact someone on your behalf. She hopes that reflects the reality more than had the box been labeled “next of kin.”

With some exceptions, most such requests require only someone who, if unable to handle the emergency, will take responsibility for finding someone who will. A more stringent standard should be applied to such requests from medical practitioners, whose definition of an emergency may require someone in whose judgment you have greater trust.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a left-handed student, and wanted to ask about seating arrangements. Perhaps you can answer this for people in college.

In a seminar class, we use the small desks with tops that attach to the right side of the chair. There are usually a few “left-handed” desks with the writing surface on the opposite side.

However, in my last class, I realized I’d taken the only such desk because I’d arrived early. Is it proper for me to stay in that seat, or offer to alternate seats with the other left-handed students on different class days? It’s difficult to take notes when the writing surface is on the “wrong” side.

Alternately, since there are no people with disabilities in the class, would it be wrong for one of us to take the classroom’s one table designated for that use and use it until (and if) the classroom gets more left-handed desks?

GENTLE READER: That you have not pleaded your left-handedness as a medical condition -- or worse, a disability -- pleases Miss Manners. Your failure to do so does not diminish the reasonableness of asking the school for some accommodation on the grounds of being a recurring customer.

But it avoids the moral indignation that too often accompanies the realization that you will have to speak with the professor to work out a solution. Any and all of your suggestions should be discussed and implemented, even if Miss Manners is perplexed to hear of a student taking notes by hand instead of on a laptop.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)