DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a single professional woman in my early 30s, in an industry where networks and relationships are extremely important. How should I respond when male professional contacts express an interest in meeting up, and I can’t tell if they mean professionally or as a date?

Although sometimes it’s clear (drinks after work, on the weekend, etc.), sometimes it’s for coffee or breakfast during the week, which could be either.

I have no problem firmly and clearly turning men down if they are aggressive or inappropriate, but sometimes they are nice people I respect, and would like to continue being friendly with -- but not more than that.

How can I ascertain what their intentions are? And what is a kind and polite way to turn somebody down if I suspect that they are interested in a date? Usually it’s a general invitation for coffee, and they ask me when is convenient for my schedule, not a specific date that I can be unavailable for. I don’t want to risk saying I’m not interested in dating, when they could mean just a meeting!

GENTLE READER: There is so much pseudo-socializing in the workplace that Miss Manners worries that people don’t seem to know how to be pleasant in a businesslike way.

A polite response, when a colleague suggests meeting, is, “What would you like to discuss?” And if the gentleman looks blank, you can add, “I like to be prepared.”

But if he says, “I’d just like to get to know you better,” you know it is not really about business. And you can say cheerfully, “I don’t really stay around here socializing, but you can always stop by my desk.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be my best friend’s maid of honor. She and her fiance are in their early 30s. This will be his third marriage, and he also has four kids from the two previous wives.

They have both served in the Marines, but neither fulfilled their terms and they were discharged for various reasons. Now, they do not work and are currently living with her parents.

My friend is now pregnant (her first) and has asked me to throw both her baby and bridal showers. All of her other friends have told her no. I love her dearly.

I am a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur and the CEO of my husband’s business. I am very busy. I am perplexed on how to go about these showers, since I don’t believe in showers for the third marriage and fifth child.

GENTLE READER: Then why are you hesitating? Nobody else did. And considering that she had to ask for such events, which are normally initiated by friends, you might have trouble scaring up guests.

Miss Manners will take your word for it that you love this person dearly, despite your dismal report about her life. But that does not require you to undertake festivities for which you are too busy and of which you disapprove. Being busy is the only explanation you need mention.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you recommend to start emails for business, and for personal messages? And how to sign off?

I often see “Hi” as the start and “Thank you” as the ending, and sometimes that just doesn’t feel right.

GENTLE READER: Emails cover a wide range of formality. Therefore the recipients and subject matter must always be considered when using salutations -- and they may even be excluded altogether, once you are deep into the exchange.

“Hi,” although becoming commonplace, still strikes Miss Manners as being cheeky, or at least too breezy for business correspondence. And “thank you” is premature when accompanying a request.

Treat formal emails as you would letters -- using “Dear” and “Yours truly” for business, and more affectionate terms for your personal affairs. Miss Manners will leave those to your own discretion, depending on the degree of intimacy -- and the relative privacy of your internet connection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When eating a pastry (doughnut, muffin, cupcake) in public, should you eat it with a knife and fork?

GENTLE READER: These are classified as finger food, so you will be considered amusing to do so. However, Miss Manners notes that you will also avoid getting cream on your nose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two of my former next-door neighbors (elderly father and 50-something daughter) have passed away. It was very tragic, and I expressed my condolences online soon after I heard the news. But I also wanted to send a card, and now it’s been a couple of months.

I am visiting in their family’s town, right next door to them. Would it be inappropriate to send the card at this time? I really regret not having sent it sooner, and I really would like to express how I feel. I think it may also be an opportunity to pay a welcome visit.

GENTLE READER: It is never too late to express sympathy for a death. Its subject is unfortunately not going anywhere.

However, since some time has now passed, a full letter, something more substantial than just a card, would be kind. Especially if your intention is also to visit the mourners past the reasonable time for a condolence call.

Do so, saying that you would like to pay a call on them when it is convenient. Miss Manners cautions you, however, against using the letter as an announcement that that visit is a foregone conclusion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I dine out often, and never cease to be amazed when restaurant servers feel compelled to comment on how much of our meal we’ve eaten.

We’ve heard comments like “You really killed that,” “You must have hated that,” and “Wow, you must have really been hungry.”

These type of comments have ruined more than a few otherwise pleasant meals. I would think that restaurant management would stress the need for appropriate communications with customers. What is the proper response to such boorish and unprofessional comments?

GENTLE READER: “How kind of you, with the work you have to do, to take the time to watch how I eat.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker called me out because I do not respond to her “good morning” greeting by saying “good morning” as well, although I do acknowledge her greeting. I was more than a little upset with her stance that I was responding inappropriately, because she takes the attitude that she is always right about such things.

However, this same pillar of politeness speaks with her mouth full of food -- often. It’s frankly annoying and disgusting. And neither of us is a youngster; we are both well over 50 and should know better.

How can I (politely) point out her lack of manners? I’m a little uncomfortable stating, “Imogene, please stop talking with your mouth full.”

GENTLE READER: Interesting that while you objected to this co-worker correcting your manners, you are enlisting Miss Manners to help you to do the same. She is more than happy to do so, she just wants some acknowledgment of the duplicity.

“I am so sorry that I caught you while you were eating. I will come back at a more convenient time” is a polite way to ask her to finish her food before talking.

Not for nothing, “good morning” can reasonably be expected to be responded to in kind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for a bride to dictate her bridesmaids’ shoe color (e.g. requiring all bridesmaids wear silver shoes)? I’ve read wedding etiquette articles that suggest bridesmaids are responsible for buying their own attire of the bride’s choosing, but I’m not sure whether or not this includes footwear.

GENTLE READER: It should not, but seeing as brides also like to dictate hairstyles, makeup and the visibility of any tattoos or piercings, Miss Manners is sure that they feel entitled to mandate this expensive detail, as well. She suggests that you rally your fellow bridesmaids to offer the bride a choice from the range of shoe colors that are already in your closets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a situation where I live out of the country part of the time. It is pretty homogeneous here in this other country, and I do not look like them. It is pretty obvious that I am a foreigner because of my race, height, language, etc.

When I am walking, people will just stop and stare, take photos, videos, point, try to touch me, reach for my hair, you name it. I try to ignore it or turn away from the photos. Is there another way to address this without using words? There is a language barrier, also.

GENTLE READER: Short of wearing a hat with a low brim and sunglasses (which will probably attract even more attention, as onlookers will assume you are a celebrity), your only choice seems to be to use words. Miss Manners advises you to learn how to say “no, thank you” in the appropriate foreign language. If you are living in another country part-time, surely these words will not go to waste.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)