DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a small community, where I am actively involved with a political party that is by far the minority. I consider myself reasonably well-versed in politics, and I am happy to have a civil conversation about it if a person seems genuinely interested in an open exchange of ideas.

But of course, most people are far more interested in telling me why their view is right than in actually participating in a productive discussion. I generally avoid political conversations in social situations such as church and family gatherings, and as a result, many people know me for years before learning my political affiliation.

How should I react when people learn of that affiliation, and immediately express scorn or begin trying to explain to me why I am wrong before even bothering to learn my personal views? I refuse to be drawn into hotheaded political arguments, because they seem like the surest way to end a genial relationship. But by leaving these attacks unanswered, I’m afraid some of my acquaintances are beginning to view me as dim-witted.

GENTLE READER: As that appears to be the result regardless, it seems to Miss Manners that not engaging involves far less effort and preserves more friendships. So does changing the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Online fundraising has gone viral, and I am at my wits’ end. Friends importune me for money to go on trips, to go back to school, to get married, to create babies (no joke), and even to replace stolen personal equipment that people once insured against loss.

I have occasionally participated, usually either when I knew the people personally or when it was a terrible tragedy, well-documented in the media.

I’m at the point now that I try to ignore new fundraising projects, since any critique of such begging, however gently phrased, is interpreted as “insulting” to those who are presumed to be in such dire need (although the truly desperate circumstances are curiously rare).

Miss Manners, could you please wade into the fray and remind these people that it was once considered shameful to accept charity that was freely offered, even during desperate times such as the Great Depression? The idea of able-bodied people begging for handouts would have appalled our great-grandparents.

GENTLE READER: It would have indeed. The modern solution of “coping” with “negative emotions” -- Miss Manners is thinking specifically of shame and guilt -- by banishing them is foolish. They exist for a reason, namely, to discourage recidivism.

Proper shame at improper behavior, which certainly includes the solvent importuning their friends and neighbors for cash, has value. On a more practical note, people who have suppressed their own ability to feel shame should not be surprised if they find their intended victims impervious to guilt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece invited me over to dinner, and she made fried chicken, along with some side dishes. The chicken wasn’t too good.

Should I share with her that her entree wasn’t good so she will know this? Or should I just be quiet and be appreciative that at least she tried?

GENTLE READER: No; try being grateful for your niece’s effort. And for the side dishes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When it comes to parties, networking events and other “mingling” situations, are there etiquette rules for how to divide your attention among fellow guests?

Admittedly, I’m not the most patient person in the world, but I find it highly annoying when I have something specific to ask someone and am left standing by, while they chat on and on with someone else for 10 minutes or more.

Is there a polite way to break in under such circumstances, especially if what you have to say can be dealt with in a couple of seconds? And is there a polite way to wait your turn, other than staring into space, fuming silently?

And for those on the “deep in conversation” end, what would be a reasonable length of time to keep the “next person” waiting before acknowledging them with more than a quick “just a minute”?

GENTLE READER: The length (and depth) of conversations -- and the wait time to be included in one -- are in direct proportion to the speed with which one can make a polite getaway.

Thus the conversations you describe -- both the one keeping you waiting and the one you wish to initiate -- are out of place in an event designed to encourage quick mingling. The most in-depth conversations go with events that require luggage.

At a seated dinner, half the meal can be spent speaking to the person on your right before switching to the person on your left, so conversation is expected to be lengthier than at a cocktail party, where the idea is to make multiple contacts that may be followed up later.

In either situation, a desire to join the conversation is signaled by an attentive expression, followed up with more active participation in the subject matter. The current speaker acknowledges the new person, and then draws the newcomer into the conversation at the earliest opportunity.

This would be necessary at dinner, when those on either side of you have disobeyed the right-left order, and you would otherwise be left staring at your salmon.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter has booked a venue, purchased a dress and chosen attendants for her upcoming wedding. The bridesmaids have also purchased their dresses and threw an early bachelorette party in another state.

The couple has now decided to get legally married soon (for insurance reasons, etc.), and are considering canceling the formal gala. There will be obvious financial hits, but the big question is: What is proper etiquette for the bridesmaids who have bought dresses and organized a weekend celebration? The bride has already purchased lovely bridesmaid gifts. Should she plan a dinner and present the gifts? We are struggling with what is fair and just.

GENTLE READER: Uninviting one guest would be unmannerly. Miss Manners is therefore unable to contemplate the details of uninviting an entire wedding party.

She understands, or perhaps merely hopes, that the invitation in question is not the engraved one to attendees, but rather the implicit invitation that occurred when the attendants were asked -- and agreed -- to participate. Separating the legal and formal wedding is common, and should not be used to justify the contemplated rudeness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A visit to a family-style restaurant found me next to a table with three males, all wearing designer baseball caps indoors. Their actions showed they felt they could do whatever they wanted, even early Saturday morning.

The mother ordered soda pop while trying to convince an infant their only choice in the matter was juice or water.

Letting others know how I feel about something like this gets me labeled a hater with rude remarks about “wait till you have children!” Such behaviors impact other aspects of society now and later.

GENTLE READER: You know what else is ruining society? Freelance critics who go about examining the behavior of people who are minding their own business, and delivering unrequested criticism. If Miss Manners did that -- and she never criticizes unless appealed to, as you have done -- she would rate your behavior below theirs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We would like to put something on the invitation for my daughter’s wedding that alcohol will be served, but that we want our guests to be smart and not drink and drive. What would be the best way to word this?

GENTLE READER: Probably “There’ll be free liquor, but don’t get drunk.” Miss Manners asks you to refrain from any such pre-emptive scolding.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband’s extended family pulled away from me once we announced we were divorcing. (I left my ex due to his negative treatment of me over several years.) Previously, I had a good relationship with all of them. I was hurt by their silence, but of course am working to move forward.

I ran into one member recently, who chirped, “We should have lunch!” I was taken aback, and just smiled and said, “Sounds good!” but I knew that no real invitation would ever be forthcoming.

It actually did not “sound good” to me and I hated saying that, but didn’t know how else to reply.

Can you help me formulate a reply that wouldn’t make me look like an idiot? I have no desire to participate in such a fake exchange, but do not want to be rude.

GENTLE READER: A “fake exchange” is better than a frank one, with someone from whom you are estranged. In this case, that might be more like, “I don’t want you to believe that I am shunning you, but I’d just as soon not resume being chummy.”

Or, Miss Manners supposes, it might be, “I wouldn’t mind getting back together, but on the spot, I can’t quite think when. And I may or may not remember to follow this up.”

Even under more pleasant circumstances, “Let’s have lunch” is rarely meant to be taken literally. If it were, a date would be named. So the equally vague response that you made is suitable. And even if you meant, “Too late -- you dropped me, and now I want nothing to do with any of you,” it should not be said.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)