DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently have guests over for cocktails, and usually serve the drinks with an appetizer or two. I always give my guests cloth cocktail napkins to use.

What I have been finding is that many of the younger guests dispose of their napkins in the garbage, rather than leaving them on their plates. (I don’t have the same issue of losing my dinner napkins; guests seem to understand those can be laundered and used again.)

I’m at a loss about what to do, since I don’t always catch the napkins going into the trash. Some of these napkins are quite expensive and are of a vintage where replacements are no longer available.

It seems to me it would be rude to announce to my guests that cloth napkins need not go in the garbage. That seems quite obvious to me. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this matter?

GENTLE READER: Hide the garbage can. At least until after the cocktail hour. That way, at least your guests will have to go through you before unwittingly throwing away your linens.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child is the product of infertility treatments that involved donors. My husband and I are not ashamed of this, and have no problem acknowledging our child’s origin with those who need to know or those whom we choose to trust with the information.

Despite a careful selection process, my child was born with a stunning eye/hair color combination that would have been statistically difficult, if not impossible, for us to produce naturally. Acquaintances, and sometimes strangers, often remark upon the brilliance of my child’s features, followed immediately with a comment to the effect of, “How ever did you two produce a child who looks like THAT?”

If they have the gall to wait for a response past my look of incredulity, I often say, “Yes, well, sometimes those recessive genes win the evolutionary battle.”

This then frequently gives rise to further questions about my child’s heritage, demands to know which ancestors displayed the recessive traits, and half-remembered high school biology lectures.

Can you help me find a way to shut down this conversation politely? Miss Manners would not consider kindly the responses that have thus far occurred to me.

GENTLE READER: What these comments are suggesting is an insult to your own genes. Miss Manners permits you to address it politely as such, saying, “Aren’t we lucky to have produced a child that surpasses her parents’ raw materials?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to say thank you for receiving cash after the loss of a loved one?

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners, but she finds herself confounded by the question. Is the cash a form of condolence? Help for funereal costs? A gift to help ease your financial burden in general?

If accepted, it should be treated as any present would be, with a letter of thanks. But while it is no doubt kindly meant, this transfer of cash seems an odd practice. And one that certainly should never be solicited.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are liberals and quite accepting of others’ views. My father-in-law is extremely conservative, to the point of listening to far-right programming exclusively.

My son adores his grandpa and loves to spend time at his house, which is a stone’s throw away from ours. In the course of his visits, my father-in-law has expressed to my son his views about particular politicians he thinks are ”ruining” our country, and about gay marriage, gays in the military and abortion.

I cannot abide this, and I want it to stop. I have expressed this to my wife, who has passed this on to him. He was upset, but said he would accept it and stop talking politics to my son.

Now I have the feeling he does not like me or my beliefs. We have had a fairly good relationship for the last 20 years, but now it feels strained.

Should I leave things be or approach him and discuss this problem? I almost think it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That he disliked your beliefs before you spoke up, and that you are not “quite accepting” of his. Miss Manners is afraid that you are far from the only family struggling to maintain harmony despite divisive politics.

You cannot make amends by repeating your objections. But you can make a point of saying how much your son enjoys time with his grandfather, and that he is just too young to understand political issues and the different ways people approach them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Yesterday on my commuter train home, a woman sat next to me who reeked of cigarettes. She has sat next to me twice before, and it was extremely unpleasant. This time I rose, murmured “I’m going over there -- it’s the cigarettes,” and sat on one of the jump seats. It was a less comfortable seat, but at least I wasn’t bathed in cigarette fumes.

I fear I have given offense, but I was in a quandary. I could not deny her a seat, because the train was crowded. I did not want to move without explanation, which seemed more offensive. How should I have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Relocating suddenly without a word or telling someone she smells bad -- even in a subdued voice -- are equally bad. But your desire to be considerate, and the lack of any righteous indignation directed at your smelly seatmate, gives Miss Manners confidence that you will be able to execute her third alternative: Get up and, with a distracted air, head towards the exit. Then look out the window, as if just realizing that you are nowhere near your stop, and sit down in the nearest open seat. If this will tax either your patience or your acting ability, continue on to the next car.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I attended a housewarming party at a friend’s new condo, we weren’t surprised when we were asked to remove our shoes at the door. But we were surprised when told that we could not open the bottle of red wine that we had brought to share with others.

When asked why, the host replied that new carpet had just been installed. We were even more surprised to find a sign in the restroom telling male guests to sit, not stand, when using the facilities. Would you have been surprised?

GENTLE READER: Little surprises Miss Manners these days.

Dispensing etiquette lessons to your friends is rude -- and doubly so if the infraction has not yet occurred.

It sounds as if your friend has patronized one too many theaters or restaurants, most of which now routinely post etiquette injunctions such as, “Silence your cellphones during the show” or “Throw discarded paper towels in the trash can.” They do this in the vain hope that the patrons will refrain from antagonizing one another, at least on the premises.

Your friend has no such justification, and you are right to be surprised -- unpleasantly so -- at being admonished not to soil the carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a professional job interview at a restaurant, where I was told “we could have an informal interview while we grab a bite to eat.” Thinking that eating a meal might be part of the interview process, I agreed.

At the restaurant, I ordered a small salad and an iced tea. The man interviewing me asked all the expected interview questions, and I felt I managed them all -- as well as all etiquette requirements.

At the end of the meal, the interviewer figured my portion of the bill, plus tax and tip, and asked for it in cash. I was flummoxed, and soon realized the “interview” was just a ploy to get reimbursed for his “business expense.”

I never heard from the interviewer again, even when I called to inquire about the job. I did pay my share of the bill, but had to dig into my rent money to do so. What should I have done? What can I do to avoid this in the future?

GENTLE READER: That you evidently have nothing more to expect from the interviewer is disappointing, but it makes it easier to address your specific complaint.

Write to the interviewer’s boss, reviewing the facts of your application and your interest in the company. Your stated purpose in writing will be to learn if the position is still available, since you assume, from the lack of follow-up, that the interviewer is either no longer on the search or no longer employed by the company.

You may then say that you were surprised that the interviewer asked you to pay for an interview lunch, but assume that is not regular company policy. In future, it should be straightforward to avoid scheduling interviews at meal times.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)