DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes when ordering at a restaurant, my wife will say, “I guess, maybe, I’ll just have the crab cakes.” It is like she is apologizing for ordering!

I have also advised her not to bring in homemade baked goods to the office, but rather only obviously store-bought cookies and such. I am of the opinion people will think of her less professionally (which is a shame, but also a reality) if she brings in baked goods.

Besides, I am the full-time dishwasher in our house and I don’t like washing dishes for baked goods somebody else gets to eat. My wife tells me that she is just being polite, but I don’t think it is appropriate. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you are attaching an awful lot of meaning to a cookie.

If your wife has become known primarily for providing treats around the office, it is possible that it is not doing her career any favors. But Miss Manners fails to see a significant difference in homemade goods versus store-bought ones in this scenario -- except in your rather odd resentment in cleaning up after them. (Do you never do the dishes after receiving guests? Can you not procure a doughnut at home before your wife takes them away?)

As long as it has not become a chore or expected, and your wife enjoys doing it, why should she not continue?

As for her apologizing for her food order, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with how she phrases her request. If anything, it is the crab cakes that are being maligned here, hardly your wife for asking for them.

While Miss Manners is in agreement that women should not have to succumb to so-called “traditional” roles or engage in unnecessarily apologetic behavior, she fears that your efforts to support your wife by fixating on her every move might be becoming part of the problem, no matter how well-intended. If you would truly like to help her out, Miss Manners suggests that you learn how to bake.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 10-year-old son and his friend were walking and the other child’s headphones were hanging out of his pocket. My son didn’t see them and accidentally stepped on and broke them.

Who is responsible for replacing them? This was at another child’s birthday party, and no one else witnessed it. I feel like the responsibility lies with both boys, as my child wouldn’t have stepped on them had they been properly put away or left at home for the party. Am I wrong in only offering to cover half?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Not only because compensating the loss is the gracious thing to do, but also because your reasoning is faulty. A deer might be in the way of your car, but it is still considered your fault for hitting it.

Is it really worth fighting this? Doing so, Miss Manners fears, will likely cost much more in the way of friendship for your son than the price of headphones.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a “sprinkle” party for the mother of a bride. I thought sprinkle parties were for women having their second or more babies, but this group is asking for a donation to pamper this woman.

I am a little turned off with the whole idea. Am I rude for not going or contributing? The woman is a friend of mine. I have gone to a shower for her daughter, with a gift, and plan on giving another gift for the wedding. A party to pamper the mother of the bride just seems crazy to me. Not in my budget.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners understands that the reason for inventing the “sprinkle party” may have been to de-emphasize gift-giving, rather than emphasize it, it all sounds to her like another way to soak the family and friends.

It is also an excellent example of why she objects to amateurs inventing their own etiquette. As with any invitation, you may attend or not as you wish -- and as with any invitation, you may not cite Miss Manners’ objection to the party itself as the reason for refusing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend of mine recently became roommates with another woman, Cheryl. I’ve already met Cheryl a few times and expect to cross paths with her on a regular basis. She seems like a person I might enjoy.

A year ago, I dated a man who had lived with Cheryl as roommates in a situation that apparently ended badly on both sides. He and his circle of friends frequently vilified her as “evil” and “impossible.” Things have ended with that man and events have made it clear that we are in agreement on very few things, including, apparently, what constitutes evil behavior.

Assuming I do encounter Cheryl as frequently as I expect to, should I mention the connection? I’m worried about a situation where we become friends and she finds out later that I’ve known about this unflattering portrayal of her long before we met. (All she would have to do to find out is realize that I knew that man and his friends; apparently the rupture was pretty public.)

On the other hand, how can I bring that up without causing her unnecessary pain? “My, you’re much less evil than Murray let on”?

GENTLE READER: Surely you can acknowledge the connection to your former beau without repeating his slander. If Cheryl pursues the subject at all, it seems more likely that she will take the occasion to express her own feelings about him than to inquire too closely about what he said about her.

In either case, your situation is vastly simplified in that you owe no loyalty to Murray. If she does ask what was said about her, you can answer that whatever it was you knew better than to give it any weight. Miss Manners cautions against too enthusiastic an expression of dislike. While it may superficially further your new friendship, it is more polite -- and better revenge -- to discard his example, rather than emulate it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At family reunions, my sister-in-law waits until everyone has been fed, the cleanup is done, and there are only a couple of us left in the kitchen, talking. She then proceeds to take a spoonful out of every dessert left.

When I learned that she does this, I stopped eating any more desserts since I don’t want to eat after her. I KNOW if I say anything, they’ll make it seem that I’m being petty. How can I suggest this is awful, without them putting it back on me?

GENTLE READER: The answer depends on the ownership of the kitchen. In your sister-in-law’s kitchen, it will be best to bite your tongue and leave the desserts to fend for themselves. In your own kitchen, Miss Manners counsels you to express enthusiasm that she enjoyed the desert, as you follow after her with tin foil, wrapping each one up and handing it to her to finish at her leisure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to handle this situation? Someone who has been invited to a small party approaches the host in public, when he or she is surrounded by people who have not been invited, and talks about the party. I am wondering about the answer to this both from the host’s perspective and the non-invitees’ perspective. Thanks for any light you can shed on this situation!

GENTLE READER: Although the host has not yet officially assumed his role, it is his responsibility as host-elect to attempt to resolve this awkward situation. A hand placed on the invitee’s arm and a “Could we possibly discuss this later?” -- accompanied by a significant look -- should make the point. The non-guests will have to do their best to pretend not to have heard. Miss Manners realizes this will be difficult if the sudden revelation of a party to which they were not invited is not a pleasant one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)