DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some old friends of mine are fond of giving large parties with an eclectic mix of guests reflecting various occupations: arts, education, business, etc. They have asked me to invite some of my interesting acquaintances to their next one.

I’m glad to do so, since I DO know a number of interesting people whom I think would enjoy meeting others. (Let me add that these occasions do not involve fundraising or sales, but are simply for socializing.) The hosts have told me I may invite as many as I wish; I plan to ask maybe four or five.

But I’m unsure how to extend the invitations to them without it sounding as if I were delivering them up to strangers as “fresh meat.” Since some are couples, I can’t bring them as my date, and since they don’t all know each other, I can’t herd them in a group like a scout troop.

It seems incorrect for me to extend invitations to somebody else’s private party. Should I give my acquaintances’ names to the hosts, who can then add a note to their invitations along the lines of, “Mary suggested we invite you”? Or is there already some protocol for this kind of transaction?

GENTLE READER: While it is generous of your friends to extend an open invitation, it is in everyone’s best interest that they know who is being asked into their home.

What you propose, giving the pertinent names to the host and having them extend the invitation, is charming. Miss Manners is also immensely relieved to hear that these events are purely for socializing and do not have a price tag attached. Invitations to those, under the guise of meeting new people, are not so charming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a gift from a client who has sent other small things before. But this one happens to be very thoughtful: a monogrammed wine chiller bucket. I don’t entertain much, so I don’t know how much real use I will get out of it, but it’s very elegant, nonetheless.

The problem is its monogram: The initials are in the wrong order. My initials are (say) ABC, so a proper monogram should be “aCb.” However, this one is “aBc,” where my middle initial is the capitalized letter.

What to do? Do I broach the subject with the client? I can’t imagine the company let her do it that way, but I am unsure. Do I just use it and keep it turned backwards? Or, if I ever actually use it, just make it part of a nice, amusing story?

GENTLE READER: Call the company. Tell them the situation -- without placing blame -- and see if they are willing to correct it. If not, let it go and turn the bucket around as you suggested.

Miss Manners discourages you, however, from making the story an amusing anecdote. There’s not much story there, and the amusement value is mostly at your client’s expense.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely tell my neighbor that I have already called AAA and don’t need to hand her my car keys and pop the hood? She refuses to take no for an answer.

GENTLE READER: “Thank you, but I don’t want you to get dirty. My car is particularly filthy today.” Say this while holding on tightly to your keys.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an attractive female in my late 60s. I happen to be tall and large-boned. More than once, I have had men of all ages pass me by while making noises such as grunts, groans, clearing their throats or purposely coughing. This really annoys me that someone would do this. What are they saying?

GENTLE READER: Such noises are generally not considered lascivious, but indications that something requires your immediate attention -- something that it would be rude or embarrassing to name explicitly, perhaps a missing button or an abandoned shoe.

That this is happening repeatedly would give Miss Manners herself pause, as the number of possible problems requiring such attention must surely be limited.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a developing controversy in our house regarding what could be classified as good manners toward drop-in guests at the door -- specifically, what to do once the critical mistake to invite them in has been made. (Oh, all right, it’s not always a mistake, I guess. But close.)

One side says thus: You must drop whatever you were doing immediately, including any conversations of any nature, unless there was a critical emergency of some kind at the time. It is rude to your “guests” to do anything other than this.

The other side: You would be within your “rights” -- as distinct from within good manners -- to ask them politely to have a seat while you finish whatever activity or conversation was occupying you when they appeared at your door without calling.

Anything short of that, then, would be good manners, in that it involves not the assertion of a “right” but the intention of civility, even where it would be reasonably justifiable to be a good deal more firm.

One reasonable and actually gracious solution might be, for instance, to say something like this: “So good to see you. Please sit down. If you’ll just wait maybe two minutes until we finish this one point in our conversation so we don’t lose track, we’ll be at a stopping point and can finish it later.”

Or: “If you’ll just wait until I finish vacuuming the rest of this room, please. Should take only a minute or two.”

Or: “I just need to finish washing these four or five plates here, then we’re on to whatever else you’d like.” A small delay, maybe. Nothing close to the imposition that an unannounced guest has placed on the host. So now that I’ve stacked the deck, what’s the official word?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette no more recognizes different classes of guests (those welcomed conditionally, versus wholeheartedly) than it allows for the possibility of a husband not supporting a wife’s invitation (even if he disagrees).

Once you have invited them in, you are stuck. The activities you mention cannot politely take precedence over a guest, although Miss Manners can give you a limited workaround. This must be exercised while the invitation is being given and must take the form of an apology: “I’m so sorry, I was just in the middle of giving Johnny a bath. I would love you to come in, if you can excuse me to go dry him off.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a long-term houseguest whom we love dearly. The problem is his princely attitude.

He never does a lick of work, and believes that our every waking moment should be devoted to his comfort and entertainment. He is constantly asking us for snacks, using our laps as lounging pillows, or insisting that we dangle strings or other bric-a-brac around him for his amusement. He also grooms constantly in front of us and leaves his hair everywhere. In all fairness, his toilet habits are excellent.

We’ve repeatedly pleaded with him to allow us some small measure of private time, but he apparently does not understand a lick of English. What universal etiquette rules or maxims can we cite when trying to reason with this guest?

GENTLE READER: As spoken admonitions are unlikely to be effective, Miss Manners recommends putting a treat in his bowl, placing it in the spare room and closing the door. This, of course, assumes your guest is your cat and not your grandson.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has three siblings, and we tend to buy group gifts for their parents. This works out well, as it means we can purchase large items that my in-laws would not be able to afford on their own.

My issue is with my sister-in-law. She often suggests that rather than buy a gift, we all chip in and buy a gift card for a partial amount of what the intended gift costs. For example, they could use a new grill, but rather than spending $500 on one, she wants us each to chip in and give them one $200 gift card to put towards a grill.

I feel that this isn’t giving them a present, but practically giving them an invoice instead. The issue isn’t that she can’t afford it -- she has almost no expenses herself. The problem is that she is cheap.

In the past, she has contributed less than her fair share and left us to pick up the remaining balance. The most obvious answer would be to exclude her from the group, but that causes a whole new set of problems. How should this be handled? It comes up at every gift-giving occasion throughout the year.

GENTLE READER: One of the reasons Miss Manners objects to cash in lieu of an actual gift is that it shows a lack of interest, on the part of the giver, in what the recipient might like. By specifying the gift, but providing insufficient funds to purchase it, your sister-in-law has both answered the specific objection and increased the rudeness -- an impressive combination.

As excluding only your sister-in-law would no doubt cause ill will, the solution is to revert to everyone’s purchasing individual gifts. While this may preclude the new grill, your in-laws will be grateful for the resulting decrease in family disharmony.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)