DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered rude when you are watching something on TV and your husband joins you, then wants to change the channel -- not to something you both like, but to something he likes?

If the shoe was on the other foot, I would watch whatever he was watching until it was done, and then we would try to find something we both liked. If we couldn’t find anything, we would just talk.

GENTLE READER: It is not rude for your husband to want to change the channel, only to follow through.

As with the law, the rule should be weighted toward first possession. After that, polite negotiation should ensue.

However, if all else fails, consider a second television. As with having separate bathrooms, Miss Manners has found that it can be worth its price in arguments. But she feels compelled to add, for the sake of your marriage, you would do well to also make time for actual conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single lady acquainted with a couple I adore. They introduced me to a single gentleman they’ve known for decades, and I accepted his invitations for several dates before I became concerned about his maturity, and even his mental health.

Though I gently explained that I did not wish to continue our association, he requested reconsideration as a suitor so persistently that I had to block him from communications by phone and social media.

He, my friends and I all frequent a weekly community event. When I was standing in a circle with my friends and others, greatly enjoying the conversation, he approached, greeted each of us, and I responded in kind. Not wishing to share his company, I soon excused myself from the group to “powder my nose.”

Unfortunately, he asked in front of all, “Oh, do I make you uncomfortable?” I laughingly responded that my only discomfort was biological, and left the group.

This uncomfortable situation seems certain to repeat itself. I do not wish to engage in conversation that includes him, nor spend the evening in the powder room. I don’t wish to appear rude to my friends (I did not inform them of his behavior), nor for them to feel badly for the introduction. He seems determined to confront me publicly, and one can only cite biological needs or admiration for the buffet so many times.

GENTLE READER: Your instinct to spare your friends the details of what you find wrong with their friend is commendable. No good can come from forcing them to choose between you.

But if they are truly good friends, they should be able to understand -- and probably have already surmised -- that a romantic relationship has not grown between you and this gentleman. Miss Manners recommends that you tell them privately and without detail that you are afraid it did not work out, but that you do not wish to hurt his feelings any more by having to declare it publicly. Surely they will then find ways to help separate you in public -- or be sympathetic if those tactics are clumsily thwarted by him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to ask someone a second time to do something for you, if they seem to have forgotten?

For example, if I have already asked a waiter for a drink, but she comes and goes a few times without bringing it, how should I ask again? Should I refer delicately to the earlier conversation, as in, “Could I please have that water when you have a moment?” thereby giving her credit for remembering the earlier interaction? Or should I speak as if I am asking for the first time, to avoid drawing attention to the oversight?

My husband finds one of these choices to be conspicuously impolite, while I think they each could be appropriate in certain situations. Does the best approach vary if the exchange is between family members, i.e., between a child and an adult rather than a waiter and a patron?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette assumes good intentions until she has been proven wrong. And even then, she refrains from throwing things.

The second time you ask for water, do not make reference to the initial request. The third time, Miss Manners allows a certain pique to enter your tone as you patiently explain that you have now asked several times without result.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many years ago, when I was a teenage waitress, my boss blamed me for a mix-up with someone’s check. The customer left without paying the full amount, and the manager blew up at me back in the kitchen in front of all the cooks and other waitstaff, calling me stupid and inept. I was speechless with surprise and embarrassment. I could not defend myself, but as she stormed off, I felt angry and frustrated.

Later that evening, the manager discovered evidence that I had done everything properly after all, and that the error was due to someone else’s dishonesty. She called me back into her office and apologized.

While I appreciated her sincere apology, I felt somewhat resentful that even though she insulted me in a very public and embarrassing way, she felt that she could retract her hurtful words in private and everything would be fine.

My desire was to accept her apology (and anyway, it was my only real choice), but I felt it was an injustice. However, I let it pass, and I took the lesson with me in my dealings with others.

Fast-forward these many years. Recent events in the news involve public figures offering serious insults in very public ways. Some people feel as if a private, forced apology takes care of everything. I really believe that if one offers a public insult, the apology should also be public.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but the problem is that people do not wish to make public apologies. It is embarrassing.

This, Miss Manners believes, is an excellent reason not to commit public wrongs that will, as you say, require such apologies. Assuming, of course, that basic manners and common decency are not sufficient reason.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 23-year-old young lady, and I’m wondering what to do in the following situation:

A young man that I met through school or a mutual friend asks me out for coffee. He asks me via email, not face to face. He never calls it a “date,” so I’m unsure whether he’s asking me out on a date.

Even though I think he seems like an all-right guy, I’m not interested in dating him or in having a relationship with him because he’s just not what I’m looking for in a romantic partner.

Should I decline the invitation to coffee, and if so, how do I do so politely? I’m hesitant to decline on the grounds that I’m not interested in dating the young man, when I’m not even sure that the invitation is a date. And I also feel that it would be rude to preface my response to his invitation with the question, “Are you asking me out on a date?”

GENTLE READER: The invitation you describe is for a date.

Miss Manners realizes this will elicit a howl from young men and young women alike, protesting that there are a million other possible explanations. She challenges you to name them.

The good news is that coffee is a trial date, less serious than a meal. Accepting either one does not commit you to a second date -- or anything else. If you do not wish to go, explain firmly that while you appreciate the offer, you cannot accept. Do not offer an excuse, particularly not the one about his not being what you are looking for in a romantic partner.

The same response should be given to any follow-up explanations that you have misunderstood his intent. Note that while you may, possibly, have misunderstood the first offer, any subsequent ones will make clear that you did not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who gave birth to a beautiful little girl six weeks ago. Every Sunday, we watch our husbands play softball, and she has taken to changing her daughter’s diaper on the table in the eating area. She uses a pad under her, but I feel this is very disrespectful; not only is it where people eat, but the restroom offers a changing table.

The last time we had the couple over for dinner, she changed her on our dining room table! The next time she went to change her (this time I knew beforehand, and didn’t just walk in to see it), I mentioned, “You can use Keith’s (my 2-year-old’s) room to change her.”

Her response was “No, that’s OK. I have a changing pad.” And proceeded to once again change her on the table where my kids and I eat.

Understanding that as a first-time mom she is emotional and stressed out, how can I politely express my concerns?

GENTLE READER: By changing your wording. “You can use Keith’s room” sounds optional -- as well as designed for the mother’s comfort, not your own -- which is how it was understood. A friendly, but firm, “Please use Keith’s room; I’d like to bring the food in here,” is clearer.

While this approach is more difficult to use at the ballpark, Miss Manners thinks it likely that even worse things have happened on a public picnic table than a padded diaper change.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)