DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is “What are you doing?” a polite question?

I have had strangers and acquaintances alike ask me this question, and it puts me off-balance every time. One roommate made a habit of it when she found me at my computer, which prompted me to make strained and useless attempts to explain my work to her, somehow feeling I had to justify the use of my time.

I also recall an encounter on a farm I worked on, when a newly arrived intern I had not yet met asked me (without preamble) what I was doing as I removed my bike from a shed. Miss Manners, I almost felt she was accusing me of stealing. (This was a highly unlikely interpretation given the circumstances, and she did not admit to any such thought after hearing my answer.)

Am I overly sensitive, or does Miss Manners perhaps agree that “What are you doing?” (at least phrased so bluntly) is a question properly reserved for those with a particular right or need to know?

GENTLE READER: Your vehement response to an apparently innocuous question raises Miss Manners’ own curiosity about what you are doing. She will, however, refrain from asking, if you promise to assume, going forward, that your questioners’ motives are not sinister or critical.

It is not always a polite question, but it is usually meant as a casual one, and your answer can be equally so: “Oh, I’m on the computer” or “I’m getting out my bicycle.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 30-year-old woman who has been dealing with debilitating skin issues, the one most hindering being a severe sensitivity to scent -- specifically, excessive cologne and perfume, to the point where I will break out in a rash and asthma symptoms. This has led me to leave a job I love, and my apartment.

I avoid the big department stores when out, but occasionally when out in public, if someone is drenched in scent (not just a spritz), I have a bad reaction. I try to just take myself out of the situation. On occasion, those individuals have made rude remarks about my quick exit and take it personally when I about-face.

I am wondering what is a polite way to handle the situation. (I also believed it was not polite to drench oneself in perfume or cologne, even before I had these issues.) Should I explain their own lack of respect for others in general, or just keep walking away and take my licks?

GENTLE READER: Unless you are making faces at the fragrant offenders, Miss Manners wonders that they take a stranger’s departure personally. But as any explanation would require remaining in range, she prefers that your quick exit remain unexplained. You might, however, attempt to disguise it better, perhaps by seeing someone in the distance or looking as if you just realized you left the gas on at home.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was dating a gentleman for a short time. Four dates, and then I decided that I did not care to see him anymore. I met him through my work, and I see him briefly every morning, because he has a daily pick-up at my office.

One day, as he left the office, he handed me a beautiful piece of jewelry without any comment. I was taken off guard.

He has not asked me out or given me any indication that he wants to see me. The next day when I saw him, I asked him why he gave it to me, and he said he wanted me to have it.

I said that we were hardly talking to each other. He responded, “We are now.”

GENTLE READER: You mean that you kept the jewelry? Then you get to keep the gentleman who gave it to you.

That is the reasoning behind a rule that probably no one except Miss Manners remembers: that a lady does not accept jewelry from any gentleman, whether she likes him or not, if she is not related to him or engaged to become so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where is the correct place for one or two egg cups for soft-boiled eggs in a breakfast place setting? Where is the egg spoon placed? And once the egg has been eaten, where should one leave the spoon?

So far, I have always placed the egg cup(s) to the upper left side of the plate and the spoon to the right of the knife and, once the egg was eaten, laid the spoon on my plate.

GENTLE READER: Do you mind moving that egg cup to the center of the plate beneath it, where it should have been in the first place? Miss Manners is a bit nervous about making soft-boiled eggs, which tend to be slippery, take a longer trip than necessary.

Thank you. She feels better.

Being small, the egg spoon can arrive on the right side of the plate as well as leave on it, but it can also be placed to the right of the knife -- if you even need a full-sized knife at breakfast, rather than a butter knife, which would arrive on the butter plate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend was supposed to get married six years ago, but the wedding was canceled. I still have the bridesmaid’s dress I was supposed to wear (something I would never wear post-wedding -- a satin, strapless, dark purple, floor-length gown).

She is no longer with the former groom, and has been in a relationship for three years with a divorced man who says he will never marry again. How long must I keep this gown? Or may I go ahead and sell it to a future prom queen?

GENTLE READER: Your friend changed her mind about whom she wanted to live with, and you expect her to be loyal to a dress?

But you are certainly faithful. Miss Manners is astonished that you let it take up space in your closet for six years, and not only condones your getting rid of it, but urges you to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been told that I look young for my age, which I have chosen to accept as a compliment. I am frequently mistaken for a high school student, despite holding my doctorate.

However, since beginning work as a health care professional, many patients feel the need to bark something along the lines of, “You can’t POSSIBLY be the pharmacist! You’re much too young! How old ARE you??!”

Up to this point, I’ve been providing my age and reassurances that yes, I am the pharmacist. I give them the answers to their questions and send them on their way.

This is really starting to irritate me, as it’s directed at me multiple times a day and it’s none of their business how old I am. Is there any other polite way to get these people to stop asking?

GENTLE READER: First, please ask yourself why you considered it a compliment to be told that you look young for your age. This means that you accept the absurd -- but wildly pervasive -- notion that it is shameful to grow old. By that logic, you should also be flattered to be taken for someone too young to do your job.

Please understand that Miss Manners wants you to think no such thing. It is insulting to be sized up as you have been, even if it is to credit you with false youth.

Meanwhile, however, she will answer your question. What you can say, with a pleasant smile, is: “Perhaps you would prefer to come back tomorrow. I’ll still be the pharmacist, but I’ll be older then.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents are first cousins. I have a friend who likes to tell “inbred” jokes about people whose parents are first cousins.

This is always in a group setting, and she imitates having buck teeth and a southern accent and a voice very similar to the Disney character named Goofy.

She is not aware that my parents are first cousins, and if she knew, she would be horribly embarrassed. Is there a way to politely put an end to these jokes? I am finding them rather tiresome.

GENTLE READER: The easiest way of refuting prejudice is open to you. “But I AM one” (in this case, “I am the product of one”) is so good a stopper that Miss Manners has heard it used by people who are not really the target of such remarks. And it sounds to her as if your friend could use a small dose of embarrassment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I notice that sometimes when I say “thank you” to someone, usually in a service context, I hear the response “No problem” or “That’s OK.” This response suggests that the person has heard my gratitude as an apology, which, of course, it is not. I don’t know what to say in response, and usually just smile.

GENTLE READER: Although many people are driven crazy by these common substitutes for “you’re welcome,” Miss Manners notes that other languages -- notably French and Spanish -- use equivalents. True, it is annoying to have conventions displaced, but the idea here is to say that whatever was done for you was not seen as an intrusion, so there is no reason for you to feel insulted.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)