DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been told that I look young for my age, which I have chosen to accept as a compliment. I am frequently mistaken for a high school student, despite holding my doctorate.

However, since beginning work as a health care professional, many patients feel the need to bark something along the lines of, “You can’t POSSIBLY be the pharmacist! You’re much too young! How old ARE you??!”

Up to this point, I’ve been providing my age and reassurances that yes, I am the pharmacist. I give them the answers to their questions and send them on their way.

This is really starting to irritate me, as it’s directed at me multiple times a day and it’s none of their business how old I am. Is there any other polite way to get these people to stop asking?

GENTLE READER: First, please ask yourself why you considered it a compliment to be told that you look young for your age. This means that you accept the absurd -- but wildly pervasive -- notion that it is shameful to grow old. By that logic, you should also be flattered to be taken for someone too young to do your job.

Please understand that Miss Manners wants you to think no such thing. It is insulting to be sized up as you have been, even if it is to credit you with false youth.

Meanwhile, however, she will answer your question. What you can say, with a pleasant smile, is: “Perhaps you would prefer to come back tomorrow. I’ll still be the pharmacist, but I’ll be older then.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents are first cousins. I have a friend who likes to tell “inbred” jokes about people whose parents are first cousins.

This is always in a group setting, and she imitates having buck teeth and a southern accent and a voice very similar to the Disney character named Goofy.

She is not aware that my parents are first cousins, and if she knew, she would be horribly embarrassed. Is there a way to politely put an end to these jokes? I am finding them rather tiresome.

GENTLE READER: The easiest way of refuting prejudice is open to you. “But I AM one” (in this case, “I am the product of one”) is so good a stopper that Miss Manners has heard it used by people who are not really the target of such remarks. And it sounds to her as if your friend could use a small dose of embarrassment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I notice that sometimes when I say “thank you” to someone, usually in a service context, I hear the response “No problem” or “That’s OK.” This response suggests that the person has heard my gratitude as an apology, which, of course, it is not. I don’t know what to say in response, and usually just smile.

GENTLE READER: Although many people are driven crazy by these common substitutes for “you’re welcome,” Miss Manners notes that other languages -- notably French and Spanish -- use equivalents. True, it is annoying to have conventions displaced, but the idea here is to say that whatever was done for you was not seen as an intrusion, so there is no reason for you to feel insulted.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and colleague is getting married, and I accepted her orally delivered invitation long before she gave me the printed one.

Opening the two-folded card, I found, framed in it, a smaller card with a bank account number printed in bold, and the suggestion that one might, if so inclined, contribute to the couple’s honeymoon. It was only by removing this first card from the frame that I got to the actual invitation (which declared its own relief at being found, opening with a “Finally!” -- which was supposed to be a self-deprecating joke).

The groom, however, probably knowing how I feel about begging for -- well, anything really -- started justifying their decision to include their bank account details, and made a point of explaining how impractical more traditional gifts would be for them.

Once I got home and was done with my head-shaking, I realized that the couple hadn’t even provided all the necessary details for the donation they are soliciting: a second, necessary, bank code was missing, as well as the name of their bank and the details of the account holder(s). I know both of their full names, but they aren’t provided, either.

I now see three possibilities of action for myself, all of which make me rather uncomfortable: 1. Ask them to provide the missing information so that I can comply with their request. 2. Reply in kind, accepting the invitation and enclosing an amount of money, while profusely apologizing for such a vulgar gesture and explaining I didn’t have all the data for a banking transaction and didn’t wish to bother them at a highly busy time. 3. Straight-out ignore the displeasure expressed by the groom at the prospect of actual gifts, and buy them one I suspect will not be appreciated. What do you recommend?

GENTLE READER: Would not this couple be afraid that someone might misuse their information? Perhaps that is why it was incomplete.

While it is commendable that you want to please this couple and facilitate their rude and greedy request, Miss Manners feels compelled to remind you that it is they who are committing the transgression, not you. Send them a present that you hope might please them -- perhaps with an accompanying note that their banking information was confusing. This might result in them correcting it for you, but you may ignore that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I threw a birthday party for myself. It was a big birthday for me, and I paid for everyone’s dinner (including wine). This was an expensive affair, and I went all out. Two couples (the wealthier ones, LOL) came without a gift (only a card). Was it presumptuous of me to find this rude?

GENTLE READER: Yes. While Miss Manners commends you for not forcing others to pay for your own lavish party, it is only recently -- and under false notions of etiquette -- that this has become unusual. It is, in fact, correct. Expecting a present for it in return, however, is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon returning home from a 20,000-mile business trip, I immediately lifted my yearling son and began enjoying the moment with him. My wife, who was on a video conference with her parents, interrupted to insist that I was being “extremely rude” not to greet her and them first.

Aside from Miss Manners’ insistence that it’s rude to point out others’ rudeness, would she grant a bit of indulgence for excited young children and fathers?

GENTLE READER: Human interaction takes precedence over electronic (although the retail and business world would have you think otherwise), so it was actually your wife’s second transgression not to have excused herself for a moment to greet you. How polite of you not to have pointed that out.

In the future, however, to make all parties happy, Miss Manners recommends that you say a quick hello to all electronic visitors as you run to hug your son -- and then come back later to finish the conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few months back, I attended a family friend’s wedding. I gave cash as my gift. I received a phone call from the mother of the bride a few days later, and was informed that about 10 envelopes from the wedding went missing. Mine included.

It was heavily implied that I should re-give my original gift. I explained it was cash, and I was rudely cut off. Since then, the family has cut contact with me. Was I obligated to give my gift again?

GENTLE READER: No. But Miss Manners cannot help pointing out what a compelling argument this is against giving cash as a present. Or being friends with people who are so willing to extort it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a private duty nurse, I assist a disabled person with dressing, appointments and meals while his wife is at work (I prepare the meals for the patient and myself). When his wife arrives home from work, she insists on paying for my services just before I leave, and she often brings supper with her.

I feel as if I have invited myself to dinner and am invading family time. My commute to their home is over 30 minutes, so I cannot just pick up my check later. Will you suggest an appropriate way to excuse myself and receive payment?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult for Miss Manners to determine if you are truly worried about infringing on family time or would rather not conflate your professional duties with social ones. Both are valid, they just require different answers.

If the former, it is possible that the couple might actually enjoy your company and relish the break in their routine. You may accept their invitation without worry if you are so inclined.

But if you are asking how to politely make a quick, polite getaway while also getting paid in a timely manner, you may say, “I would love to join you, but I am afraid I have a prior commitment” -- even if that commitment is to your television.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)