DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and colleague is getting married, and I accepted her orally delivered invitation long before she gave me the printed one.

Opening the two-folded card, I found, framed in it, a smaller card with a bank account number printed in bold, and the suggestion that one might, if so inclined, contribute to the couple’s honeymoon. It was only by removing this first card from the frame that I got to the actual invitation (which declared its own relief at being found, opening with a “Finally!” -- which was supposed to be a self-deprecating joke).

The groom, however, probably knowing how I feel about begging for -- well, anything really -- started justifying their decision to include their bank account details, and made a point of explaining how impractical more traditional gifts would be for them.

Once I got home and was done with my head-shaking, I realized that the couple hadn’t even provided all the necessary details for the donation they are soliciting: a second, necessary, bank code was missing, as well as the name of their bank and the details of the account holder(s). I know both of their full names, but they aren’t provided, either.

I now see three possibilities of action for myself, all of which make me rather uncomfortable: 1. Ask them to provide the missing information so that I can comply with their request. 2. Reply in kind, accepting the invitation and enclosing an amount of money, while profusely apologizing for such a vulgar gesture and explaining I didn’t have all the data for a banking transaction and didn’t wish to bother them at a highly busy time. 3. Straight-out ignore the displeasure expressed by the groom at the prospect of actual gifts, and buy them one I suspect will not be appreciated. What do you recommend?

GENTLE READER: Would not this couple be afraid that someone might misuse their information? Perhaps that is why it was incomplete.

While it is commendable that you want to please this couple and facilitate their rude and greedy request, Miss Manners feels compelled to remind you that it is they who are committing the transgression, not you. Send them a present that you hope might please them -- perhaps with an accompanying note that their banking information was confusing. This might result in them correcting it for you, but you may ignore that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I threw a birthday party for myself. It was a big birthday for me, and I paid for everyone’s dinner (including wine). This was an expensive affair, and I went all out. Two couples (the wealthier ones, LOL) came without a gift (only a card). Was it presumptuous of me to find this rude?

GENTLE READER: Yes. While Miss Manners commends you for not forcing others to pay for your own lavish party, it is only recently -- and under false notions of etiquette -- that this has become unusual. It is, in fact, correct. Expecting a present for it in return, however, is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon returning home from a 20,000-mile business trip, I immediately lifted my yearling son and began enjoying the moment with him. My wife, who was on a video conference with her parents, interrupted to insist that I was being “extremely rude” not to greet her and them first.

Aside from Miss Manners’ insistence that it’s rude to point out others’ rudeness, would she grant a bit of indulgence for excited young children and fathers?

GENTLE READER: Human interaction takes precedence over electronic (although the retail and business world would have you think otherwise), so it was actually your wife’s second transgression not to have excused herself for a moment to greet you. How polite of you not to have pointed that out.

In the future, however, to make all parties happy, Miss Manners recommends that you say a quick hello to all electronic visitors as you run to hug your son -- and then come back later to finish the conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few months back, I attended a family friend’s wedding. I gave cash as my gift. I received a phone call from the mother of the bride a few days later, and was informed that about 10 envelopes from the wedding went missing. Mine included.

It was heavily implied that I should re-give my original gift. I explained it was cash, and I was rudely cut off. Since then, the family has cut contact with me. Was I obligated to give my gift again?

GENTLE READER: No. But Miss Manners cannot help pointing out what a compelling argument this is against giving cash as a present. Or being friends with people who are so willing to extort it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a private duty nurse, I assist a disabled person with dressing, appointments and meals while his wife is at work (I prepare the meals for the patient and myself). When his wife arrives home from work, she insists on paying for my services just before I leave, and she often brings supper with her.

I feel as if I have invited myself to dinner and am invading family time. My commute to their home is over 30 minutes, so I cannot just pick up my check later. Will you suggest an appropriate way to excuse myself and receive payment?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult for Miss Manners to determine if you are truly worried about infringing on family time or would rather not conflate your professional duties with social ones. Both are valid, they just require different answers.

If the former, it is possible that the couple might actually enjoy your company and relish the break in their routine. You may accept their invitation without worry if you are so inclined.

But if you are asking how to politely make a quick, polite getaway while also getting paid in a timely manner, you may say, “I would love to join you, but I am afraid I have a prior commitment” -- even if that commitment is to your television.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For well over a year now, I have been attending a managers’ meeting twice monthly at my firm. There are about eight persons in the group, and naturally it has evolved that we tend to sit in the same seats every meeting, where we eat lunch first.

Two meetings ago, there was a shift in the composition of the group: One person left the team and a new member joined. This person happens to be good friends with another person in the group.

Last meeting, the new member sat beside me. (The person who normally sits there didn’t attend, and no doubt wouldn’t mind anyway, as she is new to the group.) At today’s meeting, however, when I entered the room, her friend was in “my” seat and my lunch was placed further down the table. That person’s usual seat on the other side of the table was not taken.

What is the protocol here? Am I being overly sensitive to think she could have at least acknowledged that she had displaced me from my usual seat, of which she was well aware? Even a humorous comment would have made me feel better. Overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: The tendency of meeting-goers to assume squatter’s rights over particular chairs leads to more misunderstandings in the workplace than Miss Manners likes to contemplate.

She could also note her astonishment that people who pride themselves on their businesslike, i.e., forthright, approach to life are so squeamish on the subject. If chairs are assigned, someone should say so; if they are not, then you should get on with the business of the day.

Miss Manners at least, feels better, even if she has not solved your problem. If we really must play musical chairs at every meeting, then Miss Manners coaches newcomers to arrive one minute before the meeting time -- when most people are in the room -- and ask in a loud, cheery voice, “Are there assigned seats for this meeting?” The agenda of the meeting can then be thrown out in favor of a lengthy debate on the question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For a friend’s retirement party, the invitation did not include my husband, so he did not go with me. When I got there, I found that many couples (friends of ours) were there.

Everyone, even the honoree’s husband, kept asking me where my husband was. I answered that the honoree did not know my husband well, so he was not invited. I felt awkward and embarrassed. How should I have handled this?

GENTLE READER: After you politely followed your hosts’ instructions, it is galling to learn that the invitation did not accurately express their intentions.

But broadcasting that your husband was not invited is neither polite nor will it assuage your own embarrassment. The criticism of your hosts in such a statement is explicit, the fact that no one else complied with similar invitations is implicit, and it makes clear that you are embarrassed -- as well as the only one who misunderstood. It would be better to say how sorry your husband was not to have been able to come, and omit the reason why.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)