DEAR MISS MANNERS: My Uncle Horace owns a cabin that my father’s entire family has been using for years. I myself have been going since I was a baby. Anyone in the family is free to use it. We often had girls’ weekends there, and on other holiday weekends, the whole family would go up. We always had a good time and relaxed.

However, my Aunt Belle (his sister) bought a cabin a five-minute walk down the road, and she insists that we have girls’ weekends at her cabin every year from now on.

She is cheap, bossy, and nobody feels comfortable or has much fun while we are there. She assigns who is going to sleep where, what everyone should bring, what we should be doing and when we should be doing it. I got yelled at for accidentally taking an extra paper plate last year! Then she hid and kept all the snacks and bottled water I brought for everyone.

I have gone twice and regretted it both times! It is not relaxing. Most people complain about her the entire time we are there.

This past year I couldn’t go because I couldn’t afford it, and everyone complained and yelled at me. They say I need to go so everyone can have fun. They call me a party pooper, and always dismiss whatever reason I can’t go. My Aunt Belle will even move the weekend just so I can come.

We have another girls’ weekend coming up and I don’t know what to do. If it is at my Uncle Horace’s cabin, I would love to go! I know we will have fun and that there will be room for everyone.

If it is at my Aunt Belle’s cabin, I definitely don’t want to go. When I bring up having it at Uncle Horace’s, my Aunt Belle complains she already has “everything” at her cabin and she would rather have it there so she doesn’t have to pack a bag. Everyone else agrees with me, but will tell Aunt Belle they “don’t care” because they say it’s not worth a fight.

GENTLE READER: Is it not possible to do both? As the cabins are only five minutes apart, could you have half of the people at your uncle’s house and half at your aunt’s? You could do this under the guise of not wanting to burden her with the full guest list. Or perhaps eliminating the gender divide could render this necessary: “Oh, let’s have boys and girls this time. I think I will stay with Uncle Horace so that I can help out with the hosting duties over there.” With any luck, Miss Manners hopes that the chaos will confuse Aunt Belle into silence -- and even if it does ultimately end up being only the girls, your plans will have already been set.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sitting at a table, from which side of the chair do you enter and exit?

GENTLE READER: The one that does not have someone else’s knees firmly perched up against it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I seem to be at odds regarding the cookies our bank offers to patrons in the lobby.

I say that the cookies are to be enjoyed by patrons while they are there, and I object to my husband’s practice of coming home with four to six each time he visits the bank. When he arrives home, he places them in a plastic baggie and puts them in the freezer to eat throughout the week until the next time he goes to the bank.

GENTLE READER: Cookie plates are meant to be shared, which means that a one-per-customer rule should be observed, even if not posted.

Perhaps your bank feels differently, although as a rule, Miss Manners has observed that banks frown on customers who fill their pockets with whatever happens to be lying around just because it is not currently under lock and key.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our nephew celebrated his 10th birthday, my sister-in-law notified my mother-in-law of the date and time of the party about three days prior, and she then passed the information on to us.

My husband’s younger brother inquired separately and was told a different time. He passed that information on to my mother-in-law, who again passed it on to us the day before.

Neither my husband’s older brother nor his wife directly invited us and, feeling it was rude to assume an invitation, we did not attend. Unfortunately, it’s clear that we’ve upset them. In the past, when we’ve assumed we were invited to events, based on a word-of-mouth invite through his parents, it was made clear -- through comments made about not having enough food for everyone -- that we weren’t actually invited. There have also been birthday parties that were strictly meant for our nephew and his friends where we did not receive an invitation.

My husband tried to explain our reasoning, but it doesn’t seem to have cleared up the hard feelings. Were we wrong? Should we have gone anyway?

GENTLE READER: Would you tolerate an acquaintance who expected you to attend events to which you were not properly invited and for which the times changed without advance warning, only to be punished with unpleasant comments when you guessed wrong?

Likely not. But Miss Manners reminds you that, contrary to popular belief, family requires more effort, not less. You must therefore put aside your annoyance and concentrate on clearing up the confusion. Tell your sister-in-law that you are extremely sorry to have missed your nephew’s party and you would appreciate her help in ensuring it does not happen again. You could throw in that you also felt terrible when you attended her cookout, only to discover that you were not invited.

Tell her that if she could relay invitations directly -- rather than going through your mother-in-law -- you would be immensely grateful. And then, because it is family, you will have to start calling and confirming directly if she does not do as you asked.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When saying hello and goodbye to my friends, I often give them a quick hug. If my friend is with someone else that I do not know well, I would feel awkward giving that person a hug, too.

In that case, is it better to not hug anybody, so that I don’t treat people unequally?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not require one to parcel out one’s affections equally, and, Miss Manners hastens to add, social systems that lack a sense of humor -- morality, for example -- actively object to doing so.

The acquaintance merits no more than a handshake, while the friend can be greeted with a handshake or hug as circumstances and inclinations permit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year, after the busiest time in our fairly small professional office, the partners give me (the office manager) a pretty substantial cash gift. I feel that I should write a thank-you note at least, to let them know that I appreciate it.

However, every example of a thank-you note that I can find indicates that I should mention what I plan on using the cash for. I don’t feel that it’s appropriate to tell the people that I work with that I plan to use it for groceries, or to pay off my car loan.

GENTLE READER: Staunch promoter of thank-you notes though she is, Miss Manners uses a different word to describe a cash payment in a professional setting, as opposed to a present given socially.

It is called a salary or, in your case, a bonus. No thank-you note is generally required, but because of the small size of the office and the bonus’s not being automatic or calculated according to previously articulated rules, you may want to send a short, handwritten note.

But unless you have reason to make the point that you need this money for groceries, you should simply express your gratitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I respond when people get too curious about why I have a licensed service dog? Too often, I’ll have someone ask exactly what she is trained to do for me. Being a licensed health care professional myself, I usually simply respond, “She was trained for me.”

When they become even more persistent, I usually say, “Are you asking what medical disability I have?” What is a polite comeback rather than saying, “My medical information is federally protected by HIPAA, and you cannot ask about my medical history”?

GENTLE READER: A question about why the person wants to know will be taken as an invitation. And if you make a legal argument, you will inevitably run into a nosy lawyer who is happy to debate whether medical privacy laws apply to private individuals as well as health care providers.

If your questioner fails to stop when you reasonably say that the dog was trained for you, Miss Manners recommends an unambiguous follow-up: that neither you nor your dog cares to discuss it. This may lead to an unpleasant pause, but the rudeness will not be yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)