DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does etiquette have any guidance for the chronic mistake-maker?

I am 40 years old, and I have spent most of my life losing items seconds after they leave my hands, making wrong turns, forgetting names, and being lost for words when polite replies are most needed. These things inconvenience others and cause me embarrassment.

I nearly always apologize when others are affected, but when taking an extra 20 minutes to leave the house because I am still searching for my keys and wallet becomes a daily occurrence, is there a position I can hold in regard to the most frequently affected parties other than that of a constantly apologizing person?

GENTLE READER: Apologizing is etiquette’s way of making mistakes right, but there is no provision for a bulk discount.

This is not an oversight. There is no good way to announce your intent to inconvenience your friends and relatives on a daily basis without implying that you have given up trying not to do so.

Miss Manners appreciates that you have not made a quasi-medical excuse for what you admit to be mistakes, but you do seem resigned. If you cannot correct the behavior, then an apology is a minor additional commitment of time. The recipient will appreciate the gesture -- and also understand if the apology is not extensive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes, when calling on the phone for some kind of customer support, I am connected to a person who can barely speak English, and it is almost impossible to understand what they are trying to say. What would be a good way to request another person to speak to, without being rude? This happens more often than not.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette demands that you make a reasonable effort to be patient with someone who is trying, in good faith, to be understood. But you cannot be expected to read minds. After the second or third request to repeat what was said -- and perhaps an apology for your own difficulties in understanding -- Miss Manners gives you permission to ask, “Would it be possible to speak with someone else? I’m having some trouble understanding what’s being said.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t have anything against animals. In fact, my husband and I generously support our local humane society. I just don’t want pets in my house. This seems to offend some of my friends and family members, who take their dogs with them wherever they go. Am I wrong not to want dogs on my furniture, rugs and scratching up my hardwood floors? Please give me some advice as to how to convey my feelings without offending them.

GENTLE READER: However reasonable Miss Manners may agree that it is that uninvited guests not scratch up your floors, it is the contrary opinion of your guests that is causing problems. What you can both agree on is the importance that their pets be protected from harm. Explain with great concern that pet safety is not something you can guarantee in your home as, not being a pet owner, your house cannot be made adequately pet-friendly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends of mine decided to adopt a child from Africa. I applauded this, as children all around the world need good homes. They are nice people, and will make good parents.

Soon after they announced their plans to adopt, they began fundraising on social media and via mail to pay for the adoption. They complained about the high cost, asked for prayers, asked for money, sold coffee, bread and magazines, and sent out mail asking for donations.

I was put off. While I agreed that their adopting was a great idea, I don’t know that they should ask friends to pay for it. I happen to know that they can adopt a child of any age completely for free through the county. As they are close friends, as they were vocally concerned about the cost, and as I thought they might not be aware of this alternate option, I mentioned it to them.

They thanked me for the information, but told me they wouldn’t consider it, as their “hearts were in Africa.” I dropped it, and moved on.

I am wondering if their requests are appropriate. Additionally, must I donate? I would rather not, despite the fact that I admire their decision to adopt. Since they are voluntarily choosing the more expensive option, I feel they should carry the cost and not put their friends in an awkward situation.

GENTLE READER: Your friends handled your suggestion with tact. Thanks and the decision not to follow your advice are the polite way of saying that whom they adopt is none of your business. And you accepted that as such.

But wait -- they are asking you to buy into the business. That does not mean that you get to vote how to run it. But it does mean that you should feel no compunction about not complying.

Certainly it is admirable of them to adopt a child. It will be admirable of them to feed and clothe and educate this child, and you already know that they expect others to help with their costs. But you need to decide whether assisting them would be the best use of whatever charitable money you have at your disposal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please tell me if it is polite to say “Nice to see you” to someone you have just met for the first time? Shouldn’t you say “Nice to meet you” instead?

GENTLE READER: Actually, neither. Miss Manners may be the last person on Earth to say “How do you do?” (a statement, not a question, despite the question mark) but that is the correct response to an introduction. The idea seems to be that the niceness may follow, but loses its value when offered on credit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please tell me if it is polite to say “Nice to see you” to someone you have just met for the first time? Shouldn’t you say “Nice to meet you” instead?

GENTLE READER: Actually, neither. Miss Manners may be the last person on Earth to say “How do you do?” (a statement, not a question, despite the question mark) but that is the correct response to an introduction. The idea seems to be that the niceness may follow, but loses its value when offered on credit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When living with roommates, do I have to inform them of when I have a guest spending the night? If I do, how much time in advance is appropriate?

GENTLE READER: While using a popular online language program, Miss Manners dutifully learned a sentence that she could not imagine anyone would have occasion to use, in any language. It was, “Who is that man in the bathtub?”

But indeed, you have posited a situation in which it might be useful.

Nevertheless, it might be better if that situation did not arise. Roommates need to agree on house rules, including a policy on guests -- and apparently, in your case, last-minute guests. It can be whatever you all agree on, but Miss Manners would think that “no surprises” would be a good guiding principle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know you take a dim view of people throwing birthday parties for themselves. However, I turn 70 years old soon and I want to throw a birthday party for myself; I will explain why.

In the last 50 years, I have lost all of the most important people in my life: all of my grandparents, both of my parents, three sisters, all of my aunts and uncles, a beloved cousin, my best friend, his brother, both of my college roommates, my oldest childhood friend, another childhood friend, and on and on. Many of my professional colleagues have also predeceased me.

I feel as if I am a survivor since so many of these people died young. I want to celebrate my 70th birthday with the few friends and family who remain. Why would this be wrong?

GENTLE READER: Really, you needn’t have cited all of your losses to justify throwing a party. Miss Manners is not such a meanyboots as to grudge your assembling people who care about you and to whom your birthday is meaningful.

But allow her to shed some light on that dim view:

The usual adult birthday party nowadays is in flagrant violation of the basic rules of hospitality. The celebrant directs others to pay not just honor, but costs, without even the choice of where and when that is to be. And expects presents in addition, because it is a birthday.

If by “throwing a party,” you mean that you are going to plan and sponsor a gathering for the enjoyment of your guests, you have Miss Manners’ blessing. She offers extra credit if you don’t call it a birthday party, so they don’t feel obligated to bring presents. At the party, you can then thank them for helping celebrate your birthday, and listen to them protest that they wish they had known before.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of the recent practice at wedding receptions for the bride and groom to sit at a small table on their own? Are they afraid of infecting others with their joy?

GENTLE READER: Or are they planning to enjoy a more expensive wine than they are serving to their guests?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)