DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I announce my second wedding, which will be a tropical destination wedding for two only?

Most of our immediate friends and family know of our recent decision. We made this choice after months of debate over who we could and could not invite to a more intimate local wedding.

The list of invitees was always greater than our budget could afford, and we were also set on taking a honeymoon that neither of us had in our first attempts at marriage. Finally, landing on a destination wedding seemed to make things right by us, yet I need to make sure I don’t exclude all who have shown us love and support over the years and throughout our journey of love and life shared together.

Additionally, many have expressed an interest in making contributions toward our destination wedding, which they can do online.

How do I include such a reference in an announcement, when it will simply be an announcement and not a “save the date” or an invitation? I don’t want to appear needy and/or inappropriate, but I also don’t want to disregard the wishes of those who’ve expressed such.

GENTLE READER: A short vocabulary review is in order.

A destination wedding is one in which the guests are invited to a location that is chosen for its charms to the couple, rather than for any association with them or their families. If no guests are invited, it is called an elopement.

A wedding announcement cannot be confused with an invitation or a save-the-date notice because it is sent after the wedding -- its purpose being not to herald an event, but to announce that one has taken place.

Miss Manners hopes that this is helpful because she refuses to assist you in soliciting funds for your trip. People who have expressed the wish to contribute deserve to be thanked individually, which is when you can tell them how to do it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a small dinner party for a group of folks who know each other well. Some of these folks had been to my place before, and others had not.

I announced at the outset that cold beverages were in the refrigerator and that wine and glasses were on the counter, and that I hoped that all would consider themselves at home, and to feel free to help themselves to anything that they wanted.

This seemed to surprise some. Was I too forward? Could you just respond with a short answer such as, “You are the host; act like one,” or, “Very welcoming”?

GENTLE READER: All right: You are the host; act like one.

But Miss Manners is reluctant to leave it at that, because of course a host should be welcoming. It is just that the warm and well-intentioned directive to “Make yourself at home” is not taken literally by polite guests, nor should it be.

You wouldn’t want your friends to rummage in your bedroom drawers as if they were at home. And they do not want to rummage in your refrigerator. Acting like a host requires treating them as welcome guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many restaurant servers and food handlers in sandwich shops and fast-food stores are wearing facial jewelry, like nose rings and lip, eyebrow, nose, tongue and chin piercings.

I don’t know why, but these facial piercings literally nauseate me. My appetite is gone.

What to do? If I complain to the manager, the server might get fired. If I ask for another server, a friend who works in restaurants said it is very likely the kitchen staff will get even by contaminating my food.

Also, some food servers sport arm tattoos from their neck to their wrists. Some tattoos are pictorial, but many are word messages.

What’s the proper thing to do? Do I try to read the messages or look at images? Are tattoos like these an invitation for attention? Is it OK to ask, “What does that tattoo mean?”

GENTLE READER: It strikes Miss Manners that you are more interested in the food handlers than the food.

And while you should not patronize a restaurant that brings on nausea, for whatever reason, you should not presume that the price of a meal entitles you to critique or question the appearance of the staff. The time to check out the staff is before you sit down, so that you can dine elsewhere if their appearance upsets you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a muggy 95-degree day, I was a passenger in my sister’s car when she pulled into a filling station. She (an attractive woman in her late 40s) was swiping her credit card when I noticed the man on the opposite side of the pump, a well-groomed man in his 60s, watching her with a smile.

When she turned to lift the pump nozzle, he quickly stepped forward and said “May I?” in a courtly tone. She was taken aback, then recovered, thanked him sincerely, and then rounded the vehicle and got in out of the heat. I heard him ask “Fill it up?” as she stepped away and she replied “Yes, please,” before shutting her car door.

I was somewhat taken aback, as it seemed clear to me that he offered to pump so she could avoid sullying her hands, but didn’t expect to be left out in the heat without a bit of chitchat.

She maintained that he likely offered to spare her from the heat, and if so, what was the point of standing outside while he pumped? But, following my observation, she did begrudgingly exit the car and root in the trunk on some pretext, giving herself another opportunity to thank him. He graciously replied and that was that; we all drove away.

Miss Manners, what would you have made of the same circumstances? My sister was irked at my interpretation and the implication that she committed a faux pas by jumping into the car while the stranger completed the task.

GENTLE READER: This car probably has a window. A compromise would have been for your sister to lower it and express her thanks then.

But Miss Manners shares her distaste for your implication that an act of gallantry must be met with one of flirtation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a publication covering a specific field. Although some other publications in our field are free for subscribers (supported only by advertising), we charge for subscriptions. We honestly think our content is a cut above, and that seems to be borne out by the many people willing to pay for our subscription.

However, we often hear from people calling to subscribe or renew their subscriptions who act disgruntled that they have to pay. “XYZ Magazine doesn’t charge for subscriptions,” they’ll grumble. Or: “I’ve never had to pay for one of these magazines before.”

Sometimes they’ll even mix up their publications and say, accusingly: “I thought this was FREE!” A few really brazen ones will claim they’re some sort of special case and we should waive the fee for them.

Privately, I’m very put out that they don’t think they should have to pay for our content. Some very smart people work quite hard on it. Since most of these callers ultimately pay, they obviously think our content is valuable.

I want to point out that they would never think of walking into a store and demanding to walk out with a product without paying. But since they’re customers and I have to be polite, I’m always reduced to saying something like, “Well, yes, it is a paid subscription.” Or: “Yes, as far as I know it’s always been a paid subscription.” Or, “No, actually there’s just one price for everyone.” Or: “Yes, I’ve heard XYZ is free, but there’s a charge for ours.”

Is there something appropriate I could say that underscores that our product is worth something and their sense of entitlement is out of line?

GENTLE READER: Just that. “We think our product is worth it. But of course if you feel otherwise, that is your choice.” Miss Manners recommends that you resist adding the ubiquitous, “Is there anything else I can help you with?” -- as these same customers will likely think of plenty.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should I do? I am not good at math lol.

GENTLE READER: Nor, it seems, proper English. While technology can often help with both problems, evidence suggests that it has not done a particularly good job of accurately solving either. If it is important to you -- and you are using it as an excuse to shortchange friends and businesses -- Miss Manners suggests that you enlist a human tutor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A small bud fell off a flower bouquet yesterday, and I pinned it in my hair. My dear husband was charmed, but are there rules for wearing fresh flowers in the hair?

It seems too frivolous for work, but what about wearing a flower to church, to a store, or to a restaurant? Does the time of day or the season matter?

GENTLE READER: Only if the quality of the flower is compromised by it. Rotting buds and creepy crawlers will likely diminish the intended charm. As long as you may reasonably ensure that those things will not occur, Miss Manners is happy to encourage you to wear flowers for any and all of the aforementioned occasions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)