DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many restaurant servers and food handlers in sandwich shops and fast-food stores are wearing facial jewelry, like nose rings and lip, eyebrow, nose, tongue and chin piercings.

I don’t know why, but these facial piercings literally nauseate me. My appetite is gone.

What to do? If I complain to the manager, the server might get fired. If I ask for another server, a friend who works in restaurants said it is very likely the kitchen staff will get even by contaminating my food.

Also, some food servers sport arm tattoos from their neck to their wrists. Some tattoos are pictorial, but many are word messages.

What’s the proper thing to do? Do I try to read the messages or look at images? Are tattoos like these an invitation for attention? Is it OK to ask, “What does that tattoo mean?”

GENTLE READER: It strikes Miss Manners that you are more interested in the food handlers than the food.

And while you should not patronize a restaurant that brings on nausea, for whatever reason, you should not presume that the price of a meal entitles you to critique or question the appearance of the staff. The time to check out the staff is before you sit down, so that you can dine elsewhere if their appearance upsets you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a muggy 95-degree day, I was a passenger in my sister’s car when she pulled into a filling station. She (an attractive woman in her late 40s) was swiping her credit card when I noticed the man on the opposite side of the pump, a well-groomed man in his 60s, watching her with a smile.

When she turned to lift the pump nozzle, he quickly stepped forward and said “May I?” in a courtly tone. She was taken aback, then recovered, thanked him sincerely, and then rounded the vehicle and got in out of the heat. I heard him ask “Fill it up?” as she stepped away and she replied “Yes, please,” before shutting her car door.

I was somewhat taken aback, as it seemed clear to me that he offered to pump so she could avoid sullying her hands, but didn’t expect to be left out in the heat without a bit of chitchat.

She maintained that he likely offered to spare her from the heat, and if so, what was the point of standing outside while he pumped? But, following my observation, she did begrudgingly exit the car and root in the trunk on some pretext, giving herself another opportunity to thank him. He graciously replied and that was that; we all drove away.

Miss Manners, what would you have made of the same circumstances? My sister was irked at my interpretation and the implication that she committed a faux pas by jumping into the car while the stranger completed the task.

GENTLE READER: This car probably has a window. A compromise would have been for your sister to lower it and express her thanks then.

But Miss Manners shares her distaste for your implication that an act of gallantry must be met with one of flirtation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a publication covering a specific field. Although some other publications in our field are free for subscribers (supported only by advertising), we charge for subscriptions. We honestly think our content is a cut above, and that seems to be borne out by the many people willing to pay for our subscription.

However, we often hear from people calling to subscribe or renew their subscriptions who act disgruntled that they have to pay. “XYZ Magazine doesn’t charge for subscriptions,” they’ll grumble. Or: “I’ve never had to pay for one of these magazines before.”

Sometimes they’ll even mix up their publications and say, accusingly: “I thought this was FREE!” A few really brazen ones will claim they’re some sort of special case and we should waive the fee for them.

Privately, I’m very put out that they don’t think they should have to pay for our content. Some very smart people work quite hard on it. Since most of these callers ultimately pay, they obviously think our content is valuable.

I want to point out that they would never think of walking into a store and demanding to walk out with a product without paying. But since they’re customers and I have to be polite, I’m always reduced to saying something like, “Well, yes, it is a paid subscription.” Or: “Yes, as far as I know it’s always been a paid subscription.” Or, “No, actually there’s just one price for everyone.” Or: “Yes, I’ve heard XYZ is free, but there’s a charge for ours.”

Is there something appropriate I could say that underscores that our product is worth something and their sense of entitlement is out of line?

GENTLE READER: Just that. “We think our product is worth it. But of course if you feel otherwise, that is your choice.” Miss Manners recommends that you resist adding the ubiquitous, “Is there anything else I can help you with?” -- as these same customers will likely think of plenty.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should I do? I am not good at math lol.

GENTLE READER: Nor, it seems, proper English. While technology can often help with both problems, evidence suggests that it has not done a particularly good job of accurately solving either. If it is important to you -- and you are using it as an excuse to shortchange friends and businesses -- Miss Manners suggests that you enlist a human tutor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A small bud fell off a flower bouquet yesterday, and I pinned it in my hair. My dear husband was charmed, but are there rules for wearing fresh flowers in the hair?

It seems too frivolous for work, but what about wearing a flower to church, to a store, or to a restaurant? Does the time of day or the season matter?

GENTLE READER: Only if the quality of the flower is compromised by it. Rotting buds and creepy crawlers will likely diminish the intended charm. As long as you may reasonably ensure that those things will not occur, Miss Manners is happy to encourage you to wear flowers for any and all of the aforementioned occasions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live on the sixth floor of an apartment building downtown. Whenever a certain friend comes over to visit, he asks if he can bring his dog. I love dogs and always say yes.

On his last visit, he said, “A good hostess would take her guest’s dog out when it needed to go to the bathroom.” What is the proper etiquette when someone brings their dog to your home?

GENTLE READER: A good host will facilitate the guests’ reasonable comfort by providing refreshment and pointing out bathroom facilities when needed. The host is not, however, responsible for ensuring that the bodily tasks therein associated are successfully completed. In short, unless the owner is otherwise indisposed and you are feeling generous, Miss Manners does not require that a good host accompany guests’ pets to the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My first reaction to someone telling me about an unfortunate event or situation is to say something like, “Oh dear, I’m so sorry.”

Several times, by different people, I have been rebuffed with a “Why? It’s not your fault!”

All right, Miss Manners, what am I doing wrong here? How can I express my condolences for a tragedy without also taking the blame for it? I assume these people don’t actually think I believe I’m under suspicion, so why are they replying this way?

GENTLE READER: To be cheeky and have something to say. Particularly when dealing with bad news, Miss Manners finds that people look for misplaced levity in the strangest of ways.

Adding “for you” to the “I am so sorry” would likely have these same people complain that it sounds like you are pitying them. If these rebukes continue, you could simply look shocked at the insinuation and add, “I meant sorry on your behalf, of course.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I have a difference of opinion concerning shirtless men in public. I feel there is an appropriate time and place where it is acceptable to walk around half-clothed: beach, waterpark, working.

GENTLE READER: What kind of “working”?

Miss Manners will concede the first two examples, but disputes the last. If the type of work is for oneself, unpaid and limited to the confines of one’s home, Miss Manners will look away if she happens to catch a glimpse from next door. But unless the dress code of any paid work actually demands partial nudity, she frowns upon it in public.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been married three times: The first one ended in divorce after 33 years, my second husband died after five years of a serious illness, and I’ve been married to my third husband now for 15 years.

What is the proper way to refer to my previous husbands, especially the one in the middle? I feel weird saying “my late husband,” because they’ll think I’m a widow. My first one is still “my first husband.”

GENTLE READER: “My former husband” -- or husbands, as the subject requires. Of course, you can also always use their names, but Miss Manners knows how everyone does enjoy context.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)