DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live on the sixth floor of an apartment building downtown. Whenever a certain friend comes over to visit, he asks if he can bring his dog. I love dogs and always say yes.

On his last visit, he said, “A good hostess would take her guest’s dog out when it needed to go to the bathroom.” What is the proper etiquette when someone brings their dog to your home?

GENTLE READER: A good host will facilitate the guests’ reasonable comfort by providing refreshment and pointing out bathroom facilities when needed. The host is not, however, responsible for ensuring that the bodily tasks therein associated are successfully completed. In short, unless the owner is otherwise indisposed and you are feeling generous, Miss Manners does not require that a good host accompany guests’ pets to the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My first reaction to someone telling me about an unfortunate event or situation is to say something like, “Oh dear, I’m so sorry.”

Several times, by different people, I have been rebuffed with a “Why? It’s not your fault!”

All right, Miss Manners, what am I doing wrong here? How can I express my condolences for a tragedy without also taking the blame for it? I assume these people don’t actually think I believe I’m under suspicion, so why are they replying this way?

GENTLE READER: To be cheeky and have something to say. Particularly when dealing with bad news, Miss Manners finds that people look for misplaced levity in the strangest of ways.

Adding “for you” to the “I am so sorry” would likely have these same people complain that it sounds like you are pitying them. If these rebukes continue, you could simply look shocked at the insinuation and add, “I meant sorry on your behalf, of course.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I have a difference of opinion concerning shirtless men in public. I feel there is an appropriate time and place where it is acceptable to walk around half-clothed: beach, waterpark, working.

GENTLE READER: What kind of “working”?

Miss Manners will concede the first two examples, but disputes the last. If the type of work is for oneself, unpaid and limited to the confines of one’s home, Miss Manners will look away if she happens to catch a glimpse from next door. But unless the dress code of any paid work actually demands partial nudity, she frowns upon it in public.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been married three times: The first one ended in divorce after 33 years, my second husband died after five years of a serious illness, and I’ve been married to my third husband now for 15 years.

What is the proper way to refer to my previous husbands, especially the one in the middle? I feel weird saying “my late husband,” because they’ll think I’m a widow. My first one is still “my first husband.”

GENTLE READER: “My former husband” -- or husbands, as the subject requires. Of course, you can also always use their names, but Miss Manners knows how everyone does enjoy context.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette around addressing, with a friend, a personal topic that you learned about through social media?

For example, if a friend publishes on social media a story of their recent hospitalization, how do I handle this information the next time I see them in person? Do I wait for them to tell me again? Address it head-on? I have tried both approaches, and neither feels natural.

GENTLE READER: We have become so accustomed to the technology in our lives being replaced every six months that it is natural to think that etiquette is equally transitory.

It does evolve, but at a slower pace. The situation you describe is no different than when the neighborhood gossip told you across the fence that Mr. So-and-So’s wife absconded with both their retirement savings and the plumber.

Source and subject matter are the relevant issues. If the personal information was promulgated by the friend affected, you are free to address it; if it was promulgated by someone who had no right or reason to share, then delicacy is in order: “Did I hear that you were not feeling well? I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would have called.” And as before, some subject matter is best not touched at all until you have been told directly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 11-year-old son goes to an international school in the U.S. We hosted an 11-year-old boy for several weeks on an exchange program.

That boy rarely said please or thank you, made occasional gruff requests, resisted going to bed, and was in general not experienced as a lovely guest by us grown-ups. (My son is not perfectly polite, but is mostly good at please, thank you, and friendly conversation with grown-ups.) The two boys had a wonderful time together nonetheless.

However, his poor manners got more and more on my nerves as the days wore on. To what extent would you say that it was my responsibility or right in loco parentis to offer reminders -- as I would to my own son -- to say please/thank you, ask pleasantly for things rather than make gruff requests, and so on?

I felt uncomfortable at the beginning about prodding him to be more polite. As time went by, his behavior was getting very much on my nerves, but then it seemed too late to start prodding. I did remind him to thank another mom who drove him with several boys on an outing, saying (in his language, as he didn’t speak English), “Don’t forget to thank Caleb’s mom!”

But would it be acceptable to say to him, “Don’t forget to say ‘thank you’ when we take you on a special weekend outing”?

GENTLE READER: As the acting parent, teaching good manners is both your responsibility and your right. Miss Manners will allow you to soften the blow with explanations that this is “the custom here,” so long as you can avoid giving the impression that you think Americans have a global corner on the etiquette market.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my work as a college professor, it is a joy to see the students learn and grow, and I love having a small part in their stories. But there are two related queries to which I have yet to identify a gracious response. Both come, whether via email or face-to-face, from students who have missed class for any of a wide variety of reasons.

Question 1: ”What did I miss?” I’m uncertain how to politely explain that I’m not able to offer a condensed version of the class to the student.

Question 2: ”Did I miss anything important?” Almost anything I can think of to say sounds either sarcastic or as if I were hurt, and neither is what I would want to convey, for the inquirer generally means well.

GENTLE READER: The words of your answer will be straightforward if we can first agree on delivery. The tone you are looking for is “professorial,” itself a variation on “serious.”

As a nation of people hoping to someday be on a television comedy series, we have forgotten that not all responses can, or should, be sarcastic (or what passes for witty banter). Miss Manners herself has, on occasion, shockingly been known to lighten a difficult situation with humor.

For those needing a refresher, serious statements are direct and unequivocal, said without the wry smile, the look away or a roll of the eyes. Neutral, in other words:

“We covered the causes of the Spanish Civil War, which are in chapters five through eight in the textbook.” This is the pattern for answers to both questions, as you will want to leave any determination of the importance of the lecture as an exercise for the student.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have some very good friends who have always been there for me. They live very close to my house.

This year, since my youngest kid is not old enough to take the school bus, they offered to drop her off at my home after school with her older siblings. I work full-time and this was such a great blessing for me. They have done this wholeheartedly and have never expected anything back.

I want to reward them with something really special, and I am not sure how to do that. My spouse thinks I should give them a generous monetary gift card, but I am not sure if that would offend them and affect our beautiful friendship. At the same time, I do not want to do nothing for them when they have done so much for me. How do you reward your close friends?

GENTLE READER: At some point, they may need an equally selfless act on your part, which you will no doubt be glad to do. But in the meantime, Miss Manners applauds you for recognizing that a friendship is different than a commercial transaction.

What you want to express is gratitude. This can be done with an effusive letter and a small gift. Just remember that it is the gift, not the letter, that is optional.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)