DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there any social processes or general rules of conduct specific to guests who are hired to perform? I ask this because I am unsure about the line between a professional artist in preparation for a show and an amiable guest who’s also an artist.

GENTLE READER: There are -- beginning with the rule that guests are not hired to perform.

An artist engaged to perform is there in a professional capacity, and is presumably being paid, though charitable organizations on occasion profess confusion on this nicety. Participating in other aspects of the event may or may not be part of the arrangement, and most artists prefer not to be treated as the hired help even if they are.

Guests who might gather everyone around the piano are in an even more awkward position. They are allowed to refuse when asked to donate their services after a heavy meal and two or three drinks, a fact of which Miss Manners wishes hosts would take more notice. The guest who commandeers an audience without being asked has only himself to blame for whatever happens.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If an individual sends a text message on a topic that could be considered controversial, and a recipient is hurt upon reading it, does the author owe the recipient an apology? Mind you, the author did not intend to hurt the recipient. It was the recipient’s interpretation of what was written that caused the hurt.

GENTLE READER: This sounds to Miss Manners like a group email -- possibly on a political or social topic -- gone wrong.

If so, none of the following will excuse you from responsibility: “It was an email, I didn’t say it to your face”; “I sent it to a lot of people and was not thinking about you specifically”; or, “I didn’t write it -- I was just forwarding what someone else wrote.”

Even if you can clear these hurdles, the recipient was offended. If you wish to retain the recipient as a friend, try to understand what was considered offensive -- and apologize.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone has visited and they leave to go home, is it appropriate for the visitor to call and say that they arrived home OK? Or does the host call the visitor to ask how their journey home was?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette generally says goodnight at the door -- in this case, the host’s door.

Other arrangements may be made if there is concern about the return trip -- airports were known to be backed up, or the guest took a cab because of having had such a good time as to be in no condition to drive.

Miss Manners notes that as a practical matter, it is up to the guest to initiate the call in these cases, as the host would not know the arrival time. If the guest cannot be trusted to make the call, then more drastic measures than a cab may be needed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When people come to your home for the first time for a social engagement, are you supposed to give them a tour of your home?

GENTLE READER: Only if they are moving in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and her family were recently the subjects of an online campaign set up by a friend to benefit them while they go through a very rough surgery with their young daughter. The campaign was very successful, and some donors left their name along with their donation amount.

She is struggling now with how to thank these people for their incredible generosity and support, and has asked me for advice. I have no idea how to handle this. She does not know everyone who donated, let alone their addresses. What is the proper “thank-you” for such a situation?

GENTLE READER: The situation you describe, of benefiting personally from a wide group of benefactors, is becoming more common, whether for causes as urgent as your sister’s or as questionable as the wealthy bride who wants a honeymoon she is not interested in paying for.

One thing they all have in common is that another person -- a friend, a relative or a total stranger -- has done you a kindness, and for this they deserve thanks. People whose names and addresses are known can receive individual thanks, and anonymous donors can be thanked in bulk through the same medium in which their gift was solicited.

Miss Manners is immune to the argument that such an activity is like a formal charity, which values donations by the amount given. And even charities have found the sense in thanking those who contribute to the cause.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I asked a woman I know professionally if she would be interested in getting together for lunch. She said yes, she would enjoy it.

We had a lovely lunch and when the bill came, I suggested we split it. I could tell she was uncomfortable. She suggested I put the bill on my business expense account, and I said it wasn’t a business lunch so I could not do that. What was a very nice lunch became uncomfortable for me.

When you suggest getting together for lunch, is this the same as inviting someone to lunch and paying for it? I’ve done this before and paying separately has never been a problem. Do I owe this woman an apology?

GENTLE READER: It was not unreasonable for the lady to expect that you would pay for lunch. She thought you had extended an invitation and were therefore acting as host. How was she to know that you considered it something less? While an apology would not be unreasonable, Miss Manners would understand if your incidental discovery about her business ethics makes you disinclined to pursue ... whatever you were pursuing initially.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a few people question my home mail deliveries. First, my postman asked me if I worked for the company that sent me so many packages. My neighbor asked if I worked from home because I get so many mail deliveries.

Personally, I do not think I get many deliveries. I get a few packages a week. To me that is not much, but I guess to my postman and neighbor, it is. What is a polite way of answering this question without going into detail about my deliveries?

GENTLE READER: There’s not much going on in your neighborhood, is there?

Of course you should not have to explain or defend your mail. Miss Manners, who is not unfamiliar with the prevalence of nosiness, is only surprised at the subject.

As a response, you could say, “I believe that more and more people are shopping online these days.” Whether that applies to your packages is irrelevant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a retired teacher of creative writing and a blogger offering advice and encouragement on the subject, I am often presented with published books by, and from, former students.

I usually read these literary gifts, which range in quality from punk to pretty good. I try to thank the author, and I can always find something encouraging and enthusiastic to say about their work. Usually the generous author thanks me and goes back to the computer to carry on with writing his or her next book.

Sometimes, though, my kind words force me into a moral dilemma. For example, I recently read a mystery novel by a mediocre writer, and I told the author that I was entertained by her suspenseful yarn.

Her response? She told me I should buy and read the other books in her series and her two standalone mysteries, too. And she urged me to review her books on Amazon.

My dilemma: Should I forget about her request and hope she will let the matter drop, or should I go on Amazon and give this former student of mine the two stars (or fewer) that her novel deserves?

GENTLE READER: Different sets of manners apply here, but your situation keeps changing so rapidly that Miss Manners can hardly blame you or your former students for being confused.

As their teacher, it was your job to criticize their writing. But now they are published authors whose books -- as you understand -- were given to you as presents. That puts you in the nonprofessional, social position of mustering what positive comments you reasonably can, in order to be gracious. In any case, these particular books can no longer profit from your criticism.

But -- aha! -- perhaps their sales could. It is not surprising that this occurred to their authors.

Yet offering public endorsement would mean using the weight of your professional standing. Thus, you should not commit yourself to an evaluation beyond what you believe the books merit.

So yes, the most tactful way to avoid this is to ignore the suggestion. Should you be pressed again, you can honestly say, “Well, I’m no longer your teacher, but I wish you success.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)