DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter has a lot of cats and more than one litter box. One is kept in the spare room, which is where she expects me to sleep if I visit. She thinks I am overreacting to not want to sleep in that room. Is she inconsiderate or am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Unless the occupant is a federal prisoner, it seems reasonable to Miss Manners not to have to share quarters with another occupant’s night soil. If your daughter will not honor your request, then perhaps you can claim a recently developed reaction to ordure (a synonym for bodily waste, but it sounds authentic, doesn’t it?) and ask if she can at least temporarily put it in the bathroom instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, in the past, have been invited to our neighbor’s home for drinks. I always ask if there is anything I can bring, and they always reply with “BYOB.”

What is such an invitation about, if they are going to have us over for drinks and then tell us to BYOB? I find it rude -- and we have been invited again for drinks, with the same reply that we bring our own beverages. It will just be them and my husband and me.

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners for demanding the obvious, but if you do not like the answer, why do you keep asking the question?

She has all but given up on imploring guests to reciprocate invitations by responding in kind, rather than by furnishing the supplies. So while it is certainly odd to ask guests to bring their own drinks to a drinks party, your hosts may well be exhausted from thinking of other things for you to do, and have chosen this as the most obvious solution to a persistent question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What would be an appropriate response to a relative who often points out that we have more money than she does?

She bases her belief on the fact that we travel and states that she can’t afford to take “expensive” trips. (If she were to skip the shopping trips to NYC and ocean cruises, she could afford that river cruise.)

We had a tag sale and she remarked that we should just give items away, because “it’s not like you need the money.” I do not discuss my finances with her, so she is just making assumptions.

GENTLE READER: As are you. The critical difference being that your relative is making these assumptions directly to you -- instead of in a public forum for all to see.

To be clear, Miss Manners does not at all condone your relative’s rude behavior; she is just pointing out the irony. Make a deal with her that you will not judge the way she spends her money, if she does not criticize yours. And then -- at least in public forums -- stick to it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to call another woman’s husband a pet name and leave voicemail messages that start off as “Hi, honey”?

GENTLE READER: Curious as Miss Manners is as to your own part in the aforementioned drama -- wife, husband or other woman -- she is unsure of the identity of the caller, which affects her answer.

The husband’s mother gets a pass, with perhaps some room for a droll, longtime family friend. Other ladies will need either an innocuous pet name or a good explanation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am normally addressed by my last name, or some variation on “Doctor,” and my correspondence has only my initials. Few people call me by my first name or simply my first initial.

I have been engaged in polite correspondence with a business acquaintance, which is blossoming into a friendship. I know that some initial information contained my name, but all follow-up communiques have been via email and did not contain my first name.

On two separate occasions, this person has accidentally emailed and addressed me by the wrong first name. The first was on a condolence note and that did not seem like the time to offer a correction. The second time was recently and on more routine correspondence via email.

I do not wish to give offense, but I would not like to leave the person mistaken in my name. Should I simply add to my next reply the ending of “Sincerely yours, (Correct Name)” and hope the recipient notices? Or in replying to the email, where there will be the previously written text, I could insert a phrase like “Oops, it’s actually (Correct Name).”

GENTLE READER: In the days when people distinguished their co-workers from their friends, one way of signaling the occasional transition from one category to the other was by inviting the person to address you by your first name. Miss Manners recommends reviving the tradition in your case.

If you were to say how much you have enjoyed getting to know your acquaintance better and that you look forward to a long friendship, you could insert a request that they call you by your first name. Since such requests are, today, unusual -- and, in this case, after the fact -- your new friend may pause long enough to learn your real name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is dead. Do I send a sympathy card to the ex-wife? They were married 30-plus years, divorced maybe five years, and have two adult sons handling all the arrangements. I definitely sent cards to the sons, but am not sure about the ex-wife (she has remarried).

GENTLE READER: Unless you were close to the ex-wife, and have reason to know that her feelings about the deceased were such as to cause grief at his death, Miss Manners recommends that you limit your condolences to those whose claims to bereavement are clearer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have gathered from reading your column that one should not ask personal questions of strangers, nor make comments (even positive ones) regarding their appearance. I have also gathered that the response of the approached person should be civil, but not revealing.

How, if at all, is this rule altered when the approaching person is an adult and the approached is a young child?

My nearly 3-year-old child is approached several times on any given outing, with comments about her (fairly ordinary) clothing and questions about her age, name and favorite color. What we have been doing, so far, is to have me answer the questions (more specifically than I prefer, because I don’t know how to word a vague reply) and thank strangers for their compliments while she remains silent.

I would like to teach her an all-purpose sentence that is polite, but discourages further, unwanted conversation. What I believe she would like to convey is, “I appreciate your interest, but my mother and I would prefer to continue our shopping (or conversation, or walk) undisturbed.” Of course, I know that wording is not correct, so I turn to Miss Manners for something better.

GENTLE READER: If you can get your 3-year-old to recite the sentence you propose, Miss Manners suspects you will have no further problems: You will have plenty of time to make a discreet escape while the now-perplexed questioner wonders at her precocious politeness.

Failing that, let your daughter answer the first question naturally, then politely interrupt and apologize, explaining to child and stranger alike that it is time to go.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the most proper method of apologizing to a company that complained -- not to me, or to my team leader, but to the company owner -- that I was unprofessionally emotional while trying to finalize a ridiculously challenging deal? (My first ever, by the way.)

Had they brought their concerns to me, or even just to my team leader, my apology would be sincere, but now it is tainted with resentment. In most cases, I would prefer to do it in person, or even in a written note, but in this case would an email be sufficient?

GENTLE READER: There are many ways to undercut the apology you are delivering. Using a less formal method of communication -- email -- may be less objectionable than a teenager’s delivering it in a sarcastic tone or an adult’s use of a non-apology (“I’m sorry you were offended”).

But whence all this resentment? Miss Manners could not help but notice that you never denied the charge. You excused it, and you object that the complainant jumped too many levels in reporting it. Neither entitles you to respond emotionally.

And given the original offense, Miss Manners would have thought you might wish to plant some doubt with your employer about your propensity to misbehave. A handwritten note will do this more effectively than email, and without the danger that your temper may ruin an in-person apology.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)