DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son has a 3-year-old daughter with his fiancee. His fiancee’s mother and father have been divorced for about 12 years and are on very unfriendly terms.

Because the bride doesn’t want her mother to make a scene on her special day, the bride and my son have chosen to marry with only their daughter, the minister and a witness present.

I love my future daughter-in-law very much. But as the mother of the groom, I am very sad that I will not get to see my only son get married. I feel that the bride’s parents could surely get along for an hour for the sake of their daughter’s happiness.

The couple plan to have a luncheon following the ceremony with immediate family only. The bride’s mother has remarried and will be coming with her current husband and her son. There will be a separate luncheon and shower for the bride’s father’s side of the family.

I understand this will be the bride’s day, but my husband and I feel we are being penalized because of issues between her mother and father. I am really sad. I do not want to add drama to the situation and don’t want to cause any hard feelings between anyone, but I am feeling hurt.

GENTLE READER: That it is “the bride’s day,” with the understanding that therefore she can do whatever she wants, is an expression that Miss Manners loathes. No one should have a day off from being considerate of others, and especially not on a family occasion.

But this poor bride, caught between warring forces, is not asking for self-glorification. She only wants a dignified and peaceful ceremony. And no doubt she knows better than you that her parents could not “surely” get along for an hour.

Presumably, you are included in the luncheon afterward, perhaps even both luncheons. What you can do is what the other parents apparently cannot: Enjoy the occasion without tainting it with any hurt feelings of your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbor asked my daughter to look after their two dogs for a week while they were on vacation. They gave her a very demanding schedule to follow, which she happily complied with. They said they would pay her, but specific amounts were not discussed.

They have been back from vacation for a couple of weeks now and stopped by a few days ago to see how things went. However, they have still not paid her.

How would you suggest she handle this situation? My daughter feels like she has been taken advantage of.

GENTLE READER: As she will continue to be, if she does not learn proper business procedures.

Miss Manners understands that your daughter feels that it would be unseemly for her to ask for payment from the neighbors, with whom you have a sort of social relationship. But once they hired her, a business relationship was established. Then it is not just proper, but expected that she will present a bill for her services, which can be softened with a note about how she was happy to help them. Please encourage her to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a (relatively) large family with five children, in an area where zero to two children is considered normal. Often when we’re out, or in a social setting where we have just introduced ourselves, people will ask whether we are done having children.

To me, that’s really none of their business. I don’t ask about their reproductive health. What would be a good reply?

GENTLE READER: “Well, for today, yes.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A year ago, two lovely girls were killed in a car accident in our neighborhood. This was of course very sad, and people brought flowers, balloons and such to the site of the accident. This seemed appropriate.

But now, a year later, the families are still bringing stuff to the site, and one family is planning to erect a permanent marker there. This seems to me like overkill. It seems to me like the gravesites would be the right places to bring remembrances. Or am I unfeeling? I’m sure Miss Manners will let me know.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but she would share your reluctance to let the bereaved families know. Contrary to the popular belief in “closure,” there is no time limit on such grief.

Why commemoration should take the form of balloons (and often teddy bears, even for grownup victims), Miss Manners has never quite understood. But again -- if it brings comfort, she will not complain.

However, endless focusing on the site of the accident strikes her as an unfortunate way to memorialize two lovely young girls. Surely there was more to remember about their lives than the tragedy of their deaths.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was not invited to my niece’s birthday party. No invitation was sent to myself or my husband because of problems within the family.

Were we wrong for not going to the party that we were not formally invited to? We did not want to show up uninvited and have more problems start at my poor little niece’s party. If we were invited we WOULD have gone.

GENTLE READER: Will you be surprised to hear that Miss Manners does not consider it wrong to refrain from crashing a party to which you were not invited?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I went to dinner with our daughter, granddaughters and daughter’s boyfriend. My husband paid the bill. After leaving the restaurant, I received a text from our daughter’s boyfriend (he has never sent a text to my husband), saying “Sorry, tell your hubby thank you for dinner, please.”

I felt that to be a chauvinistic response, since it was technically both my husband’s and my money paying for the dinner. Where was my thank-you? I felt he should have said “I’m sorry, I forgot to thank you and Jason for dinner. Please pass this on to Jason.“

Am I wrong or overreacting?

GENTLE READER: You might consider overreacting if your daughter is thinking of marrying this person. He seems to think that it is only the husband who represents the family in dispensing hospitality. Miss Manners does not consider it relevant where the money came from or who actually paid the bill.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends (a couple) who bring their dog with them everywhere, including to my house for dinner. On a few occasions, one half of the couple has “shared” some of the appetizers with their “best friend”; the second time around, I commented.

The remark was met with a chilly response. I feel that they can do as they please in their own house with their own food, but at my house, it’s out of line and rude. They also let the dog out for potty breaks, which I’m left to clean up the following day.

Am I being defensive? It is, after all, my home, and I am paying out-of-pocket to entertain. We do have fun, but the hound wasn’t invited to dinner; they were.

GENTLE READER: Invoke the children-at-weddings rule: “Yours are so well-behaved, but then everyone would want to bring theirs, and I am afraid that we are not equipped to accommodate dogs.”

Note that Miss Manners says nothing about the particulars of the dog’s behavior, the modifying of which is a losing battle. Much like the rule with children, better to make a blanket statement about their attendance and leave the specifics of how they are reared to their minders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have wonderful in-laws who visit from out of state several times a year. Each time they stay at least a week and insist on doing all the cooking and cleaning. They insist that I stay out of the kitchen so that I can rest and enjoy time with the kids. (Both my husband and I work full-time.)

While this is greatly appreciated, the problem arises when they leave. For weeks afterward, I struggle to locate dishes, silverware and other cookware. Sometimes I only discover a particular piece has been put in the wrong place when I am in immediate need of it (for example, needing to quickly drain a pot of pasta only to discover my colander is not where it is supposed to be). And all goodwill I have from their visit disappears when I am elbow-deep in hot, soggy pasta.

When they are here, I do slip into the kitchen as often as I can, but they insist on doing the dishes and putting everything away. How can I let them know politely that while I truly appreciate their efforts, I do not want them to put anything away?

GENTLE READER: How about striking a deal? They cook, you clean. Or vice versa, and you can sneak in some cleaning as you go.

You could even involve -- or invoke -- the children, saying, “At least let the children help out. We are trying to teach them responsibility, just as you have done so beautifully with your son. If we all do it together, then we will have more time to enjoy the visit with you as well.”

But if this method fails, Miss Manners recommends you give in to the soggy pasta. Surely its inconvenience is far better than a riff with your in-laws.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)