DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an American married to an Englishman who is a college professor, and who has lived in this country for about 35 years. I will be moving with him to England when we retire.

My husband, who is from a lower middle-class background like myself, has been knighted! He still answers his office phone as “Pete Smith.” He never corrects people in the way they address him. The name on his business cards is “Peter Smith, Ph.D.,” plus a string of other letters including his knighthood, but of course most Americans can’t make heads or tails of that.

I admire his modesty, yet, perversely, I want to be “Lady Smith.” Will Miss Manners allow me to get away with this? If so, how?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, honors do not come with instructions for use, but your husband has the right instinct. In class-stratified societies, such as England, it is considered, well, low-class to refer to oneself using one’s title. And in an officially classless society, such as the United States, citizens do not use titles.

That said, Miss Manners would like to indulge your amusing yearning. Perhaps your own field of expertise is 19th-century British literature, and you grew fond of its designations.

Her advice is to make a little joke of it: “Well, actually, that’s Lady Smith, but you can call me Pamela.” Or, “Technically, I’m a lady, so I try to behave myself.” Or, “Sir Peter, I’m afraid it’s time for us to go home.”

Someone is bound to ask you what you mean. Then you, too, can be modest, and say, “Well, of course it’s not something we make a point of, but we do tease Pete about becoming a knight.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The former office manager in the medical office that I work in has terminal pancreatic cancer. She is not doing well at all, sadly, and we are told she could pass any day now.

My co-worker is very close with her, and our former boss knows how much my co-worker loves to give out cards and how very important the birthdays of her loved ones are. Our former office manager’s birthday is coming up, and those of us in the office would love to let her know that we are thinking of her by giving her a birthday card.

However, we are uncertain as to what the correct protocol would be in a situation like this. Is it considered rude or disrespectful to show celebration of the birth of someone we care about when her life is so close to being cut short?

GENTLE READER: Cards are written by strangers. And while people may enjoy finding one that is particularly appropriate to the targeted recipient, or just sending a conventional statement with an illustration, these are form messages.

What you want to say to your co-worker is not a mere “Happy birthday,” which could indeed seem callous, but “We’re all thinking of you on your birthday, and we miss you.”

So Miss Manners recommends finding a pretty blank card and writing that out.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I decided to hyphenate our names when we were married. However, people still address me, both in person and in writing, as “Emily Jones” or “Mrs. John Jones,” even though my preferred title is “Ms. Smith-Jones.”

When this happens, I usually smile and say “Actually, it’s Smith-Jones.” Most people apologize and immediately begin using the correct name from that point forward, but some continue to refer to both me and my husband as “The Jones Family” or “Mr. and Mrs. Jones.”

What can I say or do to get people to call me by my name?

GENTLE READER: Not much. Miss Manners advises that you accept that these people are either forgetful, or are slaves to the patriarchy and trying to keep you down. (She suspects that you have concluded the latter, and cautions you against invoking any subtext or smugness in that initial, smiling correction.)

In any case, pressing the matter beyond your smiling correction is likely to result in an unpleasant and ultimately futile conversation.

There are so many possible name combinations in modern-day use that it is difficult to keep track. And while that does not mean that we should not all still make the effort, slip-ups should be forgiven, probably ignored and definitely excused without taking offense. So introduce yourself and sign your preferred name, but resist correcting anyone more than once.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend from high school who has become a professional artist in NYC. I haven’t spoken to him in years and we were never particularly close, but I’ve been following his career through our Facebook friendship and I genuinely love some of his work.

I like it so much, in fact, that I am considering purchasing a piece. However, I have no idea what it’s worth and I don’t know the right way to broach the subject.

I’ve never bought art before, and don’t know what to offer or how to ask. I don’t know what any of it has sold for. I’m afraid if I offer too little he’ll be offended, but I’m also afraid he’ll tell me it’s worth more than I can afford, which would also be embarrassing. How should I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Ask him. This is a business transaction and not a social one -- an important distinction that Miss Manners finds more frequently violated in the reverse (with hapless co-workers forced to socialize in the name of “good business”).

If your friend is truly a professional artist, then he is used to these proceedings. Or would dearly like to be. Tell him that you have fallen in love with one of his pieces and want to purchase it. Then ask him how much it is.

If it is out of your price range, tell him so. There is no shame in this. But if it also inadvertently turns into a bargaining tactic, so be it. Attention to the social situation merely dictates that you just not enter the negotiation with that intent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I seem to be unable to come up with a polite, conversation-ending response to aggressive sales associates in stores who push you to open the store’s credit card. I understand that they are directed to ask by the store management, and I also know they are usually incentivized to do so.

This weekend, a salesperson was harassing the older woman in front of me who was paying cash for a large purchase -- at her husband’s direction, she explained (uncomfortably) to the clerk. The clerk responded that her husband didn’t need to know she opened the account! Without missing a beat, she next pressured me to open an account too, to save $6.

The salespeople do not know anything about the customer standing in front of them. For all they know, that person knows she will be declined for more credit.

I make a decent living, manage my finances well and consolidate my purchases to a single credit card that provides the most benefits for me. None of this is their business, they aren’t owed any explanations about my decision, and they should accept a “no.”

I have tried politely saying ”No, thank you,” and “No, but thank you for asking.” I’ve restated that I plan to use the card I first indicated. I’ve joked about how too much debt helped get us into a recession. I’ve responded rudely to the pushiest of clerks on occasion, knowing Miss Manners would never approve. However, they -- and the stores they work for -- remain undeterred, aggressive and insulting.

Any other suggestions, Miss Manners, for stopping these rude intruders?

GENTLE READER: Pushy salespeople (who are in turn being pushed by their employers) rely on the common misunderstanding that it is rude not to engage the person in front of you in conversation.

At a social gathering, this is true. At a department store checkout counter, with impatient shoppers standing behind you, it is not.

So long as they keep you talking, they believe -- as do you, apparently -- that you will eventually run out of excuses and accede to their demands.

Do not give up. Miss Manners does not have additional suggestions because none are needed. Even the pushiest clerk will grow discouraged after the third or fourth tight-lipped repetition of “Thank you. No.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ask a friend over for a glass of wine and she always responds with “Please come for dinner at my house.” There are reasons I don’t want to have dinner there and I’m not sure how to tell her that I think it’s rude to turn the invitation around.

GENTLE READER: Curious as she is as to the reasons you do not wish to dine at your friend’s house, Miss Manners has a simple alternative to criticizing a friend’s manners: Turn the invitation back. This is particularly easy if other guests are involved: “That would be lovely sometime, but I’d already planned this.” Failing that, you will simply have to have plans after the offered drink that preclude another engagement.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)