DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I invited longtime neighbors to an informal dinner party, called for 6:30 p.m. The evening progressed nicely until after 10 p.m., when my wife was washing dishes in the kitchen and the guests were all seated in the dining room.

Finally at 11 p.m., well after the table had been cleared, one of the guests decided to excuse himself for the evening, and the balance of the group decided to call it a night. Is there any protocol that you would suggest for politely ending such a gathering at a time convenient for the hosts?

GENTLE READER: Guests who do not take the hostess's washing the dishes as a blatant indication that she has had enough of their company are as unsubtle as she.

Moving guests away from the table after dinner -- for coffee in the living room -- should plant the idea that the evening is approaching its end by giving them a passing view of the exit. If not, it is an enjoyable progression in its own right.

It is also a good idea to ensure that one of the guests is a close friend who can be relied upon to stand up, stretch, and say what a lovely time it was, but it's late and time to go. Too many people are (unnecessarily) embarrassed to leave first. In extremis, Miss Manners has known hosts to plead an outside commitment -- accompanied by profuse apologies -- although this may require some creativity at 11 o'clock at night.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My significant other, "Sean," has a sister, "Jessica." Several years ago, she married a man with two grown daughters, who have become part of Sean's extended family.

One of the daughters, "Olivia," recently had a baby, to the delight of the entire family on both sides. Sean and I sent a gift for the baby shortly after she was born. Two months later, we received the following text message from Jessica: "Hi! So Olivia wanted me to let you know that she isn't going to get her thank-you cards out but loves your gift."

I am at a loss as to how to respond to that. I'm extremely disappointed that the gift acknowledgment and/or thank-you did not come directly from the gift recipient, or in this case, the baby's parents. I assume that Jessica considers this second-hand acknowledgment appropriate, as does Olivia. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Jessica may or may not agree with Olivia's behavior, although Miss Manners acknowledges that the casual nature of her acknowledgment hints that she does.

But it is equally possible that she has thanked you not because her stepdaughter asked her to, but because she is distraught that the stepdaughter did not do so herself. Olivia, not Jessica, is the guilty party, a fact that is easy to convey when you respond: "Thanks for letting me know. I was going to check that it was delivered because I was worried that I hadn't heard anything from Olivia."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it customary to put return postage on envelopes for RSVPs in invitations, or does one expect that the guest should pay for his or her own postage for the return? It seems that if I expect the invitee to send the card back, I should make it as convenient as possible.

GENTLE READER: Maybe you should also enclose a pre-inked stamp offering the choice of yes or no (or thumbs up or thumbs down, if that's easier on the eyes), and a tiny vial of water so your guests would not be put to the trouble of licking the envelope.

Miss Manners roundly condemns people who are so rude as to fail to respond to invitations. But she finds it exasperating when the injured hosts ascribe excuses and pathetic when they think of how to placate them.

The response card itself was invented as one such pathetic attempt. As if initiating a response were an unreasonably onerous task, compared to, say, the job of planning for the pleasure and refreshment of others.

Surely you do not think that people of good will simply ignore those who are offering to entertain them because of the difficulty in finding or affixing a stamp. And anyone who thinks of bringing up the cost might consider the value received from the host.

What errant guests actually admit is that they don't respond because they don't know if they will feel like going when the time comes. Then they will just show up or not. An equally rude variation on this is to accept the invitation but not consider it binding.

So making it easier is not likely to help. It is those guests who make it harder on the host, who must keep prompting to get answers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is getting married in September and has chosen not to have a traditional rehearsal dinner. His father and I are going to pay for his wedding dinner and brunch the morning after. We also want to invite our out-of-towners and bridal party for cocktails and appetizers the night before the wedding.

The restaurant is happy to accommodate us for dinner. But I don't know how to create an invitation that invites our friends and family to join us after the cocktail hour and to have dinner on their own. Do you have some great copy on how to do this delicately, along with a response card so that I can get a count for the restaurant?

I want this to be a celebration for the bride and groom and not worry about the additional costs associated with the dinner.

GENTLE READER: This is a situation that could work out easily, when your guests see that you are staying on to dinner, and might naturally ask to join you. Or they might just make their own reservations.

Miss Manners understands that you are doing a lot in connection with this wedding, and has no complaint about your ending your hospitality that evening with the cocktail party, while still being available for further conviviality for whoever chooses to hang around. She would only like to disabuse you of the notion that you can act as hosts while delegating that worry about the cost to people you call guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Early in the school year, we received a request from the advancement director of the parochial school where our son attends kindergarten, requesting the addresses of his grandparents. The initial correspondence suggested that the school was looking to "build relationships" and hoping to invite grandparents into the school for various activities with the students.

With the grandparents' permission, I provided the school with their addresses, and the grandparents subsequently received an invitation for a Grandparents Day event months ago. Now, long after that event, the grandparents report that they received a letter from the school requesting donations.

Does this qualify as "building relationships"? Isn't this more or less a tacky bait-and-hook scheme? Am I wrong to be offended?

When I request that the grandparents' contact information be removed from the school's database, should I explain why?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, Miss Manners has found that people are reluctant to define a relationship as anything but a financial transaction. (Look at how many people don't consider themselves married unless they spend thousands on an over-the-top wedding reception.)

By all means, let the school know why you are requesting that your parents' information be removed. They should be aware that when you provide contact information for specific events, those are not blanket invitations to ask for money:

"I'm afraid my parents were not expecting to be solicited for fundraising. If it is possible to keep them only on the grandparent social events list, then they are happy to remain there. But if there are not separate lists, kindly remove them, and I will let them know about any pertinent social events for the school."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to scream in a shrill voice in crowds? I am so tired of having my eardrum ruptured by screaming girls and women at social events.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it is also presumptuous to assume that those shrill voices are limited to one gender.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have lived in this neighborhood for over 30 years, and many of our neighbors have lived here for over 40 years. As you have surmised, we are all older than dirt.

Over the years we have done many favors for the neighbors, like taking in mail or feeding cats when they are out of town, and were glad to do these favors.

Now some people are getting to the point that they cannot stay in their houses without sustained weekly help -- and they expect us to provide this help. I feel that I created this expectation by gladly doing so much in the past, and their feelings will be hurt if I draw the line.

But I want to draw the line. How do I handle this?

GENTLE READER: By stating that you are similarly older than dirt and don't have the energy or means. As a kinder way to do this, Miss Manners suggests: "Oh, I'm afraid we don't feel properly equipped to help you with the frequency and manner you require. Perhaps we can help you look into a service that checks in on you and does errands on a weekly basis. We may need the same service ourselves someday soon, so we would be happy to help do the research."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)