DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years now, my spouse has "played around." I do not believe he has had any feelings toward the objects of his lust; it is more the thrill of the hunt. I have kept quiet for the duration of his disrespect of our relationship, but now my anger is at the boiling point.

Disregarding my obvious emotional handicaps in having not addressed this earlier, do I just look at him over the dinner table and unleash my rage? Or has the statute of limitations expired on that?

GENTLE READER: Has it expired on your rage? While tirelessly polite even in the most trying of circumstances, Miss Manners would not presume to deprive you of expressing your understandable and generously built-up anger.

The more important question here is what you plan to do after the explosion. If you intend to stay with your husband and think that things may change by this outburst -- or at least make you feel better about the situation -- then let loose.

However, if you are planning on leaving him, it might be more effective to write a well-worded note -- preferably from your lawyer -- and save your passion for a worthier gentleman.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don't know how to ask guests politely not to clink glasses during a toast, when I've set good crystal (really, really good crystal).

My husband gets embarrassed if I tell anyone how to do anything; he says it can sound like I'm chastising him or others, and I don't want to sound that way. However, we are not in any financial position to prioritize replacing broken crystal over, say, impending retirement savings, and these are my family glasses that I'd love my grown son to have one day.

What do I say, short of embroidering a sign or having tacky coasters made that say:

"Raise a glass but please don't clink

"The crystal is old, might develop a chink."

GENTLE READER: Congratulations to your crystal for making it this far. Reasonable breakage is a natural consequence of hospitality.

But while Miss Manners loves an antiquated custom, clinking glasses is a particularly barbaric one. It is rooted in the idea that one should beware a host's inclination to administer poison. If they are willing to exchange the contents of their glasses, then they must be trustworthy.

Which raises the question: Why are you drinking with someone who is trying to poison you? But far be it for Miss Manners to admonish a show of good behavior over true intent. However, she digresses.

She sees your only polite option, other than avoiding celebrations and toasting all together, is saying, when initiating a toast, "Let's raise a glass," indicating strongly that they should not be clinked. And if you are not the initiator, a hearty "Hear! Hear!" with your glass raised high, rather than clinked -- and deliberately bad aim toward anyone else who tries -- should set an example.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it appropriate to wear yoga pants?

GENTLE READER: Well, not at Pilates. Unless you are looking to start a (very calm and core-centered) war.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help me to learn the proper way to eat a cupcake, as I will be attending a few parties where they will be served.

GENTLE READER: Remove any wrapper. Eat -- placing the cupcake at an angle that minimizes the buildup of chocolate frosting on your nose. Apply napkin.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I are struggling with entertaining members of the extended family -- our children's in-laws, and, from time to time, our siblings' spouses, who are used to a "camping style" lifestyle.

Must we adhere to their level of such informality at OUR houses when entertaining them?

In an effort to accommodate them, we completely scale back on the crystal and sterling and opt for stainless and regular glass, everyday china and only glasses we need, but like to draw the line at ketchup bottles, plastic bowls, etc., at the dinner table.

Our children say that our more formal (we call it proper!) way of dining makes their in-laws and spouses uncomfortable, even at holiday time. The in-laws say, and I quote, "I'm not even going to try and compete with you!" when we go to their homes.

This is NOT a competition -- it's just how we were raised! Cloth napkins, salad fork, dinner fork, nice table setting, serving pieces for food, etc.

So is "dumbing down" necessary, or is there a way to make it known to our children that their in-laws should not be uncomfortable with our lifestyle, just as we are not uncomfortable with theirs in our respective homes?

GENTLE READER: The importance that many people attach to "being comfortable" is matched only by their high-minded horror at hypocrisy. But Miss Manners fears that pointing out the hypocrisy of using etiquette as a cover for making you do what they want all the time will get you nowhere. Better to explain that you are more comfortable with silver and cloth napkins in your own home, and turn a deaf ear to any muttered accusations of being "old-fashioned."

She is curious why you would normally set out glasses you don't need. Are some members of the family particularly clumsy?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance has a pet peeve over lip smacking when someone eats, and points it out to me just about every time I eat around him. He is the first person to have ever mentioned this to me, and is also the first to mention that it bothers him.

While I try to tone it down, it is more of a subconscious habit and is not something I am aware of (or even hear) that I am doing until he says something.

It has gotten to the point where I don't want to eat around him! I am also starting to find that his mentioning it is nearly as rude as my doing it. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That, as he is rapidly getting to the point where he doesn't want to eat around you, you occupy separate tables at your wedding reception.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of a friend, who I see at some social events, does an odd thing. She will ask a question that is quite rude and none of her business, but add "I'm nosy" or "I'm rude" at the end. For example, she asked another guest, "When is that husband of yours going to get you pregnant? I'm nosy."

The idea, apparently, is that rudeness is acceptable when the person admits it ahead of time. What is the appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: "Evidently."

Miss Manners advises that this be said with a sympathetic smile and followed by silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love seeing ladies in films wearing gloves, and despite current fashion, want to bring them into my daily wear. I feel femininity never goes out of style.

Aside from challenging a gentleman to a duel, when does a lady remove her gloves?

GENTLE READER: Actually it drives Miss Manners crazy to see gloved ladies in period films, plays and operas. They almost always keep them on while eating, drinking or even smoking. Eeeew.

The general rule was (and there is no need to repeal it, as most ladies have long since peeled off their gloves) that gloves were always worn outdoors and almost never indoors. As a result, ladies had to be adept in carrying their gloves while enjoying non-abstemious indoor activities.

The exceptions when gloves might be worn indoors included occasions such as getting married and/or dancing. And for safety's sake, Miss Manners advises wearing gauntlets for duels that are fought indoors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were very close friends with a couple for many years. We moved away, but stayed in touch and, in the past few years, were able to visit. Six months ago, when we were visiting their city, they said that they had no friends.

Alas, the husband died suddenly of a stroke five months ago. I know that the wife has no siblings or parents left.

I have sent her a formal sympathy note and three more casual follow-ups. I wrote a poem in his memory. It seems almost like stalking, but I remember how bereft she was when her sister died and felt that sympathy was not sufficiently extended (in general -- I don't think she was pointing the finger at me).

I don't want to permit her to think that we are not feeling a lot of sympathy for her having lost her husband of almost 50 years. Yet her silence indicates that either our overtures are unwanted, or that her condition is so bad that she is emotionally overwhelmed.

When does an old friend stop reaching out? I do not want to continue down an upsetting path, nor do I wish to appear insensitive.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, the lady should have acknowledged your great show of sympathy. Miss Manners does not generally accept bereavement as an excuse for ignoring kindness. On the contrary, responding is a way of representing the deceased, as well as encouraging continuing friendship, of which this lady is apparently in special need.

But please do give it a last try, this time by calling or visiting, as your generous correspondence has unfortunately failed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)