DEAR MISS MANNERS: In these days, where one must rely on technical support given over the telephone in order to repair a problem, what is the proper etiquette when one cannot understand the person giving the technical information? Especially if you are being charged for that information?

GENTLE READER: "I am so sorry, but we seem to have a bad connection -- and with all of this technical language, I am unable to understand you. Could we do a written chat instead, or is there someone else with whom I can talk?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I just had a baby (our first). We were obviously very excited, as were most of our family. However, my father-in-law has not shown the level of excitement we would have expected.

My father-in-law has not gotten us or our daughter a gift or even a card. He did visit briefly while my wife was in the hospital.

When my wife's sister had their first child, my father-in-law had a custom dresser made by a furniture maker. This dresser is easily a $700 to $1,000 piece of furniture.

My wife is starting to take this personally. It is becoming part of a long-standing situation in which my father-in-law discounts everything accomplished by my wife because her older sister has already done it. I want to say something to him but don't know that it is my place.

GENTLE READER: Are you really hoping to get into the middle of an age-old fight about which sister your father-in-law prefers?

While Miss Manners sympathizes with your disappointment in what you deem lesser treatment, really your only solid complaint is that you didn't get the $1,000 piece of furniture. Your father-in-law did acknowledge the new baby -- even if it was not with the measure of excitement you would have liked.

Asking why you didn't get the goods ("but Bethany did!") is not a polite grievance. You could, however, ask for the gift of his company -- and make concrete plans to arrange for it. Then if he still doesn't comply, you may wonder aloud what you or your wife did to upset him. But only if you are genuinely prepared to hear the answer, which may not be reasonable or pleasant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I liked your advice to the person who may not be able to afford a big restaurant party to invite friends over for tea and cake instead. I always get carried away with big ideas that I can't afford. I forget that one can still be hospitable and generous without spending a lot of money.

Do you have any other similar ideas for someone on a budget?

GENTLE READER: The underlying idea is to invite people at times when meals are not expected: midmorning coffee, afternoon tea, or after another event, such as the theater. Miss Manners has noticed that even the greatest food snobs consider scrambled eggs to be a great treat when served at midnight.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked for a bank for many years. We were required to greet customers as soon as they entered the door.

The reason was very sensible: Bank robbers do not want to be recognized. They assume, correctly, that if you see them before they terrorize you, you will be able to describe them. What does Miss Manners think?

GENTLE READER: She has no objection to polite methods of ferreting out potential criminals. Miss Manners only hopes that the greeter keeps the intrusiveness of his greeting below a point that might terrorize the customers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our office has given a particular person gifts three different times. First was a baby shower gift (which was actually one large gift from the office and many separate gifts from individuals). Second, a floral arrangement was sent when the baby was delivered. Third, due to Administrative Assistant Week, another floral arrangement was sent to the same person.

This person has yet to acknowledge or thank the office or individuals in any form or fashion for any of the gifts or flowers. Since I'm the one who normally takes care of making sure that gifts are bought and flowers ordered, I have the office coming to me asking if there was a thank-you card or note from said person.

How do you approach this? Do you confront the person and say people want to know if you liked the gift/gifts? Or do you stop sending something to someone who seems so unappreciative?

GENTLE READER: You might tell the recipient that you are getting such questions. But be prepared if the answer is, "Oh, tell everyone I liked them a lot." Or "a bit." Or "not at all." People who disdain etiquette often think that brutal frankness is an adequate substitute.

Miss Manners does not condone civilians chastising one another about their manners, but when it has reached this point, she does not object to a neutrally worded suggestion that you yourself send thank-you notes, and that people appreciate receiving them, matters that your co-worker might consider.

However, she does point out a possible confusion about gifts that were sent by "the office" or in the passive voice. To whom are thanks due for such gifts? But after she adds this to the list of reasons why she does not like office gifting, Miss Manners has a solution.

What your co-worker should have done was to follow her benefactors' lead in issuing her thanks. A personal present from an individual requires a hand-written individual thank-you. A gift presented at a party on behalf of a roomful of people can be acknowledged with a verbal thank-you to everyone at the party either individually or, acoustics and topography permitting, all at once. A group gift delivered at home (or tossed in an inbox at work) can be acknowledged with a card posted in the lunchroom or an email.

Miss Manners agrees that those who are not thanked cannot reasonably be expected to participate in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a charity fundraising dinner by "Rich Friend 1." This is not an event I was otherwise planning to attend because of the cost, although I make a modest financial contribution annually to that charity and provide many hours of manual labor for it as well (between 50 and 60 hours a year).

A few days later, another lady who was a paying attendee, "Rich Friend 2," asked me how much I had donated during the event. Fortunately our conversation was interrupted and I did not have to reply. She pressed the question on me again a few days after that, and did so in front of mutual friends.

My response was a smile and "I can't imagine why that's important to you, but in any case I was very pleased with how much was raised." She then said Rich Friend 1 would like to know also. I then said, "Hmmm, she hasn't asked me." Rich Friend 2 then told me that a guest at a charity dinner is expected to donate money, which makes me think she already knew that I had not donated on that occasion.

I smiled again and said that I had not been her guest and truly feel it is my business (read: not your business) how much I donate to charity.

Is Rich Friend 2 correct that an invited non-paying guest to a charity event is expected to donate money at the event? Am I off base for finding Rich Friend 2's question rude and not one that required me to divulge the information requested? If Rich Friend 1 asks me the same question, what would be an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: Your friends are not very charitable, are they? Not to mention being inhospitable and nosy.

Although guests may be invited to such events in the hope that they will become interested in the charity, there is no charge for being a guest. And you are already a donor, not just of money, but more significantly, of your time.

Miss Manners' advice, then, is to continue deflecting rude interrogations, and perhaps to run with a better crowd.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What would Miss Manners advise people do if a tornado warning were to be announced during a wedding/party/etc.?

GENTLE READER: Seek shelter. Etiquette does not require people to stand on ceremony when they are likely to be blown away.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was always taught that a formal invitation should be mailed. Am I being too picky?

GENTLE READER: Not picky enough, actually. If you are going to cite tradition without allowing for practicality, then you need to know the full history.

When postal services came into widespread use, the picky people of the time argued that it was wrong, if not vulgar, to use it for delivering formal invitations. They were taught that the only proper delivery method was hand delivery by a footman who could return with the response.

Presumably, they tried to pass on this teaching, but it did not take, especially not among those who lacked their own footmen. Miss Manners does not advise you to enter this argument.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)