DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a box of candy that has paper holders, do you take the wrapper and candy, or do you just take the candy and leave the wrapper?

GENTLE READER: Take the paper, as it will reduce the necessity to lick your fingers later. Miss Manners says this on practical, more than etiquette, grounds because she assumes that the chocolate will be more correctly dressed (meaning, in this case, undressed) at a formal function.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a pet peeve that I would like to call my generation's attention to. When I show you a picture on my cellphone, I mean for you to see ONLY the picture that I carefully selected.

I am not giving you permission to scroll left and right in search of other pictures, related or otherwise. If I want to show you another, then I will scroll for you. It isn't that I have incriminating evidence on my phone, but I don't appreciate an invasion of my privacy.

Should I just firmly hold on to my own phone when a friend wants a closer look from now on? How would you suggest handling people who think your phone pictures are a public album? By the way, this has happened a number of times with different people, and was not an isolated event.

GENTLE READER: In the days of wallet photos, it was easy to take a baby picture out and hand it to a friend for admiration without running the risk that he would help himself to your cash. Technology has now improved our lives to the point that he can also read your correspondence, check your schedule, and find out what you have been reading.

Miss Manners agrees that handing over a cellphone should not be taken as an invitation to shop, but she also understands your friends' confusion, and suggests that you retain possession. The same device can be used to send the picture in question -- and only the picture in question -- to your friend's phone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper or good manners that, when a person is complimented, they return the favor and find something complimentary to say back?

GENTLE READER: As the polite version of the schoolyard retort "You're another"?

Generally, it looks too much like repaying a debt before it can accumulate interest. Miss Manners recommends letting the conversation go on a bit after thanking the complimenter, and then finding something quite different to praise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The private golf club where I work requires that associates address members as Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr. Surname. Quite often, the member will ask me to call him or her by their given name.

How do I respond professionally without falling back on "It is a job requirement"?

GENTLE READER: The sad part is that those who put you in this embarrassing predicament believe that they are flattering you. But what they are really doing is flattering themselves -- partly that they are being egalitarian, and mostly that they are too young to be addressed formally.

The easiest response is simply to say, "It's against the club rules." But if you don't want to do that, Miss Manners suggests saying politely, "If we meet socially, of course, but not on the job."

This is a quiet way of exposing the fake egalitarianism, because the member is unlikely to ask you to the bar for a drink after your shift. For good measure, you might add "sir" or "madam" to the statement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it socially acceptable for someone to have a benefit and ask people to donate to their college education?

GENTLE READER: Apparently there are a lot of social circles composed of those who are eager to pay one another's bills. Miss Manners has never met a person like that, but she often hears from those who plan such events, and they are clearly under the impression that their acquaintances -- and, indeed, strangers, whom they hope to reach electronically -- are clamoring to do so.

The best way to judge the acceptability of such a request is to ask yourself how you would react upon receiving it. Would you be charmed to be invited to pay someone else's college tuition?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a midsized department, where everyone has their own office. Often, people will bring in all kinds of treats. When these are placed in a common space, this is wonderful. However, occasionally someone will actually go from office to office, offering the goodies.

What should one do if one does not wish to partake of said treats? I am afraid of refusing for fear of offending, yet do not like the idea of taking the treat and then throwing it out.

Sometimes, actually quite often, I enjoy indulging in these goodies. But sometimes they are not on my "favorites" list, and I would rather pass. Several of us in the office have this problem. What is the best way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: What business are you in, Miss Manners wonders, where the employees might be emotionally damaged if someone declined having one of their cookies?

The phrase you are searching for is "No, thank you." Expanded, if the person lingers, it would be "They look delicious, but I'm afraid I'll have to pass this time." In the unlikely event that this brings on a torrent of tears, your next inquiry would be to find out what else is wrong.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a petite woman (5 foot 2) and have a problem stowing my carry-on luggage in the compartments above the seats, as I am generally unable to lift my suitcase and deposit it into the overhead. Even worse is getting it out without its falling on someone's head!

In general, I will wait until the passengers behind me have deplaned, and then I ask the tallest flight attendant for help, or I will ask a taller fellow passenger.

I used to simply check my luggage, but now most airlines charge quite a bit for it, and I prefer not to bill my clients for checking an extra bag due only to my problem reaching it.

As I fly frequently, both domestically and internationally, this issue comes up quite a bit. I am slightly embarrassed, to be honest, as I look around for a tall person to help me, but I don't know what else to do. As I generally carry a handbag, that item goes under my seat, so there is no extra room under there for a carry-on suitcase.

The other issue is the grocery store, where I frequently am unable to reach top shelves or shelves where items are toward the back of the shelf. Again, I find it embarrassing to have to go looking for someone taller to assist me.

I don't know if you have any advice, as I feel there may be no alternatives and I should be happy that my stature is my only handicap, but I seriously was thinking recently that I should respond to the boarding call of those passengers needing extra assistance getting on the plane. Would this be too much? Or should I ask in advance for help?

GENTLE READER: What would your affliction be? That you are vertically challenged?

Being herself of a somewhat diminutive height (but large in personality), Miss Manners has a certain sympathy, but if every passenger pleaded special circumstances, demanding early boarding on airlines, they would never even get to calling Group 1.

Oh wait, that problem already exists.

Make your best effort to store your overhead luggage or reach high grocery shelves yourself, looking as pathetic and humbled as you can muster while doing so. Miss Manners feels certain that someone will come to your rescue -- if for no other reason that no one wants to get bonked on the head by low-flying cargo.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When having a get-together with friends, i.e., card club, craft night, book club, Bible study, and each participant brings a dish to share, when the evening is done and there is food left over, who gets it?

Does the one who hosted the get-together get to keep any and all food not eaten? Or does the one who brought the dish get to take home any uneaten food that they bought to share?

GENTLE READER: The one who brought the dish gets to take home the serving ware, with the option of scraping whatever is sticking to the bottom, offering it to the hostess, or taking it home. Miss Manners just doesn't want to hear of an evening of Bible study followed by a squabble over the leftovers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)