DEAR MISS MANNERS: In our group of friends, we have two guys that we assume are dating but who aren't confirming anything, even though their affection toward each other is really obvious.

Is it rude if we ask them about their relationship? Or do we just keep quiet and wait until they admit it themselves?

GENTLE READER: Why do you need to know? Especially as they do not feel the need to tell you?

At best, anticipating other people's announcements deprives them of the pleasure of doing so themselves. At worst, wrong guesses cause embarrassment.

Therefore, Miss Manners bans all such questions, including "Are you pregnant?" "Did you get into your first-choice college?" "When are you two getting married?" and "Haven't you found a job yet?" She asks you to be patient; your friends will either tell you, or they will not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a large bookstore, part of a multinational chain. We provide a limited number of chairs, which customers may use to examine their books before, one hopes, buying them.

It is not uncommon for our customers to remove their shoes while they relax in these chairs. I hope I don't have to explain why this disturbs me, my co-workers and, I assume, other customers.

Unfortunately, my employer (that is, the chain, not the management of my store) has what they deem a "Just Say Yes!" philosophy of customer service, and will not be amenable to something as simple as a "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" sign, or the equivalent.

But if I can find a polite but clever and (at least nominally) inoffensive way of suggesting that people keep their shoes on, I do not have much fear of retribution from my immediate supervisors. Anything I say can't reference store policy, or the like. What would you suggest saying?

GENTLE READER: "Watch out for staples and paper clips."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have found websites where I can generate my own thank-you notes (I pick out the card, type the message, etc.), and the website prints the cards with my message and mails it directly to the recipient.

It may start out electronic, but the recipient ends up with a printed card with my personal message, even if it is not in my own handwriting. Do you feel this is still personal enough, or should I stick with the traditional note cards in my own handwriting?

GENTLE READER: As you realize, this is not quite as personal as it would be if you wrote your thanks in your own hand on a piece of paper and mailed it. It doubtless also costs slightly more in both time and money to engage a service. Why people assume they come out ahead by farming out such a simple task, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who is the boss of the airplane window?

I happen to enjoy sitting next to the window so I can look out at the scenery below and because looking out helps me feel less claustrophobic. However, many people prefer the cabin nice and dark so they can look at their various devices.

At 8 a.m. on a long flight, a woman asked me to shut my window. I explained that I liked it at least halfway up as it helped me feel less claustrophobic. She summoned the flight attendant and got that woman to insist that I shut my window completely. Not wishing to cause trouble at 10,000 feet, I complied, becoming bored and anxious.

Conversely, when I am in an aisle seat, is it rude to ask the stranger next to me to raise the shade, especially when landing?

So who is in charge? The person sitting right by the window, or everyone else on a plane?

GENTLE READER: The person seated by the window -- with limitations, of course. After all, the person on the aisle is in charge of access to the bathroom, but would be wrong to deny you yours. Compromises must be made.

In order to fend off future scuffles, Miss Manners suggests that you politely inform your travel companions of your window preferences as soon as you are seated. But if their preferences are more pressing than yours, then you should oblige.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have lived in my neighborhood for 26 years. One of my neighbors, who has also lived here for 26 years, built a new home four miles away. It has been five months since the move, and no one has been invited over to see her new home.

I thought that she would be having a housewarming party at some point in time, but I did send a new-home card with a gift card to a local nursery right after the move.

Another neighbor saw her and asked when she could come to see her new house. The reply was, "When I have my going-away party."

We do not know how to fix this. We have always had going-away parties for people moving out of state for their jobs, but never just to move to a new home nearby. This neighbor did have a party for a couple next door to her who were moving because they were getting divorced.

Should we have given her a going-away party for moving four miles away? We have still gone to lunch with her, gone to dinner with them, had the couple over for bonfires and included her in showers.

GENTLE READER: Watch out for people who demand that parties be given for them.

But "whoops!" you are one of them. Your now-somewhat-more-distant neighbor is sulking because she was not given a farewell party. And you are complaining that she isn't giving a housewarming party.

Miss Manners would call that a draw. As the neighbors continue to include the former neighbor socially, the test will be whether she reciprocates that sort of hospitality, not whether either of you is owed a party from the past.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I attended a fundraising event, I purchased the type of raffle tickets that are dropped into the baskets of prizes one hopes to win. Due to my inattention, I dropped a ticket into a basket I was not interested in. Rather than try to retrieve my ticket, I left it.

As luck would have it, I won the prize, tickets to an event that I was not particularly eager to attend. I might have attended, but my mother became ill and I left town suddenly, during the time of the event.

A casual friend who had helped organize the raffle noticed I did not use the tickets. I explained about my mother's illness and subsequent death. My friend chastised me for not trying to find someone to use the tickets in my absence. She claims that the donor will be reluctant to make future donations since the prize went unclaimed.

I was dumbstruck. I numbly mumbled a response and walked away. What is the appropriate response in a situation such as this?

GENTLE READER: Which situation? Your inability to use an unwanted raffle prize? Or your friend who chastised you for not putting a fundraiser before your mother?

Even had your excuse for not using the tickets had been less compelling, Miss Manners does not equate raffle prizes with personal invitations: You are obliged to pay for the raffle ticket; you are not obliged to make the trip to Tahiti.

Your friend's lack of compassion toward you is matched by an equal lack of understanding of the donor's priorities. Instead of being discouraged, that person may be delighted to realize that he can donate without having to make good on his promise.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one thank someone, a close family member, who seems to take joy in giving someone totally inappropriate gifts? Such as a huge box of candy to an obese mother who is desperately trying to lose weight for her health, or a bottle of scotch to an AA member?

I have asked them please not to gift me with foods -- yet just yesterday I got a huge and very expensive basket of junk food, most of which, for various reasons, I cannot eat. I can't be enthusiastic, and my instinct is to ask if they are trying to kill me.

GENTLE READER: As you have discovered, it is possible to follow polite forms and yet be rude. And as you have also learned, it is difficult to respond to those who follow the letter of the law while violating its spirit.

The solution is to answer in kind. Mean-spirited gifts should receive correct, but tight-lipped, thanks. They can be given slight attention and put aside quickly. Miss Manners assures you that such a response will be far more frustrating to the giver than melodramatic accusations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)