DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I attended a concert by a very famous singer, everyone was very excited, and as the artist took the stage, the audience rose, cheering and applauding.

Usually by the second song, the audience settles down and takes their seats, but not this particular crowd. By the fourth song, just about everyone was still standing. Shouts of "Down in front!" started coming from the patrons in the rows behind my friend and me, and we immediately sat down.

Problem was, everyone in front of us remained on their feet. We sat for a bit, and then because we couldn't see anything, we rose again, angering the people directly behind me, who started hurling insults and expletives.

I turned around and explained that I couldn't see anything because everyone else remained standing. When I turned back toward the stage, someone behind me called me a fat pig and slapped the back of my head.

I threatened to have them arrested, but I did sit down. My friend, now out of spite, remained standing until everyone in front of us finally settled down when the artist finally did a slow song.

How could I have handled this better?

GENTLE READER: Having not responded to the threat of arrest, the people behind you demonstrated that they were immune to reason. This may be why they did not notice your problem with the people in front of you.

Miss Manners suggests gesturing toward those who are standing and blocking your view, and then getting out of the way and looking out for some official who might intervene, if not arrest them, if things turn more violent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker recently commented that she doesn't feel she has to say thank you for a treat someone brings to the office if she doesn't partake of it (and yes, I have brought treats to the office).

My feeling is that one says thank you anyway, perhaps adding an addendum, such as, "I'm allergic to/don't like/try to avoid (chocolate, coffee, etc.), but it was nice of you to bring it to work and share it with everybody."

Is saying thank you only for things one consumes a new rule, or have I simply been doing things the wrong way all my life?

GENTLE READER: Explanations as to why a gift is unacceptable, or even harmful, to the recipient should not be confused with politeness.

Miss Manners hopes that your co-worker would, if an unwelcome plate of cookies were handed to her, decline with a simple, "No, thank you." Your co-worker is, however, relieved of any obligation to recognize a gift that is meant for many people, remains out of her reach, and of which she does not partake -- a cake left unattended in the break room, for example.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my niece graduated from college, she did not send out announcements, nor did she want a party. None of the family was invited to the graduation -- it was local.

Now the graduate's family is mad because "gifts" were not sent acknowledging the "big day."

My take is that I wouldn't send a gift to a wedding to which I wasn't invited. And if it was a "big deal," why weren't we invited over for a small acknowledgment party (this family is not destitute)? What do you think?

GENTLE READER: You are far from the only person to hold the appalling idea that social milestones are commercial deals. You are not even the only person in your family to do so.

The misunderstanding seems to be that you believe that a present is warranted only as payment for entertainment, and the graduate's family believes that it is due anyway.

Miss Manners fears that it will shock you all to hear that presents are not mandatory as admission tickets to parties, and can never properly be demanded. They should be given when motivated by warm feelings. So why didn't you simply congratulate your niece?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a much older, single college graduate, and have no expectation that my friends and family send gifts for my graduation.

I am not attending the ceremony, but would like to send out invitations, so they see that I have made it through this part of my journey, but also as a way to send a personal thank-you note to each of them, giving them credit for how they helped me along this rather rocky road.

Is this an acceptable form of communication, since the announcements are formal, or do I just send the thank-you letters out without the announcement?

GENTLE READER: Certainly you should not send out invitations to a ceremony that you do not plan to attend. But even formal announcements, intended to be merely informative, are unfortunately often misinterpreted these days as indicating the expectation of more than mere congratulations.

Anyway, they are not needed to supplement those personal letters, which Miss Manners commends you for writing and which she assures you will be treasured.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attend a yearly party where the "bar" is various bottles of alcohol and juices, so guests can make their own drinks. Problem is, I've moved past the "vodka cranberry" in plastic cups or beer stage in life, and only enjoy good wine or a specialty cocktail that cannot be made with what is offered at this party. Can't take bad booze anymore.

Is it appropriate to bring my own alcohol to a party and make my own drink with it?

GENTLE READER? No!

Forgive Miss Manners' outburst. Can't take bad manners anymore.

This party is once a year. Surely you can stomach a subpar libation -- or drink a nonalcoholic one -- annually, rather than offend your friends. Bringing your own supplies is rude and tells your hosts that their taste is not up to your standards. Never mind that it is true.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At first, when my husband and I hosted his parents from out of town, I was happy to play hostess. But after two visits, I am done. (I am due with their first grandchild in the next few weeks, complicating the issue.)

They have not respected my requests for them to take their shoes off in my home. They start "projects" around the house without asking, and when I tell them no, I'm not comfortable with that, they plow forward anyway!

My dear husband is, of course, loath to tell them how disrespectful they are being ... He's grown up with their constant need to bulldoze others and has absolutely no boundaries/doesn't want to hurt their feelings.

I would like it if he could tell them they may no longer stay with us, but realize I'm probably going to have to be the "bad guy." How do I tell them "no" without hurting feelings and causing issues right before the baby is born?

GENTLE READER: You don't.

Are you really contemplating barring your prospective child's grandparents from your home? There are two vastly different issues here -- and Miss Manners sympathizes with only one.

Asking guests to take off their shoes is tantamount to saying that you value your flooring more than their comfort. Good luck enforcing that, particularly with older generations. Try taking up your expensive or light-colored carpets when they visit -- and invest in a mop and a vacuum. These are your relatives, and even if you don't care about their feelings, your husband does.

You have a slightly better case when it comes to the home projects. If your in-laws insist that they want to help -- and asking them nicely not to isn't working -- then pick a few menial tasks that you wouldn't mind delegating.

Once your child is born, Miss Manners has a feeling that you will feel differently about tasks getting done around the house. In any case, learning how to accept help, even though it may not be up to your standards, will be a lesson that will come in handy when your hands are full of baby.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)