DEAR MISS MANNERS: For our daughter's graduation from high school, we planned a small party for her with immediate family and a few neighbors and close friends.

My daughter does not like parties, so we asked her the week before to please let us know if she was feeling uncomfortable and we would call it all off, no problem. She said she would be OK with it, and we told her she could just come for a bit to say hi and thank her guests.

Day of the party, she leaves the house and doesn't show up at all, texting her dad that she wasn't feeling well and wasn't up to a party.

So now we have 30 people we are apologizing to and feeling extremely embarrassed by her rude behavior. People graciously left monetary gifts, which my daughter didn't bother to open. On top of it all, her grandparents flew in from out of town, and she was extremely rude to them and didn't spend any time talking or thanking them for coming.

So what do we do with the gifts? Do we send back the checks and cash and thank everyone? Do we keep them and not give them to my daughter directly? Maybe use them for her college expenses?

I feel bad keeping them, but I am not sure if it is just as rude to mail them back. Whatever we do, she will not send thank-you notes, either. I will have to do that.

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that this is the least of your problems, considering that you have a thoroughly rude and callous daughter.

Ordinarily, it is insulting to return presents, but your guests have already been insulted, and are due abject apologies on your daughter's behalf, if you must write them. You can return the money with the explanation that as your daughter did not participate in the celebration, you are refusing to let her keep any of it.

Miss Manners does not consider you to be free of responsibility for this fiasco. Leaving aside your duty to teach your daughter manners and consideration for others, there is the question of why you even considered giving a party for someone who hates parties, and your willingness to allow guests to make plans that you offered to cancel a week before.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I exited a stairwell just ahead of a lady in a manual wheelchair who was getting off an adjacent elevator. I held a door open for her as we entered a long hallway, en route to our destination. The hall was narrow, so I walked behind.

She seemed to have no problem navigating through the winding path, but should I have offered to push? (For the record, I did not offer, but opened a door for her as she exited the hall, one stop before mine.)

GENTLE READER: As the lady was not having any problem, why should you have offered to push?

Miss Manners considers that you were polite in offering a conventional courtesy, and that there would be something offensive about suggesting that the lady was not managing well on her own when she obviously was.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know it is rude to interrupt someone else's conversation. But is there a polite way of doing so when one is at a dinner party at a restaurant that includes one's mother? And overhears her beginning to launch into a story about you that you would really prefer remain unshared?

GENTLE READER: "I may have already told them this. Why don't you tell them about the time you fell into Cousin Mariah's wedding cake? That's a hilarious story."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were enjoying dinner with a couple we had known for 25 years and their daughter at a local restaurant. Midway through the meal, the husband of the other couple asked for everyone's attention and then proceeded to say that he had something he would like to say to me.

He said that I was a very nice person and had a nice face, but that my (recently natural) white hair made me look OLD! And then proceeded to suggest coloring techniques that might help me look younger.

I am 62 years old and in good health, but I do have white hair, with which I am comfortable. I was flabbergasted at his comments ... but had no idea how to respond.

His wife sat speechless. His daughter kicked him under the table and mouthed to him to SHUT UP, which he did. My husband told him he liked my hair. I wanted to dump the red wine on his hair to change his hair color! But I didn't. Please help me, should this unfortunate scene occur again.

GENTLE READER: Presumably this will not happen again, because his wife and daughter will realize that they cannot take him anywhere.

Like you, Miss Manners would have been tempted to dump the wine on him, but, like you, she would have refrained. Probably, she would have said, "Well, I can't return the compliment because you could not possibly be improved upon. But I had no idea that you were in the hairdressing business."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently hosted a backyard barbecue in my new home. I told the guests what time to be there and I did not make appetizers, since I was serving a full dinner as soon as they arrived.

A couple that I invited arrived an hour early, and as soon as they arrived they demanded something to eat, as they were hungry. I did not point out that they were an hour early and I was not even dressed for the party.

She started going through my kitchen cabinets hunting for something to eat. They found some chips that I was planning to serve at dinner and opened and ate them.

I was furious that they were early and so pushy. I did not say anything, Miss Manners, but what should I have said?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, you found the chips! How kind. Since you're a bit early, would you mind setting those out for the guests when they arrive while I slip away to get dressed?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that I am working every day, I take a bus from my local park-and-ride to my stop in town, which means I often see people I know. Because my commute tends to be about 35 minutes to 40 minutes one way, I will bring a book to read, which I enjoy very much.

When I see an acquaintance on the bus, am I required to converse with them beyond a simple "Hello"?

Ideally, I would like to pass the time by reading my book in peace, but I always refrain from fear of being rude. Usually this means I am stuck conversing with the person for the whole ride, since it is not as if I can excuse myself and step away.

Moreover, does the seating in the scenario make a difference? One time I had to twist myself around in order to see my acquaintance, who sat behind me, because he just kept asking me questions. What about when the person is sitting next to me? Across the aisle?

On average, I probably see someone I know every week and a half, so I suppose it isn't a huge issue. Should I just suck it up and be social? Or is there a polite way to deflect conversation?

GENTLE READER: Discussions require a minimum of two participants. And for all you know, your partner may feel equally trapped.

While it is rude to ignore another person, there are polite ways to discourage chatty fellow commuters on public transportation. Miss Manners recommends that after an initial bout of friendliness, you refrain from an excess of effervescence.

Allow a lull in the conversation, and then say how lovely it was to catch up, quickly diving into your book. The person who instead wishes to deliver a monologue would be guilty of being rude, and can be handled with a pleasant explanation that you are at an interesting point in your book and really want to find out what happens.

The explanation can be reworded, if necessary, perhaps with a look of alarm, if you are reading the financial papers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I give my 11-year-old granddaughter a gift, she always let me know exactly how she feels about it. (Not new; she's done this since age 5.) She doesn't act like she ever likes anything and seldom says "thank you."

I gave her a pair of earrings and a set of flannel (high-quality) sheets, both with the peace sign motif she likes. Several days ago, she told me she won't use the sheets because they don't match her room (the colors were the same as on her walls) and she doesn't like them.

Do you think that's rude, and should I speak to my daughter about it?

GENTLE READER: Children must be taught that expressing pleasure and gratitude for gifts is not just good manners, but also good policy, because it encourages future generosity.

While one can legitimately debate how open to reason is a typical 5-year-old, Miss Manners would have recommended that you approach your daughter, your granddaughter, or both, sometime in the last six years. It will be harder now to explain why you don't enjoy giving those presents, but you should try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)