DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know it is rude to interrupt someone else's conversation. But is there a polite way of doing so when one is at a dinner party at a restaurant that includes one's mother? And overhears her beginning to launch into a story about you that you would really prefer remain unshared?

GENTLE READER: "I may have already told them this. Why don't you tell them about the time you fell into Cousin Mariah's wedding cake? That's a hilarious story."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were enjoying dinner with a couple we had known for 25 years and their daughter at a local restaurant. Midway through the meal, the husband of the other couple asked for everyone's attention and then proceeded to say that he had something he would like to say to me.

He said that I was a very nice person and had a nice face, but that my (recently natural) white hair made me look OLD! And then proceeded to suggest coloring techniques that might help me look younger.

I am 62 years old and in good health, but I do have white hair, with which I am comfortable. I was flabbergasted at his comments ... but had no idea how to respond.

His wife sat speechless. His daughter kicked him under the table and mouthed to him to SHUT UP, which he did. My husband told him he liked my hair. I wanted to dump the red wine on his hair to change his hair color! But I didn't. Please help me, should this unfortunate scene occur again.

GENTLE READER: Presumably this will not happen again, because his wife and daughter will realize that they cannot take him anywhere.

Like you, Miss Manners would have been tempted to dump the wine on him, but, like you, she would have refrained. Probably, she would have said, "Well, I can't return the compliment because you could not possibly be improved upon. But I had no idea that you were in the hairdressing business."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently hosted a backyard barbecue in my new home. I told the guests what time to be there and I did not make appetizers, since I was serving a full dinner as soon as they arrived.

A couple that I invited arrived an hour early, and as soon as they arrived they demanded something to eat, as they were hungry. I did not point out that they were an hour early and I was not even dressed for the party.

She started going through my kitchen cabinets hunting for something to eat. They found some chips that I was planning to serve at dinner and opened and ate them.

I was furious that they were early and so pushy. I did not say anything, Miss Manners, but what should I have said?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, you found the chips! How kind. Since you're a bit early, would you mind setting those out for the guests when they arrive while I slip away to get dressed?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that I am working every day, I take a bus from my local park-and-ride to my stop in town, which means I often see people I know. Because my commute tends to be about 35 minutes to 40 minutes one way, I will bring a book to read, which I enjoy very much.

When I see an acquaintance on the bus, am I required to converse with them beyond a simple "Hello"?

Ideally, I would like to pass the time by reading my book in peace, but I always refrain from fear of being rude. Usually this means I am stuck conversing with the person for the whole ride, since it is not as if I can excuse myself and step away.

Moreover, does the seating in the scenario make a difference? One time I had to twist myself around in order to see my acquaintance, who sat behind me, because he just kept asking me questions. What about when the person is sitting next to me? Across the aisle?

On average, I probably see someone I know every week and a half, so I suppose it isn't a huge issue. Should I just suck it up and be social? Or is there a polite way to deflect conversation?

GENTLE READER: Discussions require a minimum of two participants. And for all you know, your partner may feel equally trapped.

While it is rude to ignore another person, there are polite ways to discourage chatty fellow commuters on public transportation. Miss Manners recommends that after an initial bout of friendliness, you refrain from an excess of effervescence.

Allow a lull in the conversation, and then say how lovely it was to catch up, quickly diving into your book. The person who instead wishes to deliver a monologue would be guilty of being rude, and can be handled with a pleasant explanation that you are at an interesting point in your book and really want to find out what happens.

The explanation can be reworded, if necessary, perhaps with a look of alarm, if you are reading the financial papers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I give my 11-year-old granddaughter a gift, she always let me know exactly how she feels about it. (Not new; she's done this since age 5.) She doesn't act like she ever likes anything and seldom says "thank you."

I gave her a pair of earrings and a set of flannel (high-quality) sheets, both with the peace sign motif she likes. Several days ago, she told me she won't use the sheets because they don't match her room (the colors were the same as on her walls) and she doesn't like them.

Do you think that's rude, and should I speak to my daughter about it?

GENTLE READER: Children must be taught that expressing pleasure and gratitude for gifts is not just good manners, but also good policy, because it encourages future generosity.

While one can legitimately debate how open to reason is a typical 5-year-old, Miss Manners would have recommended that you approach your daughter, your granddaughter, or both, sometime in the last six years. It will be harder now to explain why you don't enjoy giving those presents, but you should try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an Italian who has lived most of her life in Italy and has now relocated to the United States. Fortunately, I have easily made many friends and am quite happy here.

When American friends invite me to dinner, unfortunately, they often serve me their idea of Italian spaghetti, thinking kindly that I must be "homesick" for spaghetti. But this is meant very well, and I always enjoy their attempts, and often invite them to my house for more authentic Italian meals, so we are all happy.

My difficulty is the inability of Americans to eat spaghetti. In Italy, spaghetti is eaten very neatly and easily using a dinner fork and no other utensil. Americans are unable to do this, and make a horrid mess trying to help themselves along with an additional soup spoon, or knife, or lots of slurping.

However, I have come to realize that the reason they cannot manage with a fork alone is mainly because they are using the wrong kind of plates. Spaghetti must be served in a shallow, flat-bottomed bowl with a wide rim, and then it is easy to roll the strands around the fork, holding the tines of the fork to the bottom of the side of the bowl.

I have never criticized anyone about table manners, as I am well aware of the many differences between European and American customs! But I would like to help my struggling friends.

I want to invite them to dinner, serve a "primo" of spaghetti in my Italian pasta bowls, and hope that someone will say, "These are the perfect bowls for spaghetti!" And then I will, with a big smile, present each couple with a set of bowls, saying that this is a thank-you gift for their thoughtfulness in making me feel at home here.

But what are these bowls called, in an American dinner set?

GENTLE READER: Unless you can find a company that frankly makes pasta bowls, the nearest equivalent in American china patterns is the large, flat-rimmed soup plate.

But you are in danger of being called names yourself by Americans who claim to have learned the additional use of a soup spoon from their Italian grandmothers.

Mind you, Miss Manners knows that you are perfectly right about Italian manners, which are also correct here. But she has stated this before and encountered such protests.

Apparently something was lost in the generational translation. It is as if Texas grandmothers, speaking of ribs at barbecues, had said that of course one can use the hands -- and their descendants had taken that to mean that meat can always be eaten that way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate attire (men and women) for an outdoor Celebration of Life ice cream social that is being held in the springtime, several months after my friend's passing?

GENTLE READER: While black is the color of mourning, the color of ice cream socials is more likely to be strawberry or pistachio. You do have a bit of a conflict there.

In this case, Miss Manners considers that as it would be peculiar to have a bunch of people celebrating in black, the party atmosphere should prevail.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)