DEAR MISS MANNERS: A stranger, who is a friend of a co-worker of my husband's (someone from a well-to-do family who is getting married), called to invite me to be an honorary hostess for the couple's engagement party.

The caller told me that as an honorary hostess, I was to pay a certain dollar amount to help with expenses and to be a greeter to the friends and family. And of course bring a gift in celebration.

I said I would call back. I spoke with my husband about this request and asked what to do.

Although I had lost my job, we decided to go along with the request because of workplace politics, and, being in a small town, social politics.

Is there a pleasant way to back out of such a request without hurting my husband's reputation? Or our social reputation?

GENTLE READER: An "honorary hostess"? As in, we'll give you a title and hope that you don't notice we are just saddling you with the bill?

Miss Manners is constantly amazed at the extortionist inventions people come up with in the much-maligned name of hospitality.

You can, however, still back out by saying: "You know, I am so honored that you asked, but I just don't feel as if I know the couple well enough to help host their party. Perhaps after we do get to know them better, my husband and I could discuss with them another type of celebration that might be pleasing to all of us." Perhaps by their fifth anniversary, they will have stricken your name from the target list.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been married to my husband for four years. Not only do I have a strong relationship with my in-laws, but they get along very well with my lesbian mother, her wife and their child.

It came as a great shock last week when my mother-in-law mentioned her strong belief that LGBT folks are "abnormal" and that gay couples shouldn't have children. She has never said anything homophobic before, but I am very upset.

She apologized by saying that she didn't intend to hurt my feelings, but now I'm concerned about family gatherings where both my in-laws and my moms and sister will be present. Should I tell my moms what my mother-in-law said? Should I avoid inviting them to the same events? Or should I just pretend it didn't happen?

GENTLE READER: Surely your husband is the one to point out to his mother that if LGBT people shouldn't have children, he might not have his wife, who considers them her parents even if there was a previous union involved; nor would she have her sibling. This should smoke out whether she intended to insult you or was merely expressing horrid general bigotry.

Of course the "But I didn't mean you, dear" defense is unacceptable. But it could open a discussion that might lead to enlightenment, apologies and remorse. Miss Manners suggests that this could be hastened along by your husband saying that you both no longer feel right about subjecting your family to her prejudices, and will miss her at future family events.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On social media, a person will say something that is rude -- and then add a "haha" or the term "LOL" at the end, to claim that it was only a joke.

An example is my cousin being told that she has "gained a few pounds since high school, LOL!" Or a person commenting on pictures from a party that my husband and I hosted: "I expect to be invited next time, don't leave me out, haha!" What is the proper way to respond to such "jokes" that are clearly serious comments?

GENTLE READER: Acronyms like "LOL" and smiley-face emoticons arose as a way of clarifying that something was meant to be humorous when delivered in a medium lacking in more subtle cues, such as tone of voice or an actual smile.

But these computer-based solutions to computer-caused problems are not, Miss Manners notes, the etiquette equivalent of the "undo" function. That is known as an apology. As you have noticed, rude or hurtful statements are not improved by knowing that the perpetrator thought they were funny. They should therefore be answered with the electronic equivalent of disapproving silence: disapproving silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Your reply to the woman seeking validation for chatting in the movies once the "cameras rolled" was disappointing. Perhaps you haven't gone to the movies lately.

Following lights out, the first screen is a request to be quiet and turn off cellphones, followed by one or two advertisements for refreshments. Next are the trailers (sans ads) for upcoming movies, followed by the main event.

Movies are expensive, and I look forward to the trailers on the big screen in Dolby sound -- they help me decide whether to spend time or money on upcoming films. Your correspondent states that she was chatting for FIVE minutes during the "advertising-heavy" digital pre-show before the older couple arrived, and FIVE minutes later, the man asked her to be quiet.

Would you approve of this woman using her cellphone during this time despite management's request (initial screen) that cellphones be turned off? Honestly, I thought this woman was very inconsiderate.

GENTLE READER: The principle -- that silence is required during a performance, but not during a canned sales pitch -- has certainly been muddled by the difficulty of differentiating the entertainment from the advertisement.

Miss Manners recognizes that many people enjoy trailers, although she is perplexed at the assertion that a short whose sole purpose is to sell a coming attraction can be described as "sans" advertising. Better examples might be theaters that include pre-show lectures and post-show discussions, or sports arenas that feature pre-game musical performances.

In this case, audience members who do not wish to enjoy the bonus entertainment are expected to respect their fellow patrons who do, whether that means keeping conversation to a minimum, or waiting until they are in the aisle to locate their car keys.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always said "Happy Mother's Day" to everyone I see, male or female. My wife disagrees. She believes that I should say "Happy Mother's Day" to women -- but ONLY to someone I know is a mother.

I believe that Mother's Day is a celebration of motherhood. We all have mothers, so we all should celebrate. I think it's a pleasant gesture to wish everyone Happy Mother's Day.

She says it's rude and disrespectful to say it to everyone. My intent is just to be polite and cheerful, but my wife says I'm actually offensive.

GENTLE READER: Do you suppose that your greeting charms ladies who were unable to have children, or who lost children? And Miss Manners hates to think how it is interpreted by the male strangers, fathers or not.

It seems to her that you are more interested in appearing to spread good will than in how your doing this will affect the recipients of your supposed good wishes. A more effective way to celebrate and to give pleasure to someone you do know would be to respect the good sense shown by your wife.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a female invites a male to a prom, is she responsible for the expenses? Or what is the male responsible for?

GENTLE READER: The young gentleman is responsible for showing up and showing his hostess a pleasant time. If flowers are customarily given at the prom, it would be gracious of him to offer them.

Miss Manners considers this to be an excellent opportunity to learn about reciprocal hospitality and what it is to be a hostess. Her social life will be a lot more pleasant if she gets rid of the idea that it is gender that decides who pays, rather than the person issuing the invitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our high school, we recently lost a student who would have graduated in June. My students approached me, their class sponsor, for ideas on how best to mention the death of their classmate at their commencement.

They are quite uncomfortable, as the valedictorian, the salutatorian and the class president did not know the deceased well at all.

I told them that the president should mention the death directly, while the valedictorian and salutatorian should not, but that they should make a brief mention about struggling through loss (or something to that effect). Do you have other suggestions or words that they could use?

GENTLE READER: Have you considered having a student who did know the deceased offer a short eulogy?

In addition, Miss Manners agrees that the class president should make a formal statement in honor of the classmate and should express the class's grief. He or she will not be doing this as a personal statement, but on behalf of the class. Then the other speakers can make reference to the tragedy of loss -- again because they are speaking on behalf of the class, and some of their classmates will have a close personal connection, even if they don't.

As for feeling "uncomfortable" -- tell them that no one, close or far, ever likes this task, but respect requires that it be done.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)