DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always said "Happy Mother's Day" to everyone I see, male or female. My wife disagrees. She believes that I should say "Happy Mother's Day" to women -- but ONLY to someone I know is a mother.

I believe that Mother's Day is a celebration of motherhood. We all have mothers, so we all should celebrate. I think it's a pleasant gesture to wish everyone Happy Mother's Day.

She says it's rude and disrespectful to say it to everyone. My intent is just to be polite and cheerful, but my wife says I'm actually offensive.

GENTLE READER: Do you suppose that your greeting charms ladies who were unable to have children, or who lost children? And Miss Manners hates to think how it is interpreted by the male strangers, fathers or not.

It seems to her that you are more interested in appearing to spread good will than in how your doing this will affect the recipients of your supposed good wishes. A more effective way to celebrate and to give pleasure to someone you do know would be to respect the good sense shown by your wife.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a female invites a male to a prom, is she responsible for the expenses? Or what is the male responsible for?

GENTLE READER: The young gentleman is responsible for showing up and showing his hostess a pleasant time. If flowers are customarily given at the prom, it would be gracious of him to offer them.

Miss Manners considers this to be an excellent opportunity to learn about reciprocal hospitality and what it is to be a hostess. Her social life will be a lot more pleasant if she gets rid of the idea that it is gender that decides who pays, rather than the person issuing the invitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our high school, we recently lost a student who would have graduated in June. My students approached me, their class sponsor, for ideas on how best to mention the death of their classmate at their commencement.

They are quite uncomfortable, as the valedictorian, the salutatorian and the class president did not know the deceased well at all.

I told them that the president should mention the death directly, while the valedictorian and salutatorian should not, but that they should make a brief mention about struggling through loss (or something to that effect). Do you have other suggestions or words that they could use?

GENTLE READER: Have you considered having a student who did know the deceased offer a short eulogy?

In addition, Miss Manners agrees that the class president should make a formal statement in honor of the classmate and should express the class's grief. He or she will not be doing this as a personal statement, but on behalf of the class. Then the other speakers can make reference to the tragedy of loss -- again because they are speaking on behalf of the class, and some of their classmates will have a close personal connection, even if they don't.

As for feeling "uncomfortable" -- tell them that no one, close or far, ever likes this task, but respect requires that it be done.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper etiquette to wear your jeans tucked in your suede boots in May? I know if I were riding on the back of my fiance's motorcycle, it would be totally appropriate:)! However, I'm just going out with the girls:)!

YOUR SPEEDY REPLY WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED:)!

GENTLE READER: WHY? ARE THE GIRLS GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT YOU?:)!

Miss Manners is both amused and befuddled by your question. Is it the tucking in of the jeans that you are afraid will offend? Wearing suede in May? Or somehow the combination?

While unseasonable to wear suede boots in May, it is not the breach of etiquette that is wearing white before Memorial Day (cue the maelstrom of dissent).

The rules of etiquette are not at stake here (unless it is a formal event, but Miss Manners feels pretty certain that it is not), but rather your reputation for fashion sense among your friends. If that is the case, try it and see.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've always agreed with you that it's never proper for prospective recipients of gifts (e.g., engaged couples, high school and college graduates, celebrators of birthdays) to tell others what they want or expect to receive.

As I'm sure you're aware, there is a current trend toward decluttering and minimalism. This has resulted not only in the idea that it's rude to give a gift that wasn't specifically asked for, but also that it's perfectly acceptable to ask the prospective giver for "experiences" instead of things -- e.g., gift certificates for dinner or a spa visit, or cash toward a vacation.

I feel that it's rude in any case to make such requests, but what if the prospective giver asks what you'd like to have? Is it acceptable to answer honestly, or would it be better just to demur, and hope the prospective giver takes a hint?

GENTLE READER: Yes, unfortunately, Miss Manners is all too aware of yet another manifestation of greed in the name of "gift-giving." (And the irony that people are being covetous in order to avoid appearing covetous is not lost on her.)

That it should be considered rude to give a present that was not previously demanded is not only an affront to manners, but also to syntax. What else is a gift, but something that is given willingly?

But as you seem to be the rare creature who understands this, Miss Manners will help you to be both honest and to demur, if the demurring is executed correctly.

Only when asked (preferably repeatedly), a celebrant may say, "Oh, I just have so many things, I'm really just looking to relax a bit after the graduation/birthday/wedding. Do you know any good places?"

If done correctly, this will appear to be merely conversation aimed at gaining expertise. However, smart listeners who are presumably on the alert for present ideas will see that they can facilitate the delivery. And you will have achieved your goal -- without making rude demands.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When it comes to my family members, if I have a question or find something interesting, I'll send an email at that moment, so I don't forget about it later.

Sometimes it's at 11 at night when I know they'll be asleep; sometimes it's at 7 in the morning when I know they'll be getting ready for their day and don't have time. I don't expect them to read it right away, anyway. The messages are never urgent, and if there is ever an emergency, I just call.

One close family member has been emailing me as soon as my email is noticed, with messages saying, "I'm busy, will read later" or, "Can't get to this now, will try to get to it tonight."

I'm just sharing cute pictures of my kids or links to homes I'm looking into. The immediate non-reply is, for some reason, off-putting.

Is the weird vibe a sign that I need to reserve emailing this close family member only when asked to? Is it normal to send the "I'm busy but will get to this when I can" message regarding this type of email?

I'm under the impression that it would just be better to wait until one is able to read the email in full and, even if it's a day or so later, then send a reply. But I might be the odd one out here.

GENTLE READER: Your relative has similar questions, Miss Manners assures you.

Will he or she offend you if there is not an immediate answer? What about other obligations, including not just sleep and breakfast, but attending to any real live people who might be present?

Unrealistic as is the hope of meeting everyone's expectations, your relative should be given credit for trying. If the instant non-response truly bothers you, you might assuage those cares by providing instructions in the subject line of your next email: "Pictures of the house. No reply necessary," or simply, "Cute pix NRN."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings are hosting a milestone event for a parent. I, and one of my siblings, can afford and want to spend the money to make the event special.

The other two siblings are just getting by, paycheck to paycheck, and really don't have discretionary money to spend. How do we politely decline financial help to plan the party when we know the other two cannot afford to pay?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners has no objection to caviar and champagne, let us agree that it is not the spending of money that will make the event special, but rather the time spent with family and friends.

Then your problem becomes more manageable. The organizing of the event will require participation of all the siblings. Assign the responsibilities in a way that distributes evenly the effort required, but leaves the larger expenditures to those with both discretionary income and discretion. No comparison of who has decided to contribute what need be made.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)