DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have opened my own pet-sitting business, and my first meeting with potential clients is nearly always inside their homes. These homes are often professionally cleaned and opulently decorated, but I'm frequently invited inside with a "So sorry about the mess."

There never is the slightest mess, and since it seems bad business to reply with a bluff, "Oh, you should see my place" to a person I'm hoping will trust me in their home with their beloved pets, I'm at a loss for an appropriate and gracious response. What is the most polite response to this "apology"?

GENTLE READER: Transparent as such apologies are, they have become commonplace, and you are, as you rightly recognize, in no position to argue.

Miss Manners presumes that when asked how you are by prospective employers, you neglect to mention the cold you are suffering from, the dog that threw up on your shoes, and the flat tire that you will have to deal with after the interview. She advises you to adopt a similar level of forthrightness in this case, protesting that the house is a marvel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Five of us formed a performing ensemble and have developed a successful reputation for the group. Two of the members have vocal issues (pitch and tone quality), are not investing the rehearsal time necessary to keep us all moving forward, and are not contributing to the workload of keeping the group organized and prepared for performances and workshops.

Because the group was formed with an agreement to use a basis of consensus, can three of us ask the other two to leave the group so we three can continue to build on the reputation and groundwork we all laid together? Or should we three step away and invest in forming a new group?

GENTLE READER: Without a show of hands, Miss Manners does not know whether you agreed to make group decisions unanimously or by (general) consensus. Since you hold a majority, the latter would be easier than the former, which is not to say that it will be easy.

Whether your group is professional, amateur or something in between, you are giving performances, and it therefore is reasonable to adopt professional manners. The group should meet so that the three more serious members can propose clear, specific -- and more stringent -- guidelines for participation.

If you cannot reach consensus, you still have the less pleasant alternative of disbanding the group and, when advertising the new ensemble, making mention of "former members of" the original group.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I would like to host some friends of ours in the near future. However, there is a problem with our bathroom plumbing, and as a result the bathroom sink does not have hot water.

We cannot afford to get it fixed right now. Is it necessary to get it fixed before we have guests? If not, should we put a sign in the bathroom explaining?

GENTLE READER: What -- that it would be unwise to attempt to take a bath in the sink?

Providing cold water for hand-washing does not strike Miss Manners as a breach of hospitality that calls for warnings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While watching certain "judge" TV shows, I've noticed that when a plaintiff or defendant is given a tissue, there is NEVER a "thank you" offered to the giver.

It leads me to wonder: Is NOT thanking a person for this small favor considered somehow improper? Please help, as I am indeed befuddled.

GENTLE READER: And as you will continue to be, if you look to television for demonstrations of proper manners.

Miss Manners does not intend this as a simple sneer at the ignorance of etiquette that sprinkles so much drama --not just television, but film, theater and opera -- with misleading cues. That is sadly the fact, but she can rant about that another time.

Even well-done scripted shows should not be taken as exemplifying proper behavior. A function of etiquette in real life is to keep us from being at one another's throats. But what would drama be without conflict? And this especially applies to courtroom drama, which can match -- and exceed -- real courtrooms in emotional tension. The crier on TV may be too distraught to observe niceties, or even generally rude.

Life is different. Should you find yourself breaking down in court, do, please, thank the judge or other official who hands you a tissue.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is an email discussion group in our community that my wife is a member of. She and I each have our own desk with our own computer sitting on it. At her request, I always turn on my wife's computer in the morning before she gets up.

I've been reading my wife's email on her computer at her desk after I turn it on to scan the group message subject lines and see if there is anything interesting enough to read. My wife got up early one morning and saw me doing this. She didn't know I had a habit of reading her emails in the morning.

She has gotten angry with me and told me to stop reading her email and feels I've crossed the line and invaded her privacy. I feel that I'm not invading her privacy, because the only emails I look at are from the community discussion group. Am I off base?

GENTLE READER: Matrimony is no excuse for peeking into someone else's mail, Miss Manners believes -- as does your wife. So please stop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance passed away a few days ago. Should I remove my engagement ring immediately? Or wait some period of time?

His family has arranged a large service and celebration of life to be held in two months. Should I wear the ring on that occasion?

GENTLE READER: There is a cadre of busybodies who have the nerve to pose as etiquette experts, telling the bereaved that they are no longer entitled to wear their rings. Besides being cruel, this is inaccurate. Miss Manners reminds you that the ring is yours, to wear whenever you wish.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been caring for my mother-in-law for 11 years now. Her daughter does not want the job, but I have been doing this because I believe she would not have lasted long in a nursing home.

My mother-in-law will be 96 in March. Her doctor has issued her a bill of good health, and she can easily live into her hundreds.

Is it impolite of me to dislike my sister-in-law for her lack of involvement with the care of her own mother? I really am developing a strong dislike for her selfishness. Is this normal? What is a proper way to express my feelings politely?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not dictate how one should feel, only how one should behave. But Miss Manners has made a career out of expressing the former through clever use of the latter.

While outwardly expressing your feelings to your sister-in-law would only escalate hostility (although if your husband is her brother, you might suggest that he do it), you could attempt to alleviate the logistics of the situation by enlisting her help for specific tasks -- a lot of them. The constant requests might make it easier for her to just to initiate participation. At best, you will get some help. At worst, you will have a productive outlet for your frustration.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my late 20s, finishing a master's program at the same institution where I earned my bachelor's degree, and am in the process of applying for doctoral programs.

A little more than a year ago, I sought counseling for problems I have had since my late teens, and was diagnosed with a moderate learning disability, along with severe depression and anxiety.

Since receiving treatment, I have found the quality of my life and my academic work has greatly improved. My academic transcript will be a part of my school applications, including my lackluster performance as an undergraduate, which I believe can be partially attributed to my undiagnosed issues.

Is there a polite and professional way to convey this to potential schools, without disclosing too much personal information, or sounding as if I am making excuses for my past failures? Or should I remain silent on the subject and just hope that my recent work will indicate to reviewers what my abilities and potential as a student and academic are?

GENTLE READER: Your current record, and commendable instinct to be discreet and not make excuses, seem to Miss Manners to count far more than a blip on your transcript. Professional institutions would benefit greatly from recognizing -- and rewarding -- the difference.

If you are asked directly, or if there is an essay or place to discuss your achievements and goals on your application, you could briefly allude to the discrepancy there. There is no need for going into unnecessary detail. Just say that you discovered a medical condition for which you had to seek treatment, with gratifying results.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)