DEAR MISS MANNERS: While watching certain "judge" TV shows, I've noticed that when a plaintiff or defendant is given a tissue, there is NEVER a "thank you" offered to the giver.

It leads me to wonder: Is NOT thanking a person for this small favor considered somehow improper? Please help, as I am indeed befuddled.

GENTLE READER: And as you will continue to be, if you look to television for demonstrations of proper manners.

Miss Manners does not intend this as a simple sneer at the ignorance of etiquette that sprinkles so much drama --not just television, but film, theater and opera -- with misleading cues. That is sadly the fact, but she can rant about that another time.

Even well-done scripted shows should not be taken as exemplifying proper behavior. A function of etiquette in real life is to keep us from being at one another's throats. But what would drama be without conflict? And this especially applies to courtroom drama, which can match -- and exceed -- real courtrooms in emotional tension. The crier on TV may be too distraught to observe niceties, or even generally rude.

Life is different. Should you find yourself breaking down in court, do, please, thank the judge or other official who hands you a tissue.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is an email discussion group in our community that my wife is a member of. She and I each have our own desk with our own computer sitting on it. At her request, I always turn on my wife's computer in the morning before she gets up.

I've been reading my wife's email on her computer at her desk after I turn it on to scan the group message subject lines and see if there is anything interesting enough to read. My wife got up early one morning and saw me doing this. She didn't know I had a habit of reading her emails in the morning.

She has gotten angry with me and told me to stop reading her email and feels I've crossed the line and invaded her privacy. I feel that I'm not invading her privacy, because the only emails I look at are from the community discussion group. Am I off base?

GENTLE READER: Matrimony is no excuse for peeking into someone else's mail, Miss Manners believes -- as does your wife. So please stop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance passed away a few days ago. Should I remove my engagement ring immediately? Or wait some period of time?

His family has arranged a large service and celebration of life to be held in two months. Should I wear the ring on that occasion?

GENTLE READER: There is a cadre of busybodies who have the nerve to pose as etiquette experts, telling the bereaved that they are no longer entitled to wear their rings. Besides being cruel, this is inaccurate. Miss Manners reminds you that the ring is yours, to wear whenever you wish.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been caring for my mother-in-law for 11 years now. Her daughter does not want the job, but I have been doing this because I believe she would not have lasted long in a nursing home.

My mother-in-law will be 96 in March. Her doctor has issued her a bill of good health, and she can easily live into her hundreds.

Is it impolite of me to dislike my sister-in-law for her lack of involvement with the care of her own mother? I really am developing a strong dislike for her selfishness. Is this normal? What is a proper way to express my feelings politely?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not dictate how one should feel, only how one should behave. But Miss Manners has made a career out of expressing the former through clever use of the latter.

While outwardly expressing your feelings to your sister-in-law would only escalate hostility (although if your husband is her brother, you might suggest that he do it), you could attempt to alleviate the logistics of the situation by enlisting her help for specific tasks -- a lot of them. The constant requests might make it easier for her to just to initiate participation. At best, you will get some help. At worst, you will have a productive outlet for your frustration.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my late 20s, finishing a master's program at the same institution where I earned my bachelor's degree, and am in the process of applying for doctoral programs.

A little more than a year ago, I sought counseling for problems I have had since my late teens, and was diagnosed with a moderate learning disability, along with severe depression and anxiety.

Since receiving treatment, I have found the quality of my life and my academic work has greatly improved. My academic transcript will be a part of my school applications, including my lackluster performance as an undergraduate, which I believe can be partially attributed to my undiagnosed issues.

Is there a polite and professional way to convey this to potential schools, without disclosing too much personal information, or sounding as if I am making excuses for my past failures? Or should I remain silent on the subject and just hope that my recent work will indicate to reviewers what my abilities and potential as a student and academic are?

GENTLE READER: Your current record, and commendable instinct to be discreet and not make excuses, seem to Miss Manners to count far more than a blip on your transcript. Professional institutions would benefit greatly from recognizing -- and rewarding -- the difference.

If you are asked directly, or if there is an essay or place to discuss your achievements and goals on your application, you could briefly allude to the discrepancy there. There is no need for going into unnecessary detail. Just say that you discovered a medical condition for which you had to seek treatment, with gratifying results.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member wants to throw a housewarming party for me at HER house to celebrate my new home that is being built. Is this appropriate?

GENTLE READER: It was always Miss Manners' belief that one threw a housewarming party to welcome a few intimate friends to see the new house. As that house will not be able to attend, what is the purpose of the party?

She hopes the answer is not "Presents!" which are properly incidental and absolutely not required. The only events at which the guest of honor is not expected to participate are baby showers and funerals.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepchildren were dropped at our house and sent in with fast food to eat. As there are other children in the household, and as I was raised if you don't have enough for everyone, you don't take it, I sent their mother the following message:

"In the future, please do not send fast food in with the kids. It is very disrespectful to the other kids that live in this house and are limited on the amount of fast food they are allowed."

This message then lead to a verbal confrontation, as she states that I have no right to tell her what her kids can or cannot bring into the house, and that the only one who was rude was me for sending her a message like that. I explained that I will stand up for my children whenever necessary and will not have them being disrespected in their own home.

We try to keep a level playing field in our home for all of the children, but it has been quite difficult. The animosity between the children due to repeated situations comparable to this are making it even more difficult.

Was she in the wrong, or was I, or were both of us?

GENTLE READER: Shared custody is challenging when the parties have already agreed that they no longer wish to share -- that, in fact, the only remaining solution is separate households. But then, that separation should be treated with dignity and the recognition that each parent (or stepparent) is free, within reason, to set rules under each separate roof.

Your dealing with the children's mother may reflect a wish not to put the children in the middle, although the high-horse talk about disrespect -- instead of merely asking if the children could finish their snacks beforehand -- was bound to be taken as a challenge.

The rules in their mother's house allow fast food; those in yours do not. Once you make this clear to the children themselves without insulting their mother, Miss Manners assures you they will figure out on their own how to use the 50 feet from the car to your door to avoid having their fast food end up in the trash can.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to have a female pallbearer?

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners keeps pointing out about bridal attendants, the important factor is not gender but the tie to the person being attended. So, yes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)