DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year my best friend, who lives out of town, gave me a kitchen gadget for a birthday gift. I appreciated it, but it was something I didn't want or need and was just taking up space in my kitchen. I eventually got rid of it.

Recently, she spent the night at my home during a weekend visit and wanted to prepare breakfast as a way of thanking me for hosting her. In the middle of cooking, she asked where the gadget was so she could use it.

I came up with some pathetic excuse about leaving it at my mother's house. We all know where liars go, so can you please give me a better answer than the story I came up with?

GENTLE READER: Where? Where do they go? Miss Manners is no theologian, but she believes that it cannot be a place far from the people who use "I'm just being honest" as an excuse to hurt others' feelings.

Blunt honesty is not always the highest moral policy. Besides, saying that you left the item at someone's house isn't necessarily untrue. If you gave it to charity or even threw it away, who knows where it ended up?

If your friend asks again, tell her that you didn't have the heart to take it back. Just don't be shocked if you or your mother receives a replacement. And while it sounds like your friend's inquiry was perfectly innocent (and not meant to be checking up on you), it is generally considered rude to inquire after a present you have been given, just for this reason.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A new but good friend invited me to vacation with her at the beach for a low cost. It was just one room, and I warned my friend that I would need time to myself. I am an introvert and my friend is an extrovert.

Well, she never left me alone. She chatted day and night, and, because she was so pushy at getting her way on just about everything, we had a couple of pretty bad arguments.

She mentioned a later vacation, and I said I didn't want to go. She replied, "Good, because maybe you won't be invited."

Today I received a voicemail from her inviting me to go to Jamaica for a week at a low cost. I'd love to go, but just not with her. I also can't afford it, even at the low price. How can I keep her friendship, but tell her no, I don't want to go?

GENTLE READER: Well, you cannot have her pay for the vacation without including her, if that is what you are thinking. That is an even faster way of destroying the friendship than going with her or not going at all.

Forgive Miss Manners for thinking the worst, but you did plant the idea. "I'm so sorry, but I just can't" is what you should say. No excuses are necessary, but if she presses for a reason, you can mention work or it being a bad time, as long as you do not mention money, except to characterize her invitation as extremely generous.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ten years ago -- yes, 10 years ago -- my son applied for a job at HotShot University. He did not get it. However, my husband was so sure he would get it that he told a friend about the application, which meant that my husband had to tell the friend later that our son did not get the job.

This friend's wife, who is sort of a "frenemy," has latched onto this information, and every time my son comes up in conversation, she manages to bring it up, saying things like, "Gee, it's a shame he didn't get that job at HotShot he wanted" -- as if everything he has accomplished has been for naught because of that.

I am really tired of this and have started pretending I don't know what she's talking about (did I mention it's been 10 years?), but I think she knows I am faking. What to do?

GENTLE READER: Tempting as it is to fight back -- "You know, it seemed like a disappointment at the time, but only imagine if he had gotten it. He would not have run for Congress, and he wouldn't be president today" -- the best course is to laugh.

Your friend's wife either means to hurt you or she is stunningly thoughtless. In either case, your finding it humorous that she still remembers it after 10 years is not the response she is looking for -- and should therefore discourage further repetitions. Miss Manners trusts that your husband, meanwhile, has learned his lesson several times over.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am at a restaurant and spot a professional acquaintance (and they notice me), is there a "status" to be observed when deciding whether to approach their table or waiting until they approach me?

GENTLE READER: In the days before cellular telephones introduced the notion of total accessibility, the desirability of separating one's personal and professional lives was better understood -- not to mention the days when eating in a restaurant was an occasional, not a daily, occurrence.

One must recognize an acquaintance, but, in the situation you describe, that acknowledgment should be brief. The standing party approaches the sitting party, says a few words and departs. If both parties are sitting, a nod of the head is sufficient.

The salesman or the politician who sees an "opportunity" proceeds without Miss Manners' support. And the boss who thinks he is bestowing a favor by inviting an employee to join his table -- instead of proceeding with his daughter's birthday dinner -- needs to reread his own statements about how family-friendly his company is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am at a restaurant and spot a professional acquaintance (and they notice me), is there a "status" to be observed when deciding whether to approach their table or waiting until they approach me?

GENTLE READER: In the days before cellular telephones introduced the notion of total accessibility, the desirability of separating one's personal and professional lives was better understood -- not to mention the days when eating in a restaurant was an occasional, not a daily, occurrence.

One must recognize an acquaintance, but, in the situation you describe, that acknowledgment should be brief. The standing party approaches the sitting party, says a few words and departs. If both parties are sitting, a nod of the head is sufficient.

The salesman or the politician who sees an "opportunity" proceeds without Miss Manners' support. And the boss who thinks he is bestowing a favor by inviting an employee to join his table -- instead of proceeding with his daughter's birthday dinner -- needs to reread his own statements about how family-friendly his company is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A major source of irritation is telephone callers who do not identify themselves when calling. I was always taught to announce myself -- "Hello, this is (my name). May I please speak to ..."

My husband's grown children are the primary culprits, but when I bring up the subject with my husband, he tells me I am hopelessly old-fashioned.

I am being forbearing on this issue, which leads me to have conversations with unidentified callers for several minutes until I can guess who they are when they finally ask for "Dad."

Should I gently try to remind callers of the correct way to place a phone call, or is my husband correct in thinking me a throwback to a more orderly age?

GENTLE READER: "Old-fashioned" is often used as an effective insult, Miss Manners gathers, although it certainly does not frighten her. Ordinarily, her Gentle Readers who are accused of this, and plaintively ask her if they are guilty, are merely resisting a new form of rudeness.

But superficial circumstances do change, and so did the telephone system. Most people now know from a glance who is calling before they answer (or don't answer) their telephones. True, there may be exceptions, such as land lines that are used by more than one person. Still, the normal expectation is that the telephone itself has already done the job of identification.

So there is really no need for this situation to be the cause of family conflict. If your stepchildren call from numbers that do not give their names, you should merely explain that, and ask them to identify themselves when they do so. And if your telephone does not give identifications, you should point out that it is that, rather than you, which is out of date.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems I am one of a handful who thinks pies and cakes are cut differently. Help finish this debate.

GENTLE READER: Why? It's such a refreshing clash of opinions in these contentious times.

But yes, there is a rarely observed difference between attacking pies and cakes, although the objective in each case is to cut wedges.

Pies tend to be sloppier, so a broad-based, triangular-bladed knife is used.

And although that works perfectly well to cut a cake, there also exists a cake-breaker, with long, needle-like tines that would make a mess of pies, but is good for taller, drier cakes. For huge cakes, such as wedding cakes, there is an elongated cake knife, and military bridegrooms can supply swords.

Miss Manners hopes this is sufficiently complicated as to allow the debate to continue. Goodness knows what you might be arguing about if you settled this.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece has asked me for ideas for a baby shower she wants to give for her expecting daughter. I don't know how to respond without hurting her feelings. How can I gently tell her it's not proper for a mother to give a shower for her own daughter?

GENTLE READER: When you find out, please tell Miss Manners. She has been pointing this out for years, and it doesn't seem to help.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)