DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and as soon as I met him he instantly wanted me to meet all his friends, which I thought was so sweet. I met the whole lot, and loved all of them ... EXCEPT for one -- my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend.

She apparently wanted to date my boyfriend years ago, but he was never interested in her, so she turned to his best friend and settled. For years, she kept a very protective eye over my now-boyfriend, so when I came into the picture it didn't matter how nice I was, she was going to dislike me.

I've made absolutely every effort with her, but she actually refused to acknowledge my existence for this whole year I've been with my boyfriend. By this I literally mean, if I said hello to her, she would turn away; if I asked her how her day was, she would start talking to someone else; if I walked into the room, she would leave, etc.

All the while my boyfriend did his best to kindly tell her to be polite and that she was being rude; however, I felt he mainly wanted to stay out of girl drama, so I did my best to remain positive and kind.

Recently she sent me an email saying she was sorry if her actions "hurt my feelings," but that she was bad at relating with other girls and recommended I shouldn't take it personally.

I sighed. I felt as though she wasn't very sorry at all, and in fact was merely choosing not to practice something I feel we should've all mastered by now: common decency.

How would you respond to her rather lackluster apology in a dignified and graceful way while still nudging that her behavior is inappropriate and needs to be changed? Also, while not upsetting my boyfriend -- who I'm sure will be forwarded a copy of anything I reply back to her.

GENTLE READER: We can agree that the non-ex-girlfriend is unrepentant, but her non-apology is less potent than she believes. She hopes it will satisfy your boyfriend that she has apologized, while making clear to you that it is your reaction, not her behavior, which is at fault.

Your message should negate those terms: "I appreciate your apology and look forward to your thinking of me as an individual, rather than only one of 'other girls,' once we get to know each other."

If the behavior does not change, you will have done your best, and Miss Manners will second your taking the whole problem back to your beau.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I approach my mother and her boyfriend when they are whispering while I am in the same area of the house?

My mother invited me to stay. I am from out of state. I can't go anywhere since I don't have a car. She is 75 miles from my sisters.

GENTLE READER: Begin speaking as you approach them, so as to give warning. While it is possible they were discussing your departure, Miss Manners agrees it would be best if you not attempt to find out.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family suffered a flooding disaster, resulting in temporary displacement from our home. We are currently in the repair process and have received numerous gifts ranging from hot meals, to clothing and shoes for our children, to help demolishing aspects of the home in preparation for repair.

How should one thank people? Would people expect a thank-you note in this circumstance?

GENTLE READER: Don't you WANT to thank them?

Of course, you will have thanked them at the time. But a letter is a serious way of showing appreciation, beyond the simple spoken thanks you toss off for trivial courtesies.

When you ask if thanks are expected, Miss Manners hopes that you are not implying that this is a form of payment demanded by those who have been kind to you. Thanks are expected, on the part of generous people, in the sense that they want to hear that their contributions were appreciated because they made a difference.

Miss Manners imagines that these efforts have indeed been valuable to you. And even if they were not, she would want you to understand that such was the intention and react accordingly.

If they have not inspired you to express your gratitude, they should at least suggest to you how useful it is to be the beneficiary of largesse, and make you want to encourage that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My close cousin is getting married to a wonderful gentleman this summer in America. However, I currently live in Asia. The wedding date had been known for ages, and I am traveling home specifically to go to the wedding. My cousin and I coordinated my plane ticket together, to make sure I could attend and still have plenty of time to see family.

I had just received the invitation here in Asia. However, due to mailing circumstances and distance, the deadline is much closer than I thought to send it back. I have sent the RSVP out, but it will not make it in time.

In this case, I regretfully sent an email message to my cousin that I graciously accept the invitation, but that the RSVP would not return to her in time.

Other adults in my area think this was a bit of a faux pas. But I feel that given the circumstances, I did the best I could do.

Who is correct in this circumstance? Did I do the right thing? Should I do something different in the future?

GENTLE READER: As you both answered the invitation properly, in the form in which it was given, and also had the consideration to reassure your cousin that you would indeed be attending as planned, Miss Manners can think of only one thing you should have done differently: that would be not to solicit general opinion about a problem that you solved graciously and sensibly on your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: From time to time, when I do an act of kindness or generosity with no agenda (although I don't mind being well thought-of), the recipient reacts with, "You shouldn't have" or "You didn't have to." In the latter case, I sometimes smile and say, "The only thing I have to do is die." Is there an appropriate verbal response I can proffer in those situations?

GENTLE READER: "But I wanted to."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a party last weekend where there were drinks, a buffet, music and conversation. It was all very pleasant until a few people (not the host or hostess) decided to turn off the music and play videos for the crowd on their phones instead.

The party suddenly became a quiet mass of people huddled around a smartphone. And folks in the other parts of the house could no longer hear the music that had been playing.

The hostess was very gracious but visibly annoyed. I find that this sort of behavior has become more and more common at parties, and I wonder, what is a host or hostess to do when their party is commandeered by funny cat videos?

GENTLE READER? What, indeed?

Miss Manners commends this particular hostess for her patience. If she had been feeling even more generous, she could have offered to display the cat videos on her television or computer for all to see. This would have the effect of making the activity more communal, while drawing attention to the fact that only a few were participating.

But more likely, the difficulty of its technical execution would be time-consuming enough that everyone would get bored with it and resume more social activity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We're going to the wedding of an old friend's son, and sent the couple a lovely, generous gift from their registry. The thank-you note we received is generic, and my wife is insulted.

Should this be a teaching moment for the bride, and if so, how should we handle this? Or do we just accept that some people don't have a clue?

GENTLE READER: It is with a heavily trodden-upon heart that Miss Manners informs you that getting a thank-you letter at all is scores above what most guests receive.

Registries are generic to begin with -- after all, you are generously ticking off items on a shopping list -- so it is not surprising that their thank-you notes reflect that.

One day, everyone will see the joy of a registry-less world, where presents are voluntary, thoughtful and unsolicited. Then, thank-you letters that express genuine gratitude for true thoughtfulness will follow.

In the meantime, Miss Manners would not recommend that you chastise this couple for at least acknowledging the unpleasant arrangement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was eating lunch at a public counter yesterday when an elderly lady (a stranger) came up to me, put her arm around me and started talking. I was so startled that I just responded, "Please don't touch me!" in a loud voice.

She backed up and murmured something, and her male companion said something under his breath. Was there a better way for me to have responded?

GENTLE READER: Probably. Miss Manners is given to a more genteel squeal in such instances.

But as this was a stranger, and you didn't know her intentions or her state of mental health, your reaction was acceptable and the message the same: Do not startle a stranger if you do not want a startled reaction.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)