DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents own season tickets for our local team. Several times a year, they are unable to attend and offer their tickets to my husband and me. Sometimes the timing is not good and we politely decline, but often we enthusiastically accept.

For the first time ever, we did not attend a game for which we had tickets. The game occurred during a very hectic week, and we decided at the last minute that we’d prefer to spend a quiet night resting at home.

Unfortunately, friends of my parents noticed that the seats were empty and reported this to my parents, who are now quite hurt.

Was it rude of us not to attend the game? We greatly appreciate my parents’ generosity and fully intended to go when we accepted the tickets. I don’t know that it would serve my parents any better if we turned down all of their offers of tickets because of the very small chance that something might prevent us from attending.

GENTLE READER: Did you get that rest? The tone of your conclusion makes Miss Manners think that another quiet night at home would be a good investment.

Turning down all future ticket offers will not serve them right -- or wrong.

Miss Manners does not suggest that it was rude of you to skip the game. But she does understand why your parents might have appreciated a last-minute effort to notify them and to discuss what might be done. Perhaps there was a friend who would have gladly forfeited a restful night at home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend, who I dated a couple of times, asked me to be his valentine (received card and gifts). I accepted.

Now, what should I do? Should I reciprocate with an invitation to do something?

GENTLE READER: Like what?

You two have established a romantic bond. Surely it is time for Miss Manners to leave you on your own to develop it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love my dad to death. However, whenever my wife and I come to visit and we’re eating a meal, he makes a big point of saying to my mom, “Sure is good!”

This is generally only seconds into the meal. The implication is that we should have said something first.

I have at times tried to solve this by quickly taking the first bite and then beating him to the punch with the first compliment. Conversely, at other times I’ve not said anything, to let him know he can’t pressure me. Argggh!

GENTLE READER: If you have to gulp your food to get in a compliment before your father, then he is not trying to change your behavior -- at least not successfully.

He is, however, being quite successful at irritating you, and this is in your control. In his defense, Miss Manners points out that he may think he is defending your mother, and simply likes her cooking. If she knows how much you appreciate her efforts -- which you can show in other ways, such as thanking her at the end of the evening -- then you may enjoy your meal without implications.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m writing to ask the proper way for me to ask my boyfriend to marry me.

Since I don’t think he would want an engagement ring (he doesn’t wear any kind of jewelry or accessories), I don’t want to present one, but it does seem like the situation warrants some gesture of that nature. (Personally, I do want an engagement ring and do not mind paying for it myself, but I’m sure Miss Manners will agree it would be tacky to make that part of the proposal.)

Does Miss Manners have any suggestions about the appropriate way to handle a nontraditional situation like this? Asking him to ask me to marry him seems a bit ridiculous.

If it makes any difference, there is no doubt in my mind the answer will be yes.

GENTLE READER: Then allow Miss Manners to wish you and the fortunate gentleman great happiness.

Now let’s talk about accompanying jewelry:

Engagement rings have gotten out of hand, so to speak. They can, of course, be charming, but they are not essential to an agreement to marry.

As you surmise, a proposal attached to the requirement that you get a ring would not be a good idea. Yet that is what people have come to believe must be a part of the male proposal of marriage.

The custom seems to have shifted from the already-engaged couple choosing a ring together to a ring’s being part of the offer. Thus, the proposer has to select it alone, and the proposee is distracted by examining jewelry while pondering (or not) that life-changing question.

Miss Manners has heard from more than one lady who was happy to spend her life with a particular gentleman, but not enthusiastic about spending it wearing that particular ring. And presumably there are also ladies who wished to accept the ring but not the gentleman proffering it.

So she would suggest that you concentrate on expressing your love and your hopes for your joint lives ahead. Later, you may hint that you would like a ring, or merely announce that you are thinking of buying one so that people will see tangible evidence that you are engaged -- or stop asking why you don’t have one.

You could also consider dispensing with an engagement ring and perhaps acquiring some sparkle in the wedding ring that you and your fiance select.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who should host a baby shower?

GENTLE READER: No one who stands to benefit from the shower of presents associated with such an occasion.

So first, that means the baby. But also his or her prospective parents, grandparents and other close relatives.

Once, Miss Manners would have thought it unnecessary to specify that one should not say, in effect, “I have a great idea for a party -- everybody will get together and give me (or my daughter/granddaughter/sister) presents.”

Nowadays, she realizes sadly, it is. Well-wishing friends are the proper hosts for a baby shower.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a house party held in the home of an antiques dealer whose home was filled with magnificent furniture. In the distant past, a friend of mine and I talked often about how one must be taught to sit properly in any chair.

Well, as you would imagine, an oversized guest at this party sat indelicately on a small, expensive antique chair and broke one of the legs. The hostess was in another room. I heard and saw the crack because I was nearby. The chair was definitely seriously damaged.

Moments later, I left with another guest who gave me a ride home. I never told the hostess. Was I wrong? And, if I was supposed to tell the hostess, just how could I do that without embarrassing the awkward guest?

GENTLE READER: The hostess was going to find out whether you told her or not -- and was probably going to make her own assumptions about the culprit.

Miss Manners fears that the only reason to have told her would be to recuse yourself from blame. The guest who broke it should have confessed and offered to repair the damage. Perhaps he or she did; you left shortly after the crack. But not much good could come from your turning that person in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I teach in a large high school, and two of my fellow teachers have now suffered the tragic loss of a family member. In one case, the father of my colleague did not have life insurance, and the cost of undertaking services fell on his shoulders. The staff took up a collection to which I was happy to contribute.

Then another teacher lost an unborn child very late in the pregnancy. Of course, my heart went out to this family. Again, we took up a collection to buy gift cards for things the family may need.

That family was deeply saddened, but in no financial crisis. In my day, we might collect for flowers or a tree that the family could plant in memory. If we were close to a family suffering a loss, we would take over a meal, so the gift cards may substitute for that meal.

We all were upset by the loss, but is a monetary gift appropriate? I am uncomfortable with this to the point that I don't want my personal losses shared in fear that any loss might be met with a financial gift. No amount of money can replace a loved one.

GENTLE READER: No, but people often don't know what to say or do when tragedy strikes, and the first colleague's financial situation gave the staff a specific purpose for their donations. Unfortunately, that set a precedent.

You could lead a movement away from automatic public solicitations, regardless of financial circumstances, by initiating a gift of food or flowers the next time tragedy strikes.

Miss Manners sincerely hopes that no one believes a financial reward is payment for grief -- even if wayward lawyers would often have you believe so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)