DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m writing to ask the proper way for me to ask my boyfriend to marry me.

Since I don’t think he would want an engagement ring (he doesn’t wear any kind of jewelry or accessories), I don’t want to present one, but it does seem like the situation warrants some gesture of that nature. (Personally, I do want an engagement ring and do not mind paying for it myself, but I’m sure Miss Manners will agree it would be tacky to make that part of the proposal.)

Does Miss Manners have any suggestions about the appropriate way to handle a nontraditional situation like this? Asking him to ask me to marry him seems a bit ridiculous.

If it makes any difference, there is no doubt in my mind the answer will be yes.

GENTLE READER: Then allow Miss Manners to wish you and the fortunate gentleman great happiness.

Now let’s talk about accompanying jewelry:

Engagement rings have gotten out of hand, so to speak. They can, of course, be charming, but they are not essential to an agreement to marry.

As you surmise, a proposal attached to the requirement that you get a ring would not be a good idea. Yet that is what people have come to believe must be a part of the male proposal of marriage.

The custom seems to have shifted from the already-engaged couple choosing a ring together to a ring’s being part of the offer. Thus, the proposer has to select it alone, and the proposee is distracted by examining jewelry while pondering (or not) that life-changing question.

Miss Manners has heard from more than one lady who was happy to spend her life with a particular gentleman, but not enthusiastic about spending it wearing that particular ring. And presumably there are also ladies who wished to accept the ring but not the gentleman proffering it.

So she would suggest that you concentrate on expressing your love and your hopes for your joint lives ahead. Later, you may hint that you would like a ring, or merely announce that you are thinking of buying one so that people will see tangible evidence that you are engaged -- or stop asking why you don’t have one.

You could also consider dispensing with an engagement ring and perhaps acquiring some sparkle in the wedding ring that you and your fiance select.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who should host a baby shower?

GENTLE READER: No one who stands to benefit from the shower of presents associated with such an occasion.

So first, that means the baby. But also his or her prospective parents, grandparents and other close relatives.

Once, Miss Manners would have thought it unnecessary to specify that one should not say, in effect, “I have a great idea for a party -- everybody will get together and give me (or my daughter/granddaughter/sister) presents.”

Nowadays, she realizes sadly, it is. Well-wishing friends are the proper hosts for a baby shower.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a house party held in the home of an antiques dealer whose home was filled with magnificent furniture. In the distant past, a friend of mine and I talked often about how one must be taught to sit properly in any chair.

Well, as you would imagine, an oversized guest at this party sat indelicately on a small, expensive antique chair and broke one of the legs. The hostess was in another room. I heard and saw the crack because I was nearby. The chair was definitely seriously damaged.

Moments later, I left with another guest who gave me a ride home. I never told the hostess. Was I wrong? And, if I was supposed to tell the hostess, just how could I do that without embarrassing the awkward guest?

GENTLE READER: The hostess was going to find out whether you told her or not -- and was probably going to make her own assumptions about the culprit.

Miss Manners fears that the only reason to have told her would be to recuse yourself from blame. The guest who broke it should have confessed and offered to repair the damage. Perhaps he or she did; you left shortly after the crack. But not much good could come from your turning that person in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I teach in a large high school, and two of my fellow teachers have now suffered the tragic loss of a family member. In one case, the father of my colleague did not have life insurance, and the cost of undertaking services fell on his shoulders. The staff took up a collection to which I was happy to contribute.

Then another teacher lost an unborn child very late in the pregnancy. Of course, my heart went out to this family. Again, we took up a collection to buy gift cards for things the family may need.

That family was deeply saddened, but in no financial crisis. In my day, we might collect for flowers or a tree that the family could plant in memory. If we were close to a family suffering a loss, we would take over a meal, so the gift cards may substitute for that meal.

We all were upset by the loss, but is a monetary gift appropriate? I am uncomfortable with this to the point that I don't want my personal losses shared in fear that any loss might be met with a financial gift. No amount of money can replace a loved one.

GENTLE READER: No, but people often don't know what to say or do when tragedy strikes, and the first colleague's financial situation gave the staff a specific purpose for their donations. Unfortunately, that set a precedent.

You could lead a movement away from automatic public solicitations, regardless of financial circumstances, by initiating a gift of food or flowers the next time tragedy strikes.

Miss Manners sincerely hopes that no one believes a financial reward is payment for grief -- even if wayward lawyers would often have you believe so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regarding etiquette in a car, what are the extent and limits of the driver's authority?

Does the driver decide where to go, as well as how to get there? Should he or she discuss each likely stop or detour? Should he or she yield to the passenger's wishes regarding stops or detours?

The attitude of the driver to the passenger seems to be like a bride's toward her attendants, though milder and potentially more consequential.

I've been on both sides of the console and have been shocked by my own unwillingness to consult the passenger about details of the trip that would certainly be discussed if we were on the train. There seems to be something special that arises when someone is "in the driver's seat" -- exacerbated, possibly, by the prevalence of solo commuters, whose car is their domain.

GENTLE READER: The phrase "in the driver's seat" is not commonly understood to mandate consultation -- or even basic compassion. This is unfortunate.

That the driver has the power, either figuratively or literally, to swerve into oncoming traffic does not, to Miss Manners' thinking, make doing so a good idea. The polite driver consults his guest's reasonable comfort, whether that means clearing errands that will lengthen the trip or submitting to bathroom stops without argument or comment.

This is true even if the driver is bestowing a favor. The rider may "only be along for the ride," but a driver's authority stops short of the point at which a ride home feels like a kidnapping.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate gift for second-year wives to give husbands? Just a card? Or should I get a special gift for him?

GENTLE READER: Is he special?

Miss Manners asks because you have had two years, plus courtship, to get to know the gentleman, and she has never had the privilege of meeting him. She therefore gently suggests that you are in a better position to know what would please him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been an executive assistant for a while now in Washington, D.C. My first job was for a small Catholic university; the second, with a prominent nonprofit organization that relies heavily on donors.

When processing expense reports, I often see large receipts for cab rides, and this drives me nuts. It's not as if one can call getting to their normal work a "work expense." I think that I am mostly bothered by this because donors are paying for these petty expenses. Am I out of line?

GENTLE READER: Your desire that donors' money be well spent is admirable. But as you are not the boss, any attempt by you to unilaterally establish company policy is unlikely to be well-received.

Next time you are asked to process such an expense, Miss Manners recommends that you ask for a clear business policy to guide you. You will then be in a position to answer your own question.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)