DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was out for drinks with a friend who works in the same industry as I do. I was telling her about my transition out of my last job and how difficult is was because my boss didn't want me to leave. I was sharing that my former boss made me an outrageous offer to stay and that I politely declined, saying that it was time for me to move on.

My friend looked puzzled and shocked. After a moment or two, she leaned in and said that she was told by my former boss that I had been let go for "strategic reasons."

I have a wonderful new job that I love, and I'm generally liked and respected by my colleagues and peers, so I'm not terribly worried that this rumor will be believed, but I am pretty angry that she would go around spreading it. My husband thinks I should say something to her because she is trying to ruin my reputation. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Are you quite sure this remark wasn't made out of exasperation at your saying how valued you are?

In any case, that is the way Miss Manners recommends your telling the story to your former co-workers, with whom you seem to keep in touch. A story ridiculing oneself gets around more than a complaint.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker I am also close friends with is a wonderful employee and an amazing mother, but she quite often -- with no warning -- shows up to work with one or more of her kids. This is usually because they are out of school with colds or fevers, or sometimes just because.

We work with a lot of valuable electrical equipment and have a consistent flow of clients and "fans" who come in. She keeps her kids here in a room with her that is communal to the other employees, who have their own families they're trying not to get sick. Her kids also show up in pictures later wearing/using very expensive pieces of equipment from their time here.

They are very well-behaved children and have never caused a problem, although they do sidetrack her from other tasks and chat a lot with other workers while they're at the office. I respect my co-worker so much and don't want to come across like I'm judging or instructing her as a parent, but some things are just unnecessary, inconvenient and inappropriate for a professional setting.

GENTLE READER: You are understandably confused. Your co-worker is your friend. Your potential clients are fans. And you are unsure whether you are giving parental or professional advice.

But your co-worker/friend is equally confused. She does not know if she is at work or at home. Sick people do not belong in an office, nor should professional equipment be used as toys.

Miss Manners advises you to refer the matter to the person you have forgotten to mention but who has the most interest in a resolution: the boss. The idea is not to tattle or complain, but to express sympathy and suggest leniency in allowing parents to meet emergencies.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been in politics professionally for more than 30 years. I also shoot trap and skeet recreationally. Friends and extended family often ask my opinions on any number of political issues, including gun control.

You probably know that means they want to inform me of their opinions, which I already know and do not need any more information. In some cases there are issues I cannot discuss.

For the past few years I have been responding that I prefer not to discuss politics. It's been effective, but I feel I'm being pompous and rude. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: As great a believer as Miss Manners is in deflecting nosy questions and avoiding explosive topics, she is astounded at the idea of a professional politician declaring that he will not discuss politics.

You do not say whether you are an office-holder or a strategist, but in either case, you insult members of the public by refusing to talk about political issues.

Yet you already hold the key to a response that is not just polite, but flattering. That is your realization that people want you to listen to them.

Yes, they probably just want to vent. But another name for that is making their views known to someone in a position to make, or at least influence, policy. However much you think you have heard everything they might have to say, it is arrogant and politically dangerous to assume you can dismiss their feedback.

That is not to say that you have to engage in an argument about gun control or other issues. But you do have to hear people out, thank them for their views, and tell them that you are thinking about their point of view, even though you differ with them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What and when is the polite way to ask someone's race or country of origin?

I understand that doing so immediately upon being introduced makes people uncomfortable. But later in conversation, when it's typical to ask get-to-know-you questions like "What do you do for a living?" how can I politely ask, "Where are you from?" or more likely, "Where are your parents from?"

If they seem to be mixed race, how can I ask which? If they have an accent, how can I ask what it is, in a way they'll like?

I really appreciate it when people offer this info so I don't have to ask, but what if they don't? Please suggest a conversation starter!

GENTLE READER: You could start by giving your own provenance, and then allowing others a chance to chime in with theirs.

But Miss Manners cautions you to end with this, as well, unless your interlocutor responds in kind. Some people like to discuss their backgrounds, but others feel as if they are being appraised, or are just plain weary of explaining themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely tell someone they talk much too much and should just shut up?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you; I enjoyed hearing this. Now if you'll excuse me ..."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker invited me to her home for a potluck dinner and a pay-per-view fight. I've never been interested in ultimate fighting, but I happily engaged with the hosts and other guests before and after the fight.

During the fight itself, I sat quietly on a lounge chair and read a book on my e-reader. I'm not sure whether anyone noticed, or if anyone else was engaged in anything beyond eating and spectating.

My husband says it was rude to read during the fight. I say that I was sitting in the back using a non-lighted screen (so screen brightness wouldn't have distracted others) and so therefore my behavior was fine. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That your husband was correct. Whether or not you were caught, Miss Manners assures you that pulling out your own entertainment communicates to your hosts that you find theirs boring.

If you were invited to dinner and found the conversation not to your liking, would you do the same? You were invited to watch the fight and, as you accepted, it would have been polite at least to make the pretense of being interested in it. Or you could have found other ways to occupy yourself, perhaps freeing the hosts to watch by asking to help replenish drinks and snacks. The effect should be of looking after other people's entertainment, not exclusively your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I realize there are numerous ways to communicate besides personal phone calls, email, or what certain persons like to call "snail mail."

What are your thoughts on sending a text message as a "thank you" for a holiday gift even though the sender does not necessarily know whether the recipient actually uses text messaging?

I am not a young person, and I do not use text messages to communicate. In fact, I am recently retired (a fact the sender does know). This year, in response to a gift sent to a family, I heard nothing for quite awhile until one day my cellphone made a "funny" noise. After poking around with it, I discovered that there was, in fact, a text message that read something like ... "Thank you for the package." It was not signed and did not describe what was in the package.

Since I had sent several such "packages," it took me a while to realize who sent the text (process of elimination: I heard from all others by phone or snail mail).

Can you enlighten me on the etiquette of this type of thank-you "note"?

GENTLE READER: You hardly require Miss Manners to tell you how thoughtless and perfunctory this form of thanks was.

Even among regular texters, that is much too informal a means of conveying thanks. And to refer to a present merely as a "package" would be insulting even if handwritten on linen paper.

Perhaps she can enlighten you about the subtext. Her interpretation of that is that these people are far too busy to bother with receiving presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)