DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been in politics professionally for more than 30 years. I also shoot trap and skeet recreationally. Friends and extended family often ask my opinions on any number of political issues, including gun control.

You probably know that means they want to inform me of their opinions, which I already know and do not need any more information. In some cases there are issues I cannot discuss.

For the past few years I have been responding that I prefer not to discuss politics. It's been effective, but I feel I'm being pompous and rude. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: As great a believer as Miss Manners is in deflecting nosy questions and avoiding explosive topics, she is astounded at the idea of a professional politician declaring that he will not discuss politics.

You do not say whether you are an office-holder or a strategist, but in either case, you insult members of the public by refusing to talk about political issues.

Yet you already hold the key to a response that is not just polite, but flattering. That is your realization that people want you to listen to them.

Yes, they probably just want to vent. But another name for that is making their views known to someone in a position to make, or at least influence, policy. However much you think you have heard everything they might have to say, it is arrogant and politically dangerous to assume you can dismiss their feedback.

That is not to say that you have to engage in an argument about gun control or other issues. But you do have to hear people out, thank them for their views, and tell them that you are thinking about their point of view, even though you differ with them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What and when is the polite way to ask someone's race or country of origin?

I understand that doing so immediately upon being introduced makes people uncomfortable. But later in conversation, when it's typical to ask get-to-know-you questions like "What do you do for a living?" how can I politely ask, "Where are you from?" or more likely, "Where are your parents from?"

If they seem to be mixed race, how can I ask which? If they have an accent, how can I ask what it is, in a way they'll like?

I really appreciate it when people offer this info so I don't have to ask, but what if they don't? Please suggest a conversation starter!

GENTLE READER: You could start by giving your own provenance, and then allowing others a chance to chime in with theirs.

But Miss Manners cautions you to end with this, as well, unless your interlocutor responds in kind. Some people like to discuss their backgrounds, but others feel as if they are being appraised, or are just plain weary of explaining themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely tell someone they talk much too much and should just shut up?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you; I enjoyed hearing this. Now if you'll excuse me ..."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker invited me to her home for a potluck dinner and a pay-per-view fight. I've never been interested in ultimate fighting, but I happily engaged with the hosts and other guests before and after the fight.

During the fight itself, I sat quietly on a lounge chair and read a book on my e-reader. I'm not sure whether anyone noticed, or if anyone else was engaged in anything beyond eating and spectating.

My husband says it was rude to read during the fight. I say that I was sitting in the back using a non-lighted screen (so screen brightness wouldn't have distracted others) and so therefore my behavior was fine. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That your husband was correct. Whether or not you were caught, Miss Manners assures you that pulling out your own entertainment communicates to your hosts that you find theirs boring.

If you were invited to dinner and found the conversation not to your liking, would you do the same? You were invited to watch the fight and, as you accepted, it would have been polite at least to make the pretense of being interested in it. Or you could have found other ways to occupy yourself, perhaps freeing the hosts to watch by asking to help replenish drinks and snacks. The effect should be of looking after other people's entertainment, not exclusively your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I realize there are numerous ways to communicate besides personal phone calls, email, or what certain persons like to call "snail mail."

What are your thoughts on sending a text message as a "thank you" for a holiday gift even though the sender does not necessarily know whether the recipient actually uses text messaging?

I am not a young person, and I do not use text messages to communicate. In fact, I am recently retired (a fact the sender does know). This year, in response to a gift sent to a family, I heard nothing for quite awhile until one day my cellphone made a "funny" noise. After poking around with it, I discovered that there was, in fact, a text message that read something like ... "Thank you for the package." It was not signed and did not describe what was in the package.

Since I had sent several such "packages," it took me a while to realize who sent the text (process of elimination: I heard from all others by phone or snail mail).

Can you enlighten me on the etiquette of this type of thank-you "note"?

GENTLE READER: You hardly require Miss Manners to tell you how thoughtless and perfunctory this form of thanks was.

Even among regular texters, that is much too informal a means of conveying thanks. And to refer to a present merely as a "package" would be insulting even if handwritten on linen paper.

Perhaps she can enlighten you about the subtext. Her interpretation of that is that these people are far too busy to bother with receiving presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am spending the holidays with my boyfriend's family for the first time. I asked my boyfriend what his family dinners are like, and he mentioned that after dinner the women clean and the men talk and watch sports on TV.

These outdated gender roles go against both of our beliefs. I don't mind helping clean, but it bothers me that the men will just be sitting around.

My boyfriend says it bothers his sisters too, but that no one has done anything about it. He offered to say something, but I know he really doesn't want to and is just doing it to make me happy.

What should I do? I don't want his family to think I'm rude by not cleaning, but I also don't want to encourage something that I don't believe in.

GENTLE READER: So, as a first-time visitor and non-relative at a family event, you could snap off the television set and order the men to the kitchen. It wouldn't do anything to spread your beliefs, but at least you would never again have to worry about the dynamics of this particular family.

Guests have no business acting as reformers. Still, Miss Manners supposes that you expect her to devise a more subtle way to plant the idea of change in this family, because of the possibility that you might someday join it. All right, all right.

One would be to ask the sisters, "Don't any of you want to watch the game?" and, if anyone says yes, to say, "You go ahead; I'll cover for you here. Or maybe you could send one of them in, in case anyone wants to join us."

Another would be to persuade your beau to insist upon helping clean up, and insisting equally forcefully that his mother go out and relax.

Either way would begin to suggest the idea of after-dinner division by interests, rather than by gender.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've asked my elderly neighbor (three times) not to call me Monday to Friday, 8 to 5, owing to the fact that I have a home business and can't be disturbed during that time.

I have an old phone so I don't have caller ID. I don't think I should have to get a new phone just to screen calls.

Despite my request, she continues to call me during the weekdays. Having her not respect my wishes is upsetting to me. What can I do to get her to stop calling me during the weekdays?

GENTLE READER: The confusion may be that you are saying one thing and doing another. Every time your neighbor calls, you answer, demonstrating conclusively that you are, in fact, available.

Miss Manners feels it is time for a dramatization. Next time she calls, excuse yourself and put down the phone without hanging up. When you return, apologize for being so busy, explaining that it is the middle of your working day. Several such interruptions should make the point without your having to resort to play-acting irate but imaginary customers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)