DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am caught between two people in a question of holiday meal etiquette. When my mother, the host, asks my longtime boyfriend whether/how he'd like a certain food, and he responds that he doesn't like something, she reacts with shock.

She drags out her exclamations of surprise, even when she has already been told about a certain food quirk. "I've never known anyone who doesn't like such-and-such!" she cries out, as if there must be something wrong with him. "You want such-and-such PLAIN? Oh-kayyy ..." she says with raised eyebrows.

At our last holiday meal, this made him very uncomfortable, and his conversational skills were somewhat lacking for most of the visit. His subsequent one-word answers, looks of annoyance and little sarcastic witticisms didn't help.

I feel conflicted. Sometimes being a good guest means taking a few bites of something you don't really like. But being an adult should mean that you can choose what goes into your body.

I'm sure my mother just isn't thinking when she reacts like this. It can't be fun to be a host who knows that one guest won't eat some of the offerings, but it can't be fun to be a guest who is asked what he likes, only to be treated like he's a weirdo when he answers.

I have tried to smooth things over as well as possible. When my mother asks me for holiday meal suggestions, I mention foods my boyfriend will like, and when these awkward back-and-forths take place, I try to distract from my mother's shock or laugh it off. It occurs to me that for the next meal, I could ask if I can bring a dish or two that I know my boyfriend will like.

I feel like all the pressure is on me to keep everyone happy. My mother and my boyfriend are wonderful people (especially when apart), but lately I've been fantasizing about taking a trip away from both of them for the rest of the holidays -- obviously not a realistic option.

GENTLE READER: These people are speaking different languages, and Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to translate.

Your beau understands your mother to be asking for a critique of various dishes, perhaps with the thought of learning his likes and dislikes so she can please him in the future.

This is not the case. Your mother is asking for compliments. That is always a bad idea, and it would be good if you could get her to stop -- but Miss Manners does not hold out much hope.

You might head her off if you could persuade your beau to issue a compliment -- a general one or, failing that, an enthusiastic response to something he does like. Perhaps you could teach him a little speech, such as, "I was never a sophisticated eater, Mrs. Neffen, but you are a wonderful cook and I'm learning."

Too hard? Tell him to put something -- anything -- into his mouth quickly, smile at her question, and say a long, drawn-out "Mmmmm!"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to respond to a good friend/pal when they ask, "Did you think of me today?" A friend responded on Facebook to one of his friends, "No, I did not," and the individual was very angry with that response. Is there a better way to respond?

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that if the friend did not want to receive one of only two possible answers to his question, that he should not have posed it. Not responding at all would have been the more accurate -- and telling -- answer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at the front desk of a prestigious office. Often we get the same visitors and they greet me by name, but usually my only responsibility to them is a friendly greeting as they pass my desk.

After a neck injury, I've taken to wearing a headset for the telephone, and I haven't yet figured out the correct way to handle visitors who can't tell if I am on the phone or not. Should I hang up the telephone or put the caller on hold just to say hello to someone who comes in regularly and is just giving pleasantries?

It seems strange to do that just to say hello. It was easy when I had a regular receiver, as those coming in would just wave and I'd wave back. What do you recommend?

GENTLE READER: That you continue to wave. But now that you have another hand freed up, Miss Manners suggests you use it to add a gesture -- something that indicates that the headset is replacing the receiver, like pointing to it with an apologetic, almost bewildered smile.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son's girlfriend will be joining us this year for Thanksgiving. She is a lovely person who also has celiac disease. I have modified the menu to avoid gluten (simple enough with a spread of vegetables and turkey -- stuffing has never been a huge seller on our table).

The meal will be gluten-free ... with one exception. I want to keep the traditional gravy made with flour. Thanksgiving is the one time of year I eat gravy, and it is my favorite part of the meal. I purchased a gluten-free gravy mix that I plan to prepare and serve with the meal so the young woman may have some of that if she likes.

My husband feels this is terribly rude because the alternative gravy will be inferior to the other. He thinks the appropriate thing would be for me to make one gluten-free gravy by modifying my recipe to use a non-gluten thickener (not a simple task).

Is my plan rude?

GENTLE READER: No. If your son's girlfriend is as lovely as you say she is, then she will appreciate the gesture of making her a second gravy -- and not require that it be the only option for everyone.

Miss Manners certainly acknowledges real health and moral issues that require guests to have special culinary needs. But she only requires of their hosts that they make a valiant effort to give those guests something to eat, not that they adjust the entire menu to accommodate only them. She further entreats the guests to appreciate those efforts, smile politely and eat what they can.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 15-year-old son is hearing-impaired and wears hearing aids, which are, by design, hard to see. He is very polite when he asks people to repeat themselves when he cannot hear them, and he explains he is hearing-impaired.

A couple of times, people have questioned this. One time he was chastised for "joking," and I finally had to step in and say, as nicely as possible, that he is, in fact, hearing-impaired and has been since he was 2.

Just recently he was getting a haircut and had given his hearing aids to me to hold, and the stylist chastised him when he asked her to repeat herself. She said hearing impairment was not something to joke about -- and I again had to step in.

My son is getting older and I am not with him all the time. I am not sure what to tell him to say to people without sounding rude or having to take his hearing aids out to show them as proof, which I do not feel is appropriate or necessary. Although he finds it annoying, he expects people to react that way sometimes.

GENTLE READER: Your son needs to master a two-step response. In step one, he re-explains the situation with convincing seriousness but without rancor. Waving around medical devices of any kind at this stage might be effective, but is certainly not dignified. Mentioning the fact that it has been this way since he was 2 should be convincing.

He should then pause while the information sinks in. Only when the listener realizes what she has done is it time for step two: assuring her that he understands her mistake, as the disability is not obvious.

Miss Manners is sorry to say that it is likely your son will have many opportunities to practice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you have a guest in your home and you overhear a negative comment, how are you to react for the duration of the guest's stay?

GENTLE READER: That will depend upon the nature of the comment.

Miss Manners recommends pretending not to hear the ungenerous comment about the salmon, as it was not intended to be overheard. The unmistakably uncivil comment to, or about, the hostess, however, will require a period of frosty politeness of length in proportion to the severity of the rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine invited me to a (friendship, not date) social outing. I said I would go, but he didn't tell me until the last minute that it was also a singles group. I completely disagree with singles groups, but I agreed to go before he told me that.

What's your thought about people not disclosing all the information about a social event when inviting someone, and would it be rude for me to now say I don't want to go?

GENTLE READER: Insistent as is Miss Manners that invitations, once accepted, must be honored, the rule is not absolute. If the bride changes the date -- whether due to uncertainly about the catering or the groom -- guests are also given an opportunity to re-evaluate. Miss Manners extends the same exemption to your situation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)