DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a small group of friends who like to get together regularly to have dinner and socialize, which is fun. Most of the group have limited funds and very small apartments with no dining area, and can't accommodate our group.

I recall that Miss Manners has said proper etiquette dictates the hosts should provide the evening's dinner and drinks. We have enough space to handle the group, but not the budget to entertain everyone as regularly as we'd all like. Trying to entertain regularly is taking a financial toll.

It has been suggested that we switch to hosting potlucks so we can get together as a group more than once or twice a year. What are Miss Manners' thoughts, and does proper etiquette allow for the potluck?

GENTLE READER: Of course it does, presuming that all parties to it are agreeable.

What you have mistaken as a total ban is her objection to the bait-and-switch scheme by which people issue social invitations to those who are subsequently ordered to contribute to the catering.

This has become so widespread that many guests feel they cannot show up to social events without bringing food that they expect to be served. And that creates a problem for truly hospitable hosts, whose menus have been sabotaged by unexpected additions.

But Miss Manners has no objection whatsoever to a frankly cooperative meal among people who have agreed on this form. She is not quite such a killjoy as you have been led to believe.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend was approached at his daughter's birthday party by several of his ex-wife's new friends. He was told how happy they were for them (ex-wife was pregnant with new husband's child) and how beautiful they were as a family. He said thank you and left it at that, so as not to create an awkward moment.

What should he have done in this situation? Should he have corrected his ex-wife's friends or simply done what he did and say thank you?

In another situation, I was introduced to someone who did not know my boyfriend's ex-wife and said "... and you are (my boyfriend's ex-wife's name)?"

I said, "No, I am ..." and stated my name. What is a girl to do? Please let us know what to do with these awkward situations.

GENTLE READER: These people seem to have a lot of clueless friends. Anyone who is close enough to be invited to the child's birthday party ought surely to know to whom their friends are married or not married.

Less culpable is the person who assumed you were your predecessor, although Miss Manners keeps warning people to stop guessing at relationships, rather than waiting to be told. Mature parents who are assumed to be their children's grandparents are plagued by this.

Nevertheless, you and your friend seem to have handled these mistakes gracefully. Whatever embarrassment these people may feel on discovering their mistakes was brought on by themselves, and may teach them to be more careful in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a 39-year-old single father who has a beautiful 4-year-old girl, I would like to know what is proper etiquette for taking my daughter shopping for clothes and then having to take her to try them on in a fitting room.

I went to the women's dressing room and didn't know if I should go in. There were moms sitting down waiting for their children to come out of rooms. My child still needs a little help.

GENTLE READER: This is an adorable daddy-daughter ritual, and one with which Miss Manners is certain the waiting mothers would sympathize. You need only apologize for intruding and state your dilemma to have them offer to help, or to cordon off an area for your use.

But it is also possible to avoid the awkwardness completely by taking advantage of the many Internet options and liberal return policies the modern world offers. The two of you could pick out returnable clothing together on the Internet and have it sent. Or you could choose clothing in stores and have her try it on at home.

When the time comes for her to try on prom and wedding dresses, she presumably will be old enough to work the zippers herself and to emerge from the dressing room for your approval -- also a charming ritual.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been attending yoga at a studio that plays music that is not very conducive to the practice of yoga.

I realize that there are more nontraditional studios these days playing everything from '90s grunge, to current R&B, to DJs performing during yoga classes. But as a musician myself, I feel the teachers are missing an opportunity to use music in a healing way.

Maybe it just comes down to personal preference, but is it too selfish to ask the instructor to change the music?

GENTLE READER: Yes. As a musician yourself, how would you respond if after advertising and playing, for example, your finest Stravinsky, a patron suggested that you play something a little more soothing?

If you don't like the music at your yoga studio, Miss Manners urges you to change classes. But please don't offer your unsolicited critiques to a place that has already asserted and established its own artistic vision.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My in-laws and my family all live in the same city where I live with my husband and two children. All of my husband's family, who live in the suburbs, constantly make reference to us living in the "hood," crime, etc.

The part of the city in which we live is actually the area where the old money and the old families live. So it is not that I question where we live. I am just tired of hearing the comments. How can I politely get them to stop?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, I'm sorry that you don't feel safe in our neighborhood. We love it."

Please refrain from adding anything about old money versus new. Miss Manners assures you that it will only make you seem defensive and start an unpleasant conversation that will thwart the intention of getting them to keep their opinions to themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and I are unusually divided over an issue concerning some behavior by a dear friend whom we've known for years.

Upon leaving for college, he changed his email address and, most recently, his cellphone number. However, he has mentioned this only to a couple of people, and as a result, numerous people have called us complaining about his disconnected number and their returned emails.

I am not opposed to giving out this information, but I am wondering if perhaps it's a little rude to change such contact information without letting close friends know and to expect others to get the word out. Should I confront my friend?

GENTLE READER: Assuming that you intend to publicize your friend's new email address and telephone number --rather than the numerous complaints about his behavior -- Miss Manners must first ask: Are you sure that it was his intent to share?

It is this question that you should pose to your friend, as it will allow you to determine what to do next without directly criticizing his behavior. If he agrees that the information is for distribution, you may then suggest that he notify people from whom he wishes to hear. If, however, he is making a fresh start, the most you can promise the discarded would be to forward their messages.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to bring a date to a funeral when the date has never met the deceased or any of the family?

My brother-in-law brought a girl he was dating (and eventually married) as a date to my mother's funeral and later made some comment that we weren't friendly to her. We were shocked that our parent had died and were mourning, and not in the mood to socialize or meet new people.

GENTLE READER: A funeral being a serious affair, Miss Manners applies the same standard to the relationship as to the date herself.

Fiancees are acceptable, passing interests are not. As this couple subsequently married, you can presume that they were serious enough for your brother-in-law to want her to be a part of family occasions. What is outrageous is for either of them to have expected her to be entertained under such circumstances.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had several friends who have been invited to wedding and baby showers but for some reason or another were unable to make it to the event. In my opinion, this should not exclude them from providing a gift.

Does it? I always alert the hostess if I am unable to attend and either send the gift with someone who is attending, or I make a special effort to make sure the guest of honor receives it. Am I wrong in sending a gift to events I do not attend?

GENTLE READER: You are not wrong in sending a present if you feel generous. What is wrong is mandating others to such generosity.

Shower presents are normally given only at the event. Miss Manners shudders to think of the bloated guest lists if invitations had to be considered invoices.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)