DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and I are unusually divided over an issue concerning some behavior by a dear friend whom we've known for years.

Upon leaving for college, he changed his email address and, most recently, his cellphone number. However, he has mentioned this only to a couple of people, and as a result, numerous people have called us complaining about his disconnected number and their returned emails.

I am not opposed to giving out this information, but I am wondering if perhaps it's a little rude to change such contact information without letting close friends know and to expect others to get the word out. Should I confront my friend?

GENTLE READER: Assuming that you intend to publicize your friend's new email address and telephone number --rather than the numerous complaints about his behavior -- Miss Manners must first ask: Are you sure that it was his intent to share?

It is this question that you should pose to your friend, as it will allow you to determine what to do next without directly criticizing his behavior. If he agrees that the information is for distribution, you may then suggest that he notify people from whom he wishes to hear. If, however, he is making a fresh start, the most you can promise the discarded would be to forward their messages.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to bring a date to a funeral when the date has never met the deceased or any of the family?

My brother-in-law brought a girl he was dating (and eventually married) as a date to my mother's funeral and later made some comment that we weren't friendly to her. We were shocked that our parent had died and were mourning, and not in the mood to socialize or meet new people.

GENTLE READER: A funeral being a serious affair, Miss Manners applies the same standard to the relationship as to the date herself.

Fiancees are acceptable, passing interests are not. As this couple subsequently married, you can presume that they were serious enough for your brother-in-law to want her to be a part of family occasions. What is outrageous is for either of them to have expected her to be entertained under such circumstances.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had several friends who have been invited to wedding and baby showers but for some reason or another were unable to make it to the event. In my opinion, this should not exclude them from providing a gift.

Does it? I always alert the hostess if I am unable to attend and either send the gift with someone who is attending, or I make a special effort to make sure the guest of honor receives it. Am I wrong in sending a gift to events I do not attend?

GENTLE READER: You are not wrong in sending a present if you feel generous. What is wrong is mandating others to such generosity.

Shower presents are normally given only at the event. Miss Manners shudders to think of the bloated guest lists if invitations had to be considered invoices.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have been at a dinner table when the person on my right is speaking with the person on their right; the person on my left is speaking with the person on their left; and the people across from me are engaged in their own conversation.

I don't consider that anyone is being rude; it is just happenstance.

I do not know what I should do in this circumstance. I put a pleasant to mildly happy look on my face and attend to my dinner, but feel I either look foolish to those sitting at other areas of the table who see my situation and wonder why I have that strange look on my face, or just plain seem pathetic. In other words, I am very uncomfortable. Any recommendations you have for these situations would be greatly appreciated.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but no one would listen. There is an etiquette rule specifically designed to prevent this awkwardness, but it was laughed at, dismissed as being "artificial" and, by now, probably forgotten.

The rule is that every other person at the table begins by talking to the person on his or her right. Halfway through the meal, the hostess is supposed to "turn the table," signaling that it is time for every second person to turn left.

Ignoring the rule, expressly intended to correct the problem of "happenstance," did not solve it, as you have discovered. So the best you can do is to lean in one direction, hoping to catch a few words so that you can enter the conversation, or to concentrate on chasing your peas around your plate.

Miss Manners is pleased to know that you maintain the properly cheerful expression. Should anyone stare at you, you should shrug your shoulders to signify coping with a situation with which they are probably only too familiar.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should formal letters be addressed to married gay couples?

GENTLE READER: Using two lines to address two people is such a simple solution that Miss Manners is surprised at the frequency of this question, whether in regard to opposite-sex couples with different surnames or professional titles, or same-sex couples.

However, when the latter share a surname, you may save a line by addressing them as The Messrs. (or Mmes.) Casey and Kelly Oglevy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who has been in the hospital for weeks. We have just found out that she has Stage 4 cancer. I have not been to see her, as everyone else in the company has.

I am a member of management. I know I should go and visit.

I do, however, have some underlying reasons for not going. Last October, my husband was seriously ill in the hospital for three months. No one came to visit, not even the owner of the company for whom I have worked for 21 years. Another issue is that when my in-laws passed 14 years ago, no one offered condolences.

Should I just be the bigger person and let it go, and go visit her?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Now that you know how hurtful that behavior is, Miss Manners is surprised that you would consider adopting it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have to reveal a pet peeve: Waiters and waitresses who ask questions of my dining party such as, "Are we ready to order?" and, "Did we save room for dessert?"

This inclusive questioning seems to occur at both casual and high-end restaurants. Do you agree that this is poor form? Is it appropriate to mention this annoyance to the server? I am a former waitress and a generous tipper!

GENTLE READER: That wait staff use odd phrases and strange terminology may unfortunately be a mandate coming from the establishment itself (or its focus groups), and not the individual.

Miss Manners supposes that the inclusive questioning you describe is in keeping with the unfortunate trend of servers attempting to be the customers' friends, and not their temporary employees. She agrees that the tone is condescending and has the opposite effect.

However, as a former waitress, how would you have reacted to a patron's pointing out these little annoyances -- particularly if they are a job requirement? Please save your complaints for the bigger transgressions and try to endure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have become friendly at church with a gay couple who moved into the area. They have a 4-year-old child who is always with them at parties and events where they are in attendance.

I like this couple and want to invite them to my home. I entertain a lot and quite formally. Would it be rude to ask them not to bring their child?

GENTLE READER: Not if you phrase it correctly. "We would love to have the two of you over at a dinner party." And they are properly referred to as "a couple," not "a gay couple."

If they balk at leaving their child, Miss Manners authorizes you to continue: "I'm afraid it won't be interesting for Madeleine -- and our house isn't really equipped for a child. But you are new here, and I'm sure that we could help introduce you to some wonderful baby sitters in town."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable behavior for strangers to come up on a family in a park and take pictures on their phones of the children playing?

My sister-in-law just told me that twice now, she has had various people come up to their family gathering and start taking pictures of her children while they play.

This seems rude -- am I wrong? My brother's family is a large one, nine children, and they do play very energetically and creatively, but still, it seems weird. Since when!?

GENTLE READER: Since society decided that everyone wants free publicity.

Miss Manners begs to differ. While technically legal if it is done is in a public place, taking pictures of children that are not one's own is extremely rude -- and potentially dangerous.

Your sister-in-law would do well to stop these photographers by saying, "May I help you?" while blocking the shot and telling the children to go off and play. Perhaps their idea of play will be to exercise their own photographic rights by taking pictures of the offending strangers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)